Tag: Matt Kahn

Fighting Against Someone’s Free Agency

Way back in the 4th grade at Lincoln Elementary in small town America, some 40+ years ago; I remember seeing the anti smoking video of someone with a hole in their throat who didn’t let that stop them from smoking.

It horrified me so much I ran home in tears begging my Mom to PLEASE STOP SMOKING.

“Do It For Me! Please, Mom. Can’t you see I need you? Can’t you see I’m scared you will leave me then who will take care of me? Because if you leave me I will have a lifetime of fear of loss and will spend immense amounts of energy to avoid loss”

– the inner child of Samantha Waters.

I didn’t actually say all that. But now I know that my fear of losing people begin with that moment, only to be followed by the lesson that it’s not just losing people I have to fear. I had countless pet dogs run over by cars on the busy main street we lived on. Oh, how I mourned each of their deaths. It didn’t matter how much I vowed to keep them tied up, or behind a gate- NEVER in the house!; they always seemed to get out & became infatuated with chasing those moving black tires. As I sat beside each dying dog, with tears streaming down my freckled little girl face; I vowed to do better next time. To love harder. To be more responsible. 

To control the actions of another so that I can feel better.

I really thought I could control the universe or at least those around me. Not in a domineering narcissistic way. I’m as far from that personality as can be. (Some might disagree) but my intent is the same, I suppose: to help ME feel better.

You see, when faced with these losses, every single time throughout my young life, I didn’t know how I was ever going to get through it. I felt incompetent to handle it, to forge through those uncomfortable emotions. Losing my brother, my hero, my protector, when I was 14 was my biggest devastation. It shook my whole confusing world even more and left me feeling more alone than ever. I would avoid working through those emotions for a period of 10 years at least. I accomplished this denial by not talking about it and using other behaviors of co-dependence and “clinginess” to specific people and things to give me that sense of feeling relevant and in control. Relevant enough to make things and people want to stay……

Of course that doesn’t work, which creates a wounded soul with somewhat of a inferior ego and victim mentality. I’m not going to go into the psychology of these terms, but to me it just means that the world is harsh.

After watching Netflix’s: Sensitive, the untold story, I realized that my sensitivity to the harshness of the world was a unique minority but certainly not rare. I would like to say that the losses and tragedies in my life have made me stronger, but I’m not so sure because I still feel incompetent to handle traumas as they come up.

Of course we all have thoughts of “if only”. I do know enough that those thought are NOT helpful and keep us stuck in the past. Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of “time is not linear” thoughts. This helps me feel better because it relieves the pressure of:

“I should know better”.

If our experiences fail to teach us how to react and feel “the correct feelings” then what excuse do we have? What if it’s just a matter of clumping certain experiences together as a journey themselves, not in a particular timeline? I like that.

I’m not talking about defense mechanisms. Our experiences drive those. I’m referring to the positive coping skills and healthy thoughts that “should” happen with each new drama and trauma we have.

My mom never did quit smoking until her diagnosis of lung cancer in her early 70’s. She was very lucky to have that long of an earthly life with the tobacco habits she maintained. And I was blessed to have her in my life and my children’s life for that long. I took care of my Mom, emotionally and in a lot of physical ways my whole life, and it was an honor, not a chore. It helped make me who I am. Had she “changed” into the person I wanted her to be back then, I may not be the person I am today.

At the time of that little girl running home to beg my mom to quit smoking, was all I wanted in the entire world. When my brother died, all I wanted in the entire world was for that not to happen. When each of my kids did things against what I wanted for them, I pleaded and bartered with my God to change their minds. When people rejected me, I suffered in silent anger and bitterness. Luckily hindsight 20/20 is almost always forgiving with wisdom and clarity.

I now can forgive all those who didn’t ‘do as I wanted them to’, but mostly I forgive that little girl who was just struggling to survive, just like everyone else.

“The very person you find it hardest to forgive is the one you need to let go of the most. Forgiveness means letting go. It has nothing to do with condoning behavior; it’s just letting the whole thing go. We do not have to know how to forgive. All we need to do is be willing to forgive. The universe will take care of the hows.” – Louise Hay

Where does “free agency” and doing things for others’ benefit meet? Many battles have been fought for this idea. I mean, sure – a parent shouldn’t smoke for or around her kids, but there’s that dastardly word: Should”.

Lots of things shouldn’t happen, but they do.

It’s out of our control. We have heard in modern psychology for years to take care of ourselves first. To fill our cup. We instinctively know that people can’t be responsible for others’ happiness. It just never works. There are too many variables. The person who runs around trying to please each person they interact with is not called being polite, it’s called exhausting. In these moments of confusion when I don’t know which master to please, I turn to Matt Kahn’s wisdom of loving the girl in me who doesn’t know what to do. Loving the crying girl, the girl in mourning for her brother, for her parents now gone, and for the unraveling of her family due to the effects of substance use. It’s ok to not know the answers or the outcomes. It’s ok just to LOVE the one who wonders.

At this moment, the Universe wants you to know….
It’s not a matter of what happens, but how we choose to respond, that determines our level of consciousness. Whether able to act courageously in the face of despair, or continually shut down whenever change arrives, self-love is always the answer.
It may not lessen the pain or change your reality on command, but it will always give you everything you need to be the unwavering support, unlimited compassion, and irrefutable source of forgiveness absent from the past. From honoring the one who needs to know every detail about the future before stepping forward, to embracing the one who only knows doubt– and even acknowledging the one who yearns for love but has no idea how to feel worthy enough to receive it, every experience offers countless opportunities to deepen our relationship with our hearts as a gateway into the oneness of Source energy.
Rather than attempting to embrace the past,
what if you took the time to honor the
one it happened to?
Instead of trying to passively accept the injustices of life, why not passionately acknowledge the authenticity within you that cannot be okay when anyone is denied, persecuted, harmed, alienated, shamed, or judged for any reason? What if you didn’t blame yourself for being so sensitive, but cherished how naturally open you are to receiving the gift of life, no matter how daunting or delicious any moment seems?
Even when you are unable to love, simply resting in the blessing of “May this moment help me learn to love as never before” inspires milestones of growth that uplift your experience, while energetically assisting in the transformation of others. On behalf of the Universe, when the world seems cruel, we become more caring. When witnessing the unthinkable, we respond with greater thoughtfulness. When the world denies its pain, we dare to turn towards it. When life appears to be at its darkest hour, we shine our lights to brighten each perspective. This is the way of the new spiritual paradigm.
All For Love,
Matt Kahn

Projection Perfection

I broke my husbands heart yesterday.

No, I didn’t lie to him, or cheat on him. I didn’t dishonor him, unless you call crushing everything he loves- dishonoring.

We were parked at a business hooking a trailer up to the truck, when I wandered back to a beautiful row of thick sunflowers. I was admiring the giant blooms and trying to avoid the many buzzing bees who were ravishing the plants. I wanted to see if the seeds were dry enough to remove for planting later, so I was intent in concentrating on my task.

What I didn’t know, was that while I was lost in the beauty of the yellow and greens, and knowing this beauty meant one thing- FALL! Which meant winter- sigh……..; he was quietly taking pictures of me.  When he sent them to me later, I was aghast. Not being dramatic, I really was shocked to see my backside.

These pictures were everything I hated about myself and what had “become” of me the last few years. 

These pictures were also everything my husband loved about me the last few years.

Me: weight gain, low energy, finding enough gives to give a damn; trying to keep my hair colored and cut and weaved and somedays -even brushed. Trying to transition back from “skinny jeans” to “mom jeans” that were now suddenly “in”, but still look like crap on an older Mom. Oh, and my damn quarterback shoulders.

Him: the woman he loves, quiet beauty in nature, noticing things he would never notice, in my “zone”, peace, reflective state, low maintenance (sometimes).

As I told him to not send me anymore pictures, I could feel his energy drop. He took those pictures in love. His love. I crushed his intent-To remember my peace, my tranquility among nature at every opportunity.

Isn’t that the pits? We don’t see in ourselves what others see in us. We want to be different or at least better. We kick ourselves for not being what we think we should be. Sometimes, as in my case, we even despise ourselves. Coincidentally though, we also WANT others to BE something different! We want them to be what would make US feel better, instead of who they are.

Where is this dissidence coming from?

A need for perfect order in our lives? To fill some invisible hole of deficiency?

It sounds a bit crazy. Everyone wanting something else.

I heard somewhere that perfection is a form of self-harm because it is never attainable, thereby it ALWAYS knocks us back into a cycle of not achieving and subsequently hating ourselves or doubting our abilities or the worst: 

Questioning our worth.

Our worth, is not only being measured by what we assume others want out of us, but in our own however-messed-up Richter scale of perfection.

The trouble is: with perfectionism, the goal post is always being moved- by ourselves.

Photo Credit

My issue, with my picture is more of a self esteem/ body image concern, but it still rages: 

NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!

DO BETTER—–

For society’s standards, we will never be good enough. That’s why we must find our own place; in peace with ourselves. We can start with moments.

Moments when every thought, every picture that appears in your mind of how it should be, can be recognized for what it is: an opportunity to change it to thoughts of:

  • Good enough
  • Smart enough
  • Pretty enough
  • ‘Skinny’ enough

I may never see myself as my husband sees me, but I can find ways to love me exactly how I am, so I can then love others exactly how they are.

Matt Kahn describes it “perfectly” haha…

"In every moment, you and everyone else is always doing the best they possibly can. If anyone could do better — they would. When anyone can do better — they will. While spiritual teachings can give greater focus and attention to heart-centered choices, they are not to be confused with rules used to punish yourself with. Instead of ridiculing yourself with unrealistic ideas of perfectionism, most moments of healing call for a deep level of self-forgiveness where you are able to truly forgive yourself for any misjudgments in perception and reaction by truly accepting yourself — talents, flaws, and all. No one is designed to do this perfectly and it’s for such an important reason. It is to guarantee that in en route to realizing how conscious, liberated, and heart-centered you already are, life creates moments to intentionally burst any bubble of perfectionism the spiritual ego tends to hide in. As the spiritual ego gets down on itself for not “nailing it”, you are able to embrace such a part within you, allowing your love to further set free the aspect of self who only knows how to be rewarded with praise, honor, and accolade in exchange for doing something “right”. Let your journey be insightful, illuminating, clarifying, and sometimes, as messy as it's meant to be. No matter the roads traveled and the choices made, everything is made right in the end.

Confessions of a Spiritual Perfectionist

by Matt Kahn
Matt Kahn

Rainy Day Morsels of Thought

From Matt Kahn

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Aside from it being how spirit lives in its highest form, one reason an empath is encouraged to always be the bigger person, no matter how anyone else behaves, is because they are more able to grow compared to the collective mentality of the world. Through their awareness alone, they haven’t placed a lid on their expansion, other than the empowered choices they refuse to embrace.

Being the bigger person may initially seem unfair to an empath when surrounded by family or a society still asleep in the conditioning still playing out. And yet, the more often an empath says ‘yes’ to being the person anchoring love, peace, kindness, and compassion, despite the attitudes, projections, and triggers of others, the more an empath is nourished by their own alignment with Spirit instead of relying on others for the sustenance they crave.

All For Love,

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Is Forgiveness Letting Someone Off The Hook?

Humble Movement for the Liberation of All

-Matt Kahn

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It is quite common to confuse forgiveness with ‘letting someone off the hook’ from being accountable for their actions– as if forgiveness robs someone of the opportunity of owning the gravity of their most unconscionable behavior. While untrue, it stems from a subconscious belief often suggesting, “if I don’t condemn, I’m being compliant.​” It’s quite an extreme view that is ultimately rooted in fear– in particular, the fear of being associated with atrocious actions or believing atrocity will only get worse, “if I don’t relentlessly judge, condemn, and criticize insidious behavior.”​​ Even though attacking victimizers does more to strengthen the worthlessness that causes them to hurt others as a way of bypassing their own unresolved pain than it does to rescue those being hurt. In essence, condemning a victimizer creates more time and space for that criticism to become additional ammunition to unload onto​ more innocent people. It furthers the problem instead of resolving it at its root.

In order to cleanse this planet of predatory patterning and create an energetic grid with a vibration that allows change to be processed, growth to be inspired, and even hardship to be overcome without harm done to self or another, both the victim and victimizer must be healed.

By praying for the salvation of a victimizer, you aren’t saying anything is okay or let’s let it go.​ You are aware that, through our interconnection of oneness, ​praying for the salvation of a victimizer transforms that aspect into a version of self that cannot and will not do harm, so to have the space for self-accountability to arise. Simultaneously, such an act of salvation liberates every victim of that abuser, including the ancestral lineages of all victims and victimizers through your courageous desire to serve and further the healing of life’s most daunting depth of suffering. It’s nearly like being face-to-​face with a criminal who has victims held hostage, not knowing this is a stand-o​ff with your true Buddha nature. If ​it was ​a stand-off with your ego, you might be conflicted as to how to spare the victims held at bay​​ without letting the victimizer go. And yet, when understanding the grace of Universal redemption, no one is let ‘off the hook’ to go spread further harm,​ but rather escorted directly into the heart of Source to undergo a radical process of transformation and self-accountability that cannot be confused with rationalizing the damage done in moments of abuse. And so, the wise Buddha grants the victimizer salvation, freeing the​ victims to begin the healing process, while the victimizer begins the journey of facing hurt and the hurt caused without hurting another.

None of this will feel fair to the human self ​which is why, as a form of karmic yoga, the human focuses on how each courageous act of prayer, contribution to social reform, and donations made to reputable charities furthering change on this level help rescue victims from abuse. If and when ending cycles of violence, war, abuse, suffering, and separation weigh deeply on our hearts, then may we leave no stone unturned in the unconditional redemption of each soul. Since not everyone is ready for this type of step or contribution, please hold no pressure over yourself to push and push until you can achieve the unthinkable. That type of push would make it more about self-achievement than the abused beings we are so selflessly serving. No matter how much or how little you are able to contribute, dare to bless the selflessness of awakened beings who are willing to ‘go there’ on humanity’s behalf—whether anyone else may go there, understand its importance, or would rather condemn such a being for the healing inspired​ and the number of victims and ancestral lineages quietly set free. It is all a part of know thy self. You can go within and know yourself as an entire Universe of infinite Universes. And yet, you haven’t truly known yourself until you come back from within to meet extensions of yourself as the people you help to heal. This is why the deepest self-realization is not a phrase or concept, but a humble movement of inspired service for the liberation of all. May all beings be healed and liberated by the inspired actions we take, the prayers we create, and by becoming the change we wish to see — now and forever. And so it is.

All For Love,

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We thank you for the light of Holy Solution you shine.

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Perspective Is How Everyone’s Truth Manifests

One of my little jobs I have is calling rest homes & assisted livings across America & surveying them on their experience they had with their loved one.
Since I call the same facilities every month, I get a feeling for which ones are pretty well ran & which ones are going to have a bunch of very angry southern folk yelling at ME for it all!

I know when I call the Bible belt facilities, I will get a lot of “Bless you’s” & “praise the Lord!” which I appreciate!
But it always amazes me how much of a different experience people can have in the SAME place, same time period, SAME food, somewhat same staff.

Yesterday I called my only local building. I had to keep reminding myself this is the SAME building that all these people are taking about!

It just goes to show that Sometimes (keeping in mind there ARE lots of variables in healthcare) it’s our attitude that can make or break our experience of life.

These are the answers I received to the exact same questions:

“I appreciated everything!!! I’ve never seen a group of people who treated their residents like family. Everyone was very professional and willing to help out if you needed them to.

“I’d say it was a great experience and the best place for rehab.

“They treated like you like long lost family, accommodating, communicative. If I had a question they would answer it.

“They never returned my calls.

“Communication is lacking. Management was poor. They made promises and would never follow through with anything.

“They were very attentive to my dad, the nurses were always good to contact me.

“If you can rate it into the negative, do that. It was horrendous.Nothing redeeming about this building. I appreciated NOTHING about this place.

“Very poor, if I could go below one I would. The care was that bad.

“If you guys are serious you should send in someone who has empathy for their patients.Have them go undercover, if anyone is not doing what they should, you should fire them on the spot.

“Therapy was disorganized and too much into themselves.

“The therapy was ok.

“GIve therapy FIVE STARS!

“The food was terrible.

“Food wasn’t properly prepared and no special diets.Lettuce was tired.

“The food was not good at all.

“The quality of the food was a five.

“Their food was edible and a good variety

Everyone’s experience differs according to what they’re dealing with. Fear can takeover how we see things and how we treat people – which then creates a dynamic of how they treat us back. If you’re coming from a place of unhappiness most of your day will look bland and negative (I’m speaking from MY experience). If you see a gray sky you may never notice the bright pink flowers. When your emotional energy is spent on worry and fear for your loved one or for a pressing problem, such as finances, you see everything through that lens, as stated in this lens of trauma.

I spent a lot of time listening to Abraham Hicks over the years. She (or ‘they’ – since she channels a spirit guide through her) preach on keeping your vibration at stellar heights in order to achieve the results you want. This article describes the cult like following of Abraham, but I still find her rants and speeches helpful to pull me out of a slump. It’s basically the theory of The Secret which has been tweaked into different psychology fads for years. Her quotes are helpful to pull my perspective into one of gratitude and grace by acting as if I have everything I need, so the universe doesn’t detect ANY LACK. The old saying:

If you're not grateful for what you have, why would the universe give you more?

After my Abraham binge, I moved over to Matt Kahn, who believes quite the opposite. He advocates accepting all feelings as valid and to be loved, so as to not glaze over them in some kind of fake positivity.

With so many opinions and paths to take, my goal now, is to maintain a balance of peace despite outside circumstances. Some days I fail miserably, like yesterday, as I cried all morning after a phone call from the IRS. 

Today, I'm breathing life, hope and abundance into my family. I'm trying to appreciate memories for what they were, people for who they are, despite their struggles and actions; and the future for the possibilities.

Knowing that my perspective on life is going to make it as pleasant or as miserable as I decide to let it.

Pre-Deciding

Matt Kahn, spiritual guru says this:

Everything you will ever receive will unravel, anything you gain will be lost.

Except for 2 things :

  • The love you cultivate in your heart. (NOT dependant on love you receive)
  • The high road that YOU insist on walking” (independent of how you are treated)

Wow, just wow!

In a society that is all about fulfilling your needs and being entitled to FAIRNESS & demanding respect, this is so liberating to me.
To understand that everything which is thrown in your path is manifested (?) there to help you achieve the highest form of you as possible! Not like God throwing things down on you as a big version of Hunger Games; but more as a pre- planned challenge to help you achieve certain things for your higher good.

So this whole fantasy notion of treating people how they treat you- is like a 5 year old would say : “he started it”.

How does that help us grow and be free to have pure joy??? It doesn’t. It just continues the cycle of dysfunction.

If we want to have experiences that help us choose the high road in order to ultimately become free of the disillusionment & disappointment that almost always comes with this life,
then we need to accept that the challenges and the annoying people in our life are just characters who are helping us achieve this!!!

Young woman or old lady? It all depends on how we look at it. Are things here to help us or hurt us?

Characters. Playing a specific role. So yes, sort of like Hunger Games.

It’s fascinating & freeing to me.

To not have-to- have this dependence on having only happy ideal experiences (which is never assured) & putting the pressure on others to make ME happy…..

To actually DECIDE HOW I’m going to treat people BEFORE they do ANYTHING back? -no matter how they treat me- is such a new concept.

I was unconsciously (& consciously) taught the opposite- bitterness, anger, silence, writing people off for good if they wronged you.

It takes the whole cycle of dysfunction away and just let’s you sincerely thank people and love them for whatever they are going thru at the time, regardless of how it affects you.

A lifetime of misunderstandings and hurt feelings and unsaid things, things that you think of people that they probably didn’t even have a clue about! But you’re going to punish them anyway! It’s crazy-making how we have lived.

I realize this is easier said than done. To ‘neuter’ our emotions in a way that makes us compassionate and caring but not overreacting; takes practice. Byron Katie states that even with good intentions, we resort back to thinking negatively.

Her theory is to question if they are really true and then let. them take care of themselves & hopefully glide away without needing our intense reactions. Like a rattlesnake in the desert.

So, my goal is to combine these two theories into:

Questioning a belief about an experience I may be having; accepting that maybe it’s here to help me, and realizing that I have the power to control MY experience with it.

All Is Well

They asked a shaman:

“What is poison?
“Anything but what we need is poison.”
It can be power, laziness, food, ego, ambition, vanity, fear, anger, or whatever.

“What is fear?”
No acceptance of uncertainty.
If we accept uncertainty, it becomes adventure.

What is envy?

Not accepting the good in the other.

If we accept the good, it becomes inspiration.

What is anger?

Not acceptance of what is beyond our control.If we accept, it becomes tolerance.

What is hate?

Not accepting people as they are.

If we accept unconditionally, it becomes love. “

Get What You Don’t Want

https://fb.watch/6gVjdFayK1/

Tony Robbins said this about his mother:

“IF SHE HAD BEEN the mother I WANTED her to be…I would NOT be the man I am….”

Although we all want a smooth life, drama-free relationships with family, partners & co-workers; none of us want painful toothaches or flat tires in the middle of nowhere.

It seems what we THINK we truly want – Isn’t what’s actually best for our growth…

Somehow those things are beneficial for our own “character building”. That’s an old-time cliche statement but what if it’s true?

What if it’s to help us be the best version of ourselves we can be? In order to help us see things we would NOT have seen if we were riding high on the hog the whole time.

My mama used to always say… “She must have had an easy life” when talking about someone who appeared problem free.

Key word APPEARED….

We just don’t know what battles someone has faced or is facing. And just because we happen to be the target of their anger at the moment, we can’t let it diminish our worth or stop our momentum.

We CAN’T kick ourselves over & over again for not living up to what everyone expects us to be TO THEM, just so they can feel better. Their perception of us is truly only reflective of the war inside them that they haven’t resolved.

This last few weeks the war inside me that I thought I had resolved, has exploded into a million pieces.
The struggle with wanting peace & acceptance & love from those who matter to me the most to me has been a bittersweet experience. It has forced me to find true unconditional love & acceptance within Myself.

All I feel is love toward them.
Because if I reject THEM because they are rejecting ME…then I am only rejecting ME ….. over & over…. & where does that get anyone?????
And if they don’t want to look at your face then oblige them and go away. Send them love from afar…….energetically.

Love really is the only answer……. Despite what you get back 🌼❤🌼

Sweet Liberation

Re- share Matt Kahn

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Mattkahn.org

Along the path of awakening, it is quite common to play out lingering unconsciousness through patterns of neutrality and engagement. Not that neutrality or engagement are inherent forms of the unconscious, but both are common spaces for a remaining unconsciousness to hide during various stages of expansion.

When this occurs, the ego uses neutrality as an attempt to spiritually bypass the emotional body. It is here where personal engagement becomes aloof, disembodied, non-committal, and avoidant. When the pattern flips to an opposite form, as all patterns do, a willingness to engage becomes so personal that an awareness of personal conduct is replaced by a desperate need to be right.

Whether one or both of these patterns have played out in yourself or currently control the will of those you know, the key is learning to hold loving space as the unconsciousness of human patterning continues to dissolve through time. This may help you remember that just because someone may be interested in the evolution of consciousness, it doesn’t mean they are ever done evolving. Whether choosing to hold space up close or from afar and in whatever way supports your personal needs and the evolving state of your nervous system, it is the gift of time that ultimately brings the healing anyone desires and needs. I’m not referring to time as something perceived as a conceptual illusion, nor the time that can feel like a commodity running out. It is a dimension of time, manifested into form, as your eternal presence of being that ultimately makes everything right through your willingness to slow down, catch your breath, and find safety and strength in vulnerability — no matter who can and cannot meet you there.

From this space, you are naturally rooted in a state of neutrality the ego cannot learn, impersonate, practice, or ever ‘get right’. It is a neutrality that washes over all areas of your life through the grace of time — allowing others the right to their own experience, without tainting the ethics of your personal engagement or negatively influencing your subjective experience.

This is the heart of true liberation.

All For Love,

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Matt Kahn All For Love