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Perspective Is How Everyone’s Truth Manifests

One of my little jobs I have is calling rest homes & assisted livings across America & surveying them on their experience they had with their loved one.
Since I call the same facilities every month, I get a feeling for which ones are pretty well ran & which ones are going to have a bunch of very angry southern folk yelling at ME for it all!

I know when I call the Bible belt facilities, I will get a lot of “Bless you’s” & “praise the Lord!” which I appreciate!
But it always amazes me how much of a different experience people can have in the SAME place, same time period, SAME food, somewhat same staff.

Yesterday I called my only local building. I had to keep reminding myself this is the SAME building that all these people are taking about!

It just goes to show that Sometimes (keeping in mind there ARE lots of variables in healthcare) it’s our attitude that can make or break our experience of life.

These are the answers I received to the exact same questions:

“I appreciated everything!!! I’ve never seen a group of people who treated their residents like family. Everyone was very professional and willing to help out if you needed them to.

“I’d say it was a great experience and the best place for rehab.

“They treated like you like long lost family, accommodating, communicative. If I had a question they would answer it.

“They never returned my calls.

“Communication is lacking. Management was poor. They made promises and would never follow through with anything.

“They were very attentive to my dad, the nurses were always good to contact me.

“If you can rate it into the negative, do that. It was horrendous.Nothing redeeming about this building. I appreciated NOTHING about this place.

“Very poor, if I could go below one I would. The care was that bad.

“If you guys are serious you should send in someone who has empathy for their patients.Have them go undercover, if anyone is not doing what they should, you should fire them on the spot.

“Therapy was disorganized and too much into themselves.

“The therapy was ok.

“GIve therapy FIVE STARS!

“The food was terrible.

“Food wasn’t properly prepared and no special diets.Lettuce was tired.

“The food was not good at all.

“The quality of the food was a five.

“Their food was edible and a good variety

Everyone’s experience differs according to what they’re dealing with. Fear can takeover how we see things and how we treat people – which then creates a dynamic of how they treat us back. If you’re coming from a place of unhappiness most of your day will look bland and negative (I’m speaking from MY experience). If you see a gray sky you may never notice the bright pink flowers. When your emotional energy is spent on worry and fear for your loved one or for a pressing problem, such as finances, you see everything through that lens, as stated in this lens of trauma.

I spent a lot of time listening to Abraham Hicks over the years. She (orthey’ – since she channels a spirit guide through her) preach on keeping your vibration at stellar heights in order to achieve the results you want. This article describes the cult like following of Abraham, but I still find her rants and speeches helpful to pull me out of a slump. It’s basically the theory of The Secret which has been tweaked into different psychology fads for years. Her quotes are helpful to pull my perspective into one of gratitude and grace by acting as if I have everything I need, so the universe doesn’t detect ANY LACK. The old saying:

If you're not grateful for what you have, why would the universe give you more?

After my Abraham binge, I moved over to Matt Kahn, who believes quite the opposite. He advocates accepting all feelings as valid and to be loved, so as to not glaze over them in some kind of fake positivity.

With so many opinions and paths to take, my goal now, is to maintain a balance of peace despite outside circumstances. Some days I fail miserably, like yesterday, as I cried all morning after a phone call from the IRS.

Today, I'm breathing life, hope and abundance into my family. I'm trying to appreciate memories for what they were, people for who they are, despite their struggles and actions; and the future for the possibilities.

Knowing that my perspective on life is going to make it as pleasant or as miserable as I decide to let it.

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Pre-Deciding

Matt Kahn, spiritual guru says this:

Everything you will ever receive will unravel, anything you gain will be lost.

Except for 2 things :

  • The love you cultivate in your heart. (NOT dependant on love you receive)
  • The high road that YOU insist on walking” (independent of how you are treated)

Wow, just wow!

In a society that is all about fulfilling your needs and being entitled to FAIRNESS & demanding respect, this is so liberating to me.
To understand that everything which is thrown in your path is manifested (?) there to help you achieve the highest form of you as possible! Not like God throwing things down on you as a big version of Hunger Games; but more as a pre- planned challenge to help you achieve certain things for your higher good.

So this whole fantasy notion of treating people how they treat you- is like a 5 year old would say : “he started it”.

How does that help us grow and be free to have pure joy??? It doesn’t. It just continues the cycle of dysfunction.

If we want to have experiences that help us choose the high road in order to ultimately become free of the disillusionment & disappointment that almost always comes with this life,
then we need to accept that the challenges and the annoying people in our life are just characters who are helping us achieve this!!!

Young woman or old lady? It all depends on how we look at it. Are things here to help us or hurt us?

Characters. Playing a specific role. So yes, sort of like Hunger Games.

It’s fascinating & freeing to me.

To not have-to- have this dependence on having only happy ideal experiences (which is never assured) & putting the pressure on others to make ME happy…..

To actually DECIDE HOW I’m going to treat people BEFORE they do ANYTHING back? -no matter how they treat me- is such a new concept.

I was unconsciously (& consciously) taught the opposite- bitterness, anger, silence, writing people off for good if they wronged you.

It takes the whole cycle of dysfunction away and just let’s you sincerely thank people and love them for whatever they are going thru at the time, regardless of how it affects you.

A lifetime of misunderstandings and hurt feelings and unsaid things, things that you think of people that they probably didn’t even have a clue about! But you’re going to punish them anyway! It’s crazy-making how we have lived.

I realize this is easier said than done. To ‘neuter’ our emotions in a way that makes us compassionate and caring but not overreacting; takes practice. Byron Katie states that even with good intentions, we resort back to thinking negatively.

Her theory is to question if they are really true and then let. them take care of themselves & hopefully glide away without needing our intense reactions. Like a rattlesnake in the desert.

So, my goal is to combine these two theories into:

Questioning a belief about an experience I may be having; accepting that maybe it’s here to help me, and realizing that I have the power to control MY experience with it.

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All Is Well

They asked a shaman:

“What is poison?
“Anything but what we need is poison.”
It can be power, laziness, food, ego, ambition, vanity, fear, anger, or whatever.

“What is fear?”
No acceptance of uncertainty.
If we accept uncertainty, it becomes adventure.

What is envy?

Not accepting the good in the other.

If we accept the good, it becomes inspiration.

What is anger?

Not acceptance of what is beyond our control.If we accept, it becomes tolerance.

What is hate?

Not accepting people as they are.

If we accept unconditionally, it becomes love. “

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Get What You Don’t Want

https://fb.watch/6gVjdFayK1/

Tony Robbins said this about his mother:

“IF SHE HAD BEEN the mother I WANTED her to be…I would NOT be the man I am….”

Although we all want a smooth life, drama-free relationships with family, partners & co-workers; none of us want painful toothaches or flat tires in the middle of nowhere.

It seems what we THINK we truly want – Isn’t what’s actually best for our growth…

Somehow those things are beneficial for our own “character building”. That’s an old-time cliche statement but what if it’s true?

What if it’s to help us be the best version of ourselves we can be? In order to help us see things we would NOT have seen if we were riding high on the hog the whole time.

My mama used to always say… “She must have had an easy life” when talking about someone who appeared problem free.

Key word APPEARED….

We just don’t know what battles someone has faced or is facing. And just because we happen to be the target of their anger at the moment, we can’t let it diminish our worth or stop our momentum.

We CAN’T kick ourselves over & over again for not living up to what everyone expects us to be TO THEM, just so they can feel better. Their perception of us is truly only reflective of the war inside them that they haven’t resolved.

This last few weeks the war inside me that I thought I had resolved, has exploded into a million pieces.
The struggle with wanting peace & acceptance & love from those who matter to me the most to me has been a bittersweet experience. It has forced me to find true unconditional love & acceptance within Myself.

All I feel is love toward them.
Because if I reject THEM because they are rejecting ME…then I am only rejecting ME ….. over & over…. & where does that get anyone?????
And if they don’t want to look at your face then oblige them and go away. Send them love from afar…….energetically.

Love really is the only answer……. Despite what you get back 🌼❤🌼

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Sweet Liberation

Re- share Matt Kahn

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Mattkahn.org

Along the path of awakening, it is quite common to play out lingering unconsciousness through patterns of neutrality and engagement. Not that neutrality or engagement are inherent forms of the unconscious, but both are common spaces for a remaining unconsciousness to hide during various stages of expansion.

When this occurs, the ego uses neutrality as an attempt to spiritually bypass the emotional body. It is here where personal engagement becomes aloof, disembodied, non-committal, and avoidant. When the pattern flips to an opposite form, as all patterns do, a willingness to engage becomes so personal that an awareness of personal conduct is replaced by a desperate need to be right.

Whether one or both of these patterns have played out in yourself or currently control the will of those you know, the key is learning to hold loving space as the unconsciousness of human patterning continues to dissolve through time. This may help you remember that just because someone may be interested in the evolution of consciousness, it doesn’t mean they are ever done evolving. Whether choosing to hold space up close or from afar and in whatever way supports your personal needs and the evolving state of your nervous system, it is the gift of time that ultimately brings the healing anyone desires and needs. I’m not referring to time as something perceived as a conceptual illusion, nor the time that can feel like a commodity running out. It is a dimension of time, manifested into form, as your eternal presence of being that ultimately makes everything right through your willingness to slow down, catch your breath, and find safety and strength in vulnerability — no matter who can and cannot meet you there.

From this space, you are naturally rooted in a state of neutrality the ego cannot learn, impersonate, practice, or ever ‘get right’. It is a neutrality that washes over all areas of your life through the grace of time — allowing others the right to their own experience, without tainting the ethics of your personal engagement or negatively influencing your subjective experience.

This is the heart of true liberation.

All For Love,

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Matt Kahn All For Love

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How Are You?

When is the last time someone has actually looked you in the eye and sincerely asked that question?

How does it truly feel when you feel heard and understood? No judgement.

My husband told me today:

Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing the best you can. 

I’ve been stifling & muffling a lot of feelings lately. Deep fear & pain. So much that if someone were to ask me – I’m sure I would completely fall apart.

Everyone has different levels of coping. What is not a big deal to some, is catastrophic to others…

Even though I disagree with Myo Angelos quote in this context- I do like Barb Schmidts words:

Remember we can never control the choices, actions, and behaviors of other people.
Never.
So don’t waste your energy thinking that you can, instead let them be who they are.

In the words of Maya Angelou, “When people show you who they are believe them.” 🌻-Barb Schmidt

My fav guru states:

"Everyone is doing the best they can, if they could do better- they would".  

This doesn’t give people an excuse for being mean or making negative choices that affect others, but it does give a little grace to where people are in their journey.

It got me thinking about how a person struggling with addiction feels to always to TOLD they’re doing it wrong. Never being asked “how are YOU feeling today?” We don’t ask them because we THINK we must know how they feel? Or is it because we WANT them to feel a certain way? We WANT them to say, “I’m miserable and ready for a change”. If they were to say, ” I’m feeling good today”. Would we jump to lecturing them?

Last time I saw my son in person, was over a year ago. He was on my couch after a quick 3 day detox. We were watching Seinfeld’s stand up comedy. My son was laughing…. Truly laughing. I filmed him with curiosity, thinking how can he laugh with all he is facing “to fix”. But I was overcome with the warmth of a struggling human who’s just trying to get through another day.

Whether someone hides their pain in laughter, or drugs; they still deserve to be asked, how are you? What’s on your mind today? ” If nothing else- just to know someone cares.


And…..HOW ARE YOU?

Courtesy of
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8 Uncomfortable Truths

“Hatred says: “I despise not getting my way and I’ll take it out on whomever I wish until I do.”

Anger says: “I’m so mad that I can’t get my way and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Sadness says: “It’s so unfair that I can’t get my way.”

Fear says: “I can’t imagine not getting my way.”

Denial says: “My way would be so much better.”

Boredom says: “My way is anything but this.”

Emptiness says: “It seems as if my way is always opposite or different than how things are.”

Acceptance says: “The Universe is always orchestrating life in my highest favor, whether it seems to be going my way or not.”

Peace says: “When my way is put aside, the way is shown.”

Compassion says: “I understand how you feel. I didn’t get my way either.”

Joy says: “Everything is always going my way, no matter the details, outcomes, or circumstances.”

Love says: “I embrace the one who needs life to be one way or another and I cherish the one who has no particular way to be as the eternal innocence of all.”

Oneness says: “Even the notions of getting my way or having no way to be are equally unique ways of the Universe playing in form.”

Transcendence says: “All paths lead to the same way.”

Truth says: “I AM the way, the way I AM.”

  • Matt Kahn
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The Change

My Mom’s generation used to call menopause “the change.” Painful emotional and physical changes that most women experience in order to move to the last chapter of their life. Of course, change doesn’t just happen once a lifetime. People and things must constantly evolve in order to produce and grow.

I once reconnected with a co-worker online over a social media post. The comments turned opinionated as they always seem to do. She private messaged me with the scathing message, ” Samantha, you’ve CHANGED!”

Well, yes. I’m supposed to. When she knew me I was in a completely different phase of my life. I call it my drone phase. I was on autopilot. I didn’t even know who I was outside of being a mom and wife, a role I started when I was barely a child myself.

If we refuse to change, we remain stagnant.

Nature shows us every season how important change is. Each season’s loss is in preparation for the next step of life.

The Bradford pear trees we have are in my area have beautiful white blossoms that last a measly few days. But before you get a brief glimpse of the fluffy white flowers you have to endure the piles of messy seeds. Then the blossoms fall off to make way for the lush green leaves, leaving more messy seed twigs. In the fall the leaves are relentless leaving black stains on my patio. The fall leaves are beautifully patterned to reflect the various fall touches of frost intermingled with the warm days the leaves endure before succumbing to winter.

Just as we can’t make the leaves stay on the tree, we can’t hold on to a season of our lives that’s ending. Everything has an expiration date. Some relationships not only morph into a completely different version of what they once were, but they can end without closure. Even with “closure”- a word which I’m not fond of- we still have thoughts and feelings of loss as we navigate through habits of calling or being with them.

The key to moving through these experiences is to process each emotion as it arises. My favorite (& only) spiritual guru states:

“The day you can look pain directly in the face and say “thank you for changing me for the better” is the moment you stop fearing anything or anyone. Your healing journey doesn’t take effort. It takes bravery.”

Matt Kahn

He also has a mediation of “whatever arises, love that”.

https://inspirenationshow.com/inspire-452-matt-kahn-whatever-arises-love-that/

The important thing to remember when we get hit with a wave of emotion which causes the fight or flight phenomenon as I described in a previous post here., is to not stay in that place. Feel it, accept it, love the one who is experiencing it- no shame – no blame. Then let it go

Anytime you feel uncomfortable feelings, use the 5,4,3,2,1 method. And breathe. look up at the blue sky find some beautiful clouds ora plant in your house or office. Find a bird flying, listen for any sound of nature. Smell the air. SEND LOVE & comfort to yourself. Everything you WANT to feel from the loss- give to yourself. 
The 5 things coping skills

The Persian Poet Rumi from the thirteenth century wrote this poem:

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.-Rumi
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Self Care & Our Own Habits

Hypocrisy is the practice of engaging in the same behavior or activity for which one criticizes another or the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one’s own behavior does not conform. In moral psychology, it is the failure to follow one’s own expressed moral rules and principles.[1] According to British political philosopher David Runciman– according to Wikipedia,

This is the first quote in my book I’m writing.

Why am I saying this? Because we are SO good at telling our addicted loved ones to take care of their selves and do things to get their bodies healthy again, yet what are we going? Possibly getting more stressed, more sick & more depressed.

We become so focused on the “goal” or our particular destination happiness, that we fail to live in the present.

Matt Kahn stated:

“I think one of the hang-ups is that we reserve gratitude for when life becomes the way we want it to be. We’re not grateful for the chance to experience the things that ensure we confront our limiting ideas and painful feelings. We are often caught in a standoff with life that says: I’ll be the most grateful when everything changes to my desired specifications”. 

Matt Kahn

We rush around (maybe only in our scattered & frazzled mind) trying to make things happen so that WE can finally relax.

We might even enjoy and feel justified with a glass of wine to calm down.

Yes, although WE may not be the alcoholic and be immune to the allergy & obsession of addiction; it still may not be the best choice for our overall vibration.

How to facilitate a better vibrational state, so we are not ruminating on our problems, seems like a reasonable goal.

All of us must find our Place Of Peace. It’s a continual process, I believe. One that requires consistent daily habits, which I am quite inept at.

Today, its a rainy spring day, and after an emotional weekend of worry and indecisiveness, my goal for today was self care to find my place of peace. As I’m setting new goals, I find this live concert on You Tube on my apple TV.

What perfect background music to relax by than Jackson Browne? Why don’t I know this guy? Hope you enjoy this concert as I did. ( I guess I do know him- he’s the “Take it Easy” writer from the Eagles.

One of my challenges is setting goals with specifics such as time management & allocation. I’m working on it. Rituals such as described in Shelly Young’s article below will help.

I recently quoted her in my post the other day and she has some great self-care advice here, also.

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A Loving Kindness Ritual

Every morning. Every single morning for the past six years, I light a candle, settle onto a cushion, close my eyes and say the loving kindness meditation/prayer, Metta. I say it several times. 

Once for myself, in the spirit of giving a gift to myself, the gift of happiness, peace, kindness. In the spirit of generosity and love I say it outward, once for my children., once for my friends and family, once for anyone in particular in need of support, healing, blessing, my attention or affection or someone who has been a benevolent force in my life, shared time, energy, space, kindness support with me. Then once for all of us, the collective us, all of humanity, all beings in nature.

It is how I touch into that which is greater than myself, my place in the family of things, the collective of humanity, my role in the perpetuation of love and kindness. It grounds me in the now and sets the tone for the day. It is my work to be a force of love and extend that outward as well as inward. To be in service to the greater good. 

I offer this meditation, this ritual to you as a way of priming your body, your heart, your nervous system, your brain for peace, a way of connecting into a greater force of love and wellbeing, a wish for all to be well, happy and peaceful. A chant if you will, for healing.

Try it for a week, a month, a season. See what it feels like in your body to say the words out loud, to extend the blessing outward and inward, to lean into the ritual as a resource for wellbeing and connecting to the family of things. See how it feels. 

Start with yourself, be kind, generous and loving to yourself first then extend that love and kindness outward. Lay love over all that is. 

May I be well happy and peaceful. 

May no harm come to me. 

May no difficulties come to me. 

May I always meet with miraculous success. 

May I also have the courage, patience and understanding to meet and overcome inevitable problems and failures.

May I always remember you are connected to a Presence that is never absent.

May I be held, may you be healed, may you be transformed.

I’m saying it with you. We can say it together.

If you want to join others who say Metta every Thursday 12:00-12:30 in community with my friends Rose + Jen go here. 

Everyone is welcome. 

Image Credit: Jen Lemen. You can find her on Instagram!

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We are the artists of our world
We are the authors of our story
Paint colours and magic
Write peace and happiness
See love
Feel joy
Create miracles

~ Karen Star ❤

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What If It’s Just Ok?- Tɦɛ ʟɛɢɛռɖ օʄ ȶɦɛ ɮօɖɦɨ ȶʀɛɛ

How to wake up from perfectionism/projectionism

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What if you didn’t feel worried?

What if you didn’t have this fear inside you?

What if you didn’t let your mind project the worst-case scenario onto a one-sentence FACT of the here and now? In other words, is the story that you’re mulling over in your mind true to form for what’s right now in front of you?

Rebecca Undem

What if your emotions were NOT driven by the “pain of neglect” or the “fear of loss.”

Over the years, as I’ve watched office politics play out, I’ve noticed that most behavior or conflict is rooted in the fear of losing their job. Why else would someone backstab or elevate themselves to look good?

What if you were not ‘that” afraid of loss? Loss of your job or your lifestyle. What if you were secure enough in your abilities or the future that you were able to be completely true to yourself and others ALWAYS- not just when someone is watching.

It’s a double edged sword to be human with motivation and drive- and EGO. It provokes questionable behavior in order to achieve and fulfill the ego’s desires and needs. Once that works well for our ego’s needs of power, or worthiness or MATTER-ness; the target gets bigger and more dangerous. We want to know we matter. Our ego wants to ONLY MATTER.

The more we try to achieve our version of perfection or worthiness (and what we want to portray to others) the LESS authentic we become.

To avoid this, a constant self-evaluation is required. Any emotion that we feel comes up, it’s sometimes therapeutic to look at what the basis for the emotion is. Most anger, jealousy, confusion, and sadness come from a fear of loss. We’re afraid of losing what we hold dear. Our reputation, our habits, our house, and of course our family.

The more we feed into our fears and our faults, the more power they have over us.

People who have lost their homes and businesses often come back stronger than ever because they’ve battled that fear of loss.

As humans we are always trying to improve our life. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s when we “can’t see the forest for the trees.” As the old timers- my parents (& now ME!) Used to say. It’s when we make ourselves miserable at what we think is wrong in our lives & our attempts to fix it. We just seem to HAVE TO have that thing that we currently want.

But we all know the goalpost keeps moving. Those who have achieved all the money they need, soon turn to power as a replacement. Or prestige, or sexual fulfillment or going batshit crazy for a ’cause’. Anything to fill that hole of fear of loss.

I’m not a perfectionist in the sense of organization, detail to appearance, and OCD behaviors- at all. But I am an over-thinker and a “If-Only” idealistic & slightly glass-half-empty person.

Perfectionism, in itself-is actually a form of self-harm and therefore a symptom of low self worth. It’s self- harming because IT CAN NEVER BE ACHIEVED & your subconscious knows it. So you will continually seek out more ideas and situations to fulfil that never ending goal.

Says Me

“Even if you cross off your to-do list and become everything you ever wanted in yourself……. You will ALWAYS find something else to feed your inner perfectionist.”

Matt Kahn
Gertrude Toll- pinterest

Not everyone resonates with my guru guy Matt Kahn- aka MY KIDS! But I want you to put this video on tonight and just listen as you fall asleep. Listen to how it’s okay to “come as you are.” You can be as the Buddha sitting under the Bodhi tree peacefully meditating surrounded by demons to which he is immune to. It’s deep stuff, but I prefer it over shallow, trivial stuff.

Many books and programs teach mindfulness and meditation. It’s something I struggle with. But the power of training your mind to just be- in the here and now has incredible benefits. There’s no overthinking, projection, anticipatory grief, living in the past which brings up MORE pain of LOSS instead of cherishing sweet memories.

"Almost all sadness comes from thinking about the past, and all worry from thinking about the future - present mindedness is your only safe haven. Only in the present is your mind free to do what it does best - solve problems. The easiest way to leave the past behind is to remember that love does not live in the past, only memories - love lives in the present." Bryant McGill
Photo by treespirit.com

May you be your own version of the Buddha under the fig tree. Relishing in your own grace of “good enough.”