Tag: opinion

Why Don’t You Just?…..

One thing I’ve learned this year (from my 4th therapist 🤷🏼‍♀️) is that you CAN’T should-on people. Which means they shudda done this and shudda done that -in order for ME to feel better……etc.

Even though we don’t like others telling us what we should do, we are sometimes quick to tell others how to live their life.

At the time, it seems like it’s the best thing for us (to feel better) but is the way we are trying to manipulate the situation really the best version of ourselves?

As badly as you want/need this for someone else – think of how misunderstood you feel in challenging situations. 

Remind yourself that you will incur the misunderstanding and perhaps even wrath of those around you for having the temerity to march to your own drumbeat. Don’t take it personally even for one moment. It is merely a strategy to get you to conform, and when you fail to react, the wrath will quickly disappear. At the same time, allow those in your immediate sphere to have the joy of blissfully marching to their own beat.- Dr Wayne Dyer

Oh man- I love this explanation so much! 💖 When we encounter people who test us & push all our trigger buttons or when they say God-awful things to us; we may wish we had never met them or we have this knee-jerk reaction to want revenge. Or, we decide we need to “fix” them & make them see what a jerk they are and get them to see things our way.

It’s frustrating & maddening & heartbreaking to want something so bad yet freeing to have a goal that we don’t have to live this way. We don’t have to suffer in agony at others’ choices! We can love what ANYONE brings to our table-
KNOWING full well
that it’s all for the becoming of US! For our growth-possibly for us to see how we may be treating someone else.

Or maybe it’s just for us to love people for where they are at & love the parts of THEM that are feeling such pain.💝

It’s possible to get there…I’ve heard others who have.

Life is so precious. I wish we could see that BEFORE we engage in destructive behavior or before we argue and fight over material objects or statues or whose opinion matters more or who’s “doing it right-er“.

At the end of the day who’s opinion does matter more? Only ours, in a lot of instances; because WE have to live with ourselves.

It’s not about proving our point to someone who will only see things from THEIR experience-it’s about protecting ourselves and our families the best way we know-how.
But doing it with honor and compassion if possible.

Just as you don’t like to be controlled, you can’t control others either.
So buckle down and figure out what’s important to you. Then figure out the best plan moving forward.

This is the time.
It’s checkpoint
♟️♟️♟️♟️♟️

Matters What? What Matters? And other Thanksgiving thoughts

ᗰᗩTTEᖇS.. ᗯᕼᗩT

As I drove on the interstate to work today, I saw the flashing billboard with the following words:

If they don’t live with you, zoom for Thanksgiving

I felt my eyes stinging with tears.

What about a second option?

What about the family members who you haven’t seen for 6 months? What about your first born son who was the hero & leader of the family who’s now lost in the world of addiction?

In fact, that son may not even be alive today. I haven’t talked to him in 2 days & at that time he was so scared that he would be picked up again for supporting his habit, that he just wanted to run away. 😥

Yes, that one habit that ‘other people’ say- “if he really wanted to quit he could.” True of anything right? If I really wanted to be svelte & toned and dare I say ‘skinny’; I could just do it right?

We all know it’s just not that easy. Not impossible, just not as simple as it sounds.

It’s kindof strange that my son is scared of getting caught doing what his brain tells him he MUST DO! Imagine a smoker getting arrested for buying ciggerettes…..

Imagine the daily guilt and shame and sneaking and lying just to get a drink of water to us…. A needed glass of water….

Not the same? Read my article on cravings found Here. It’s a pretty simple explanation as to what an addict goes through.

Anyway, back to water and ciggerettes and me being skinny. They’re all cravings & desires aren’t they?

OF course, that’s a Matter OF OPINION. As is EVERYTHING these days.

Opinions don’t equal facts. No matter how you spin it because today’s facts can be twisted.

I dread Thanksgiving & Christmas this year. Not because of Covid, but because of my fractured family. Disappointmeant, unspoken & spoken expectations. My inability to fix everyone’s concerns. My inability to move mountains to create stronger bonds…..

My son, 4 hours away, whom I can’t zoom with on Thanksgiving, even if I wanted to see his 100 lb weight loss ravaged body- because he has isolated himself away from his family and his life as he knew it for 32 years.

“Just QUIT!!!!”

I want to scream! There’s help available! You have 2 little kids who need to know their daddy loves them!!!

But with addiction it’s just not that easy. Their brain is hijacked into believing whatever the drug tells them. It’s always just one more time. It’s always not that bad. It’s always you have all the time in the world.

Meanwhile, 1 year turns into 2, and soon we will be heading into year 3 of this nightmare.

Before that, this son had built his dream business from nothing. Along with his brothers and dad.

High school drop-out, but
Worked his butt off from age 16 to 32. Nights, weekends- 70 hrs a week or more.  
Married, 2 precious kids. Built a beautiful hand crafted home in a red rock mecca paradise.


Brought his brothers and Dad along with him. They were unstoppable. 
Custom & commercial cement. Powerline fabrication,an excavating business & a freaking business for awhile.


In 2015 he did $500,000 in labor alone with zero investors which is unheard of in this business..
His closest competitors were multimillionaire companies…
His Gross revenue in 2014 was 70k.  He set a goal to double it…
He reached 1 million the next year..set aset a goal to double it..reached 3,million in 2017..

And then the opiod crisis hit him.

The last year he has lost everything.

I wrote THIS article as we were preparing for his intervention and first rehab. I was so angry at the political climate THEN! The waste of money spent, when my family & many others were DYING !!

Politics aside though….

Haaa!

Although it seems impossible these days to avoid a political conversation and/or have respect for someone who supports a certain group or cause; it can be done!

Groups, meetings, friends  and families CAN get along without spurring a argument, IF they can focus on what they DO agree on.

It takes effort for sure.

But if we can find common ground and unite together in a cause where we can actually make a difference, I think we can help the downtrodden, the mentally ill, the families and lives thrown into addiction.

To Save a To Save a Life – by The Frey….. One of my favorite songs of all time………

I just hope and pray every day that my son’s life is saved…by the grace of God or anything for that matter. I’ll take anything…….😭

A͎ D͎a͎y͎ i͎n͎ t͎h͎e͎ L͎i͎f͎e͎ o͎f͎ t͎h͎e͎ M͎o͎t͎h͎e͎r͎ o͎f͎ a͎n͎ A͎d͎d͎i͎c͎t͎

Lines In The Sand

I’m only 53 but I’ve saw a few things in my life. I saw the dust gather on the little black Atari box to make way for the big donkey Kong arcade game at the local dairy Queen.

I watched the excitement of of the neighborhood kids gathered around having asteroid contests. I watched the birth of Xbox, the internet and cell phones.

I watched the cars get smaller while the pricetag got bigger.

I saw houses get bigger while families got smaller. I watched parents work more & more hours while kids did more activities.

I watched the same 24 hours on the clock yet I saw time dwindling.

I saw exhausted frustrated parents at the end of the with nothing left to give to the most important people in their life. Work harder to have nicer things only to have less time to enjoy it.

In spite of this diminished time I saw peoples energy going into things far away from them even when they were home.

The distraction seemed legit.

It seemed easier to have an opinion on other people’s lives than what might be happening behind the scenes of theirs.

It became the norm even brazen to boast about the ridiculousness of something you only heard 3 minutes of information about. It seemed obvious that you would have done things differently had you been over there …. Plus you had expert opinions to guide you.

By the end of the hour, you, the expert & the newscaster had it all cut & dried. Your solution to the dilemma was of course the “right and only way to do the thing best for all involved..jeeshhhh it’s a no brainer, can’t you see that?”

Onto the next thing…

Your world in 60 seconds became a well known household slogan.

After all this WAS your world .. out there.. right?🌍🌏🌎

You HAD to care.. less SOMEone might do SOMEthing that might affect YOU if you didn’t insert your expert opinion..

Everyone knows that….

Don’t they?

Rapid technology has brought us millions of daily information to sort through. It became harder to stay neutral and let it pass. The Social kings have now admitted how they hooked us…

Hook line & sinker 🎣with bursts of dopamine day after day. 🧨We couldn’t wait until the next hit of ego- filled satisfaction. Family time, instead, became hours of internet searching, arguing, reading, playing silly games and surveys But WITH STRANGERS.

Many a study has been done on these effects… But here we are now- 2020- with a major major dilemma.

Before – we could have walked away & not had it affect us …. But NOW we can’t.

We are in too deep.

WE MUST CHOOSE A SIDE…

We must prove we are right & justified in our opinion. We look for evidence to back our claims. And we find it!!!

Social media has shown us how they served it up on a platter to us.

And now they’re taking it away. Suddenly it’s not ok to be us….. Suddenly we MuST think like our friends or our family or our co- worker’s or we are the stupid idiot who has a profile picture that CLEARLY shows what an inbecile we are.

Suddenly we are served limited information according to some obscure fact checker in some random basement ..

Yes I’ve lived half a century but I’ve never seen the intolerance and sheer derogatory venom that comes out of people’s keyboards.

And no.

It’s NOT ANYONE’S fault.

Yes the media can reward us with more of what we want, and we can feel like we’re part of some elite club, but at the end of the day, it’s US, OURSELVES & I that are responsible for Our words & actions.

AT the end of the day what matters?

CNN isn’t gonna be on your death bed, zuckerberg won’t send flowers. 💐

Jim Blow in Yimbucktwo isn’t going to suddenly apologies and say “hey man, you were right- sorry about giving you crap online”

Nope, at the end of the day, at the end of our life, WE are the ones who have to answer to & feel good about the energy and vibes we spread…

WE ARE responsible for the seeds of strength we plant or the fire & venom we spew.

What is your legacy gonna be?

4 years ago

Four years ago on Election day. ☑️🗳️☑️  YOU were the one who taught me to care about truth and standing up 4🇺🇲 AMERICA🇺🇲 YOU are the one who explained to me until 2am how evil works..🦹How it entices by promises shiney💎 things with slick talk and comforting words. With fake promises and easy political tag lines🧹🧙🕷️YOU were the perfect example, the passionate 🏇Messenger of all things life.

You, my first born son, were / are one of the most influential people to ANYone who’s ever met you.. With your knowledge, your humor….So it makes sense that you were attacked hard….🤺 You have been completely knocked down over and over.⚔️🤺by an evil demon who made you his slave. I have feared this demon for years. Feared his power and his bravado that he stole my son from his life, his family, his business.

But today there’s a new fear in my life. The fear of change. Today the world may never be the same. Life as we know it may slowly erode into a new, more compliant, less choice, more homegenized, less character.🇩🇪🛡️🇩🇪A new experience for sure. One that might test our very foundations of history and will affect our children for years to come…..For the first time since learning of your addiction, I am scared of something else…. I miss you son……🗣️🦜🗣️🦜🗣️🦜🗣️

How to Deal with Internet Criticism

As I’m trying my hand at writing with this blog site AND starting my first book, I really needed to strengthen my armor and battle my extra sensitive innerds to withstand future haters. So I was thrilled to read a fellow bloggers advice.

I came across THIS article on internet criticism.

In it they state to “Accept that someone else’s opinion is NOT your problem.”

Duh. I mean in theory it’s true. Why DO we care what Jim Bob from timbuck2 says?

Why does it seem like a direct hit to our gut. Is this all stemming from the era of ‘value everyone’s opinion–because everyone has a voice’ lessons in debate class?

The trouble with modern internet “debates” is they’re NOT debates. They’re arguments. So that in itself should show us that when someone criticizes US or our work, we should take it with a grain of salt- as my Mama used to say.

Speaking of my Mama; They also quote in the article, one of my favorite childhood comedians:

“Carol Burnett once said:
Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.”

Yup and you can never take them back thanks to screenshots and clouds.

Of course we’ve all saw the damage for ourselves. Arguments that quickly turn to name calling and making fun of someone’s profile picture as “verification” of “no wonder you’re an idiot”. Really? Are we in kindergarten?

All this negative energy and bad vibes doesn’t just harm our health, has a ripple effect too. When we get angry online do we immediately “let it go” & decompress or do we stew about it, take it out on our families, then get back on the thread and defend ourselves some more?

What wasted energy. I’ve always said that the person is judging you for your ONE SENTENCE out of 550 million sentences in your life. So then why so we give credence to their opinion??

It’s ludicrous on our part.

Yet we still get drawn in to the “debates”.

In years past, there were relatively few things debatable. I mean you could argue your theory on anything but EVERYTHING WASN’T POLITICIZED either.

As I stated in this THIS article a few weeks ago, every family, friend, and coworker seems to need to Draw a line in the sand and risk the unraveling of relationships with family and coworkers.

Wtf really matters?

Opinions don’t equal facts. No matter how you spin it because today’s facts can be twisted- says I. In another opinion article. ( Cause MY opinion MATTERS 🙂)

Anyway, you get the drift.

If we wasn’t somehow dependant on “followers” or job reviews to maintain our lifestyle, I suspect we could ƇƛƦЄ ԼЄƧƧ.

But meanwhile… We need a balance of “caring about people just not what they think”

Which leads me to another great article about what people think -written by someone with a great Opinion…🤷‍♂️

Please check out This advise too.

VERY timely needed. (Just my opinion- lol)

https://wp.me/p1KAF8-77h