Toughless Love

The heart that builds itself up to do the “tough love”,Fails miserably over & over again… The heart that swears to never enable again, walks past her son’s picture & breaks down into tears of what he must look like now…..This Mom who melts into relief at seeing that green dot- of-life online today. ThisContinue reading “Toughless Love”

Bamboozled

You WANT so desperately to believe them… You NEED to believe them…. Your SANITY and PEACE depend on believing them…Not to mention your ability to get a good night’s sleep….Just for tonight… Until you are lying there and the realization Hits you…. You’ve been bamboozled again…You’ve become addictions 550 million- possibly- billionth second-hand victim ofContinue reading “Bamboozled”

Does It Matter?

Guest blog shared by Laura Swank Is it a disease?Or is it just a choice?Does it even matter,Since I can’t hear your voice? Now the pressures off,You don’t have to fight,But when the day is done,And I close my eyes at night… What could you have been?What could you have done?Is what I think about,WhenContinue reading “Does It Matter?”

I Don’t Want to Sit by a Heroin Addict

These are the words I heard echo from a co-worker during a meeting today.  She was talking about a client who didn’t want to go to a place of business in case he had to sit by a heroin addict. If I was financially independent, I would have stood up and said: (well- yelled, “ThereContinue reading “I Don’t Want to Sit by a Heroin Addict”

The Casualties Of Addiction

ƛԼԼ ƖƝ ƬӇЄ ƊƛƳ ƠƑ ƛ ԼƖƑЄ The little girl with the shy smile, came over to me, standing in the kitchen. Her sticky fingers grabbed my hands and led me to the dining room table where the family was singing Happy Birthday to her soon to be little sister. She sat in the tallContinue reading “The Casualties Of Addiction”

The Night after Christmas

нow was your Cнrιѕтмαѕ? The words echoed into my ears even before they left my co-workers mouth. I instinctively have enough experience with avoidance and deflection to get a jump on her question. By appearing busy and having enough ‘questions’ and data of my own; I was able to layer my question on top ofContinue reading “The Night after Christmas”

Give Me Back My Son

ƛ͙ Ɗ͙ƛ͙Ƴ͙ Ɩ͙Ɲ͙ Ƭ͙Ӈ͙Є͙ LƖ͙Ƒ͙Є͙ Sunday: I’m at work, passing medications- the irony. 10:15 text- hey mom, is there any way you could help me out? I don’t get paid until tomorrow and I borrowed $100 from a friend to cover rent. 10:16 hi son, nice to hear from you. I could buy you someContinue reading “Give Me Back My Son”

Anticipatory Grief

ƛ͙ Ɗ͙ƛ͙Ƴ͙ Ɩ͙Ɲ͙ Ƭ͙Ӈ͙Є͙ Լ͙Ɩ͙Ƒ͙Є͙ A person with a substance use disorder. Is the correct title. But today. It doesn’t matter. My son is lost in the chaotic world of addiction. He’s in pure survival mode. And so am I. The middle of the night awakenings are wearing on me…. Checking my phone for “theContinue reading “Anticipatory Grief”

Rice on White

ƛ͙ Ɗ͙ƛ͙Ƴ͙ Ɩ͙Ɲ͙ Ƭ͙Ӈ͙Є͙ LƖ͙Ƒ͙Є͙ As much as I dislike the title, it is what it is. Time to make do and find the hidden rainbow right? There didn’t seem to be ANY rainbows to be found as I stared down at the floor full of rice. I was at work and had just ranContinue reading “Rice on White”

Hi Santa

Hi Santa Hi Santa, Nice to see you again. Have you been quarantined? Oh you are always quarantined? For 11 months? Well I’m glad you decided to show up this crazy year. Have I been a good girl? Well, that’s debatable. What do I want for Christmas you say? I thought you’d never ask. IContinue reading “Hi Santa”

Beyond Mud Pies

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Live, parent, teach, repeat

The ramblings of a middle aged wife of one, mother of three, teacher of French and owner of a crazy Springer Spaniel.

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