Tag: compassion

Not My Child

Overdose Awareness Day

For all those who see all the purple banners today representing overdose awareness day and you scroll on by thinking:

“I’m glad that doesn’t affect me, I’m glad I taught my kids better” or “Someone should have got them help”.

I applaud you. I do.

I am sooo glad that you have never had to watch your beautiful child turn into someone you didn’t know,
I’m sooo glad you’ve never had to get a call from the inmate phone system asking if you’ll accept the charges as you swallow the lump in your throat.

I’m soooo glad you’ve never had the experience of watching your 28-year-old, Once 220 lb- now 160 lb son, thrash around in the back seat, sweating, then freezing, begging his own mother to please take him to get drugs to stop this sickness, as you’re trying to take him to detox.

I’m sooo glad you’ve never had to see a dad in a restaurant with his kids & have your heart ache so deeply that your son isn’t with his kids.

I’m so glad you don’t have to sit down at a delicious meal & feel a twinge of guilt knowing your child hasn’t eaten for days & wondering where he is at.

I’m so glad you’ve never had to see your precious grandkids celebrate a birthday & not knowing the words to tell them that their dad has a chronic, progressive, fatal illness that teaches him lies & makes him do crazy things but he’s NOT crazy & this IS NOT happening because they are unworthy of love or did something wrong.

I’m glad that you would never tell a dying lung cancer patient that they shouldn’t have started smoking. I’m glad you would never tell a diabetic patient that they only get ONE chance to get their blood sugars under control, and then they’re on their own.

Or they should just get over this pesky illness that’s inconveniencing everyone.

I truly am.

Because I wouldn’t wish this nightmare on anyone. I would never want anyone else to lay awake at night, unable to stop the tears, wondering what they could have done differently.

I wouldn’t want anyone else to wonder if today is the day that THEY get the call.

I’m very glad that you taught your kids to make better choices, & that you’ve never broken the speed limit or took a drink or had something so traumatic in your life that you just needed to get through the pain for a minute- And if you did, luckily you were able to stop or walk away without any devastating effects.

Great genes, or coping skills! I wonder if you could help teach those to others? Obedience to life and all the rules, like you have done your whole life, must feel great. I’m sure you love your wonderful life.

What say you? Oh, your life isn’t perfect? I must have missed that part when you were shaking your head in disgust, or when you were rapidly typing with your two thumbs on the Narcan post that your tax dollars shouldn’t have to pay for others’ dumb choices.

In that case, we should start looking at ALL the programs funded by taxpayer money AND also the local hospital programs for heart disease and diabetes, HIV, many of which are the result of personal choices and they DO affect others in their own way.

I’m sure you’re normally a compassionate person. I used to be you. I was compassionate AND caring! I donated to the local children hospital fund. I ran in the race-for-cancer cure fun run. I donated coats for the homeless drive every winter when my kids were little. I left cans on my front door for the boy scout food drive.

But when driving by the guy on the corner, avoiding eye contact with him; I just KNEW that he was only supporting his habit and I had all I could do to not say out loud, “Just GET A JOB!

I understand, I do.

Never, ever, did it cross my mind that I would be walking into a police station to pick up leftover evidence that they had from a drug bust. Never, ever did I think I would be watching a nurse drain a cyst off my sons arm and watching him scream in pain. Never, ever did I worry every single day that my sons life would end, except maybe when he was a baby and had a high fever and was vomiting all night.

See, I’m not really that much different than you. The difference is, I’ve had the humbleness bug forced upon me for a few years now. I don’t hold it against you that you have missed that bug.

We need to create practical affordable solutions for all- while eliminating the waste & fraud in treatment.

Shame and embarrassment are keeping people from seeking treatment.

Even if that means opening our mind up to alternative treatments such as Harm reduction.

The death rate is frightening and it IS AN EPIDEMIC as it affects the core of the family structure, jobs, crime, the jail system, and little kids who grow up with the stigma of a parent in jail or who has died from overdose or poisoning.

Addiction affects every aspect of society whether directly or indirectly. If you don’t have anything to offer to help stop this nightmare, then please please offer your compassion and time. Even if you don’t understand how it gets to this point, you can still give
HOPE to a suffering addict or a kind word to the family of a person with a substance use disorder.

Or what about not arguing about insulin needing to be free. Maintenance meds are not usually free to anyone, but AED paddles and Narcan to revive-not treat, are free to EMTS.

Other people in pain are NOT the enemy.

See, I don't want one more parent to have to bury a child due to drugs or alcohol, but the only way that's going to happen is if we ALL take on a little part of this ongoing and progressive epidemic to get rid of judgements and stigmas so we can forge practical, affordable solutions for all. 
This IS everyone's problem...

It’s ok to NOT understand the complexities of this disease and to not have a solution!

You can still give that person holding a sign on the corner, a $5 McDonald’s card to let him know that yes, someone does give a damn today- no matter what their motives.

Without hope, everyone suffers.
🤗🍀🙏💔💕💜☂️

How Are You?

When is the last time someone has actually looked you in the eye and sincerely asked that question?

How does it truly feel when you feel heard and understood? No judgement.

My husband told me today: 

Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing the best you can.

I’ve been stifling & muffling a lot of feelings lately. Deep fear & pain. So much that if someone were to ask me – I’m sure I would completely fall apart.

Everyone has different levels of coping. What is not a big deal to some, is catastrophic to others…

Even though I disagree with Myo Angelos quote in this context- I do like Barb Schmidts words:

Remember we can never control the choices, actions, and behaviors of other people.
Never.
So don’t waste your energy thinking that you can, instead let them be who they are.

In the words of Maya Angelou, “When people show you who they are believe them.” 🌻-Barb Schmidt

My fav guru states: 

"Everyone is doing the best they can, if they could do better- they would".

This doesn’t give people an excuse for being mean or making negative choices that affect others, but it does give a little grace to where people are in their journey.

It got me thinking about how a person struggling with addiction feels to always to TOLD they’re doing it wrong. Never being asked “how are YOU feeling today?” We don’t ask them because we THINK we must know how they feel? Or is it because we WANT them to feel a certain way? We WANT them to say, “I’m miserable and ready for a change”. If they were to say, ” I’m feeling good today”. Would we jump to lecturing them?

Last time I saw my son in person, was over a year ago. He was on my couch after a quick 3 day detox. We were watching Seinfeld’s stand up comedy. My son was laughing…. Truly laughing. I filmed him with curiosity, thinking how can he laugh with all he is facing “to fix”. But I was overcome with the warmth of a struggling human who’s just trying to get through another day.

Whether someone hides their pain in laughter, or drugs; they still deserve to be asked, how are you? What’s on your mind today? ” If nothing else- just to know someone cares.

And…..HOW ARE YOU?

Courtesy of

Take What You Need

My job gives me the opportunity to intimately see into a person’s life…..in fact I see pretty much the whole spectrum from birth to death.

I’ve had the opportunity to watch 100’s of births and maybe half as many deaths.

After an emotional week at work which resulted in several awakenings, tonight my heart is full. Full of a sense of the struggles people face…
Sometimes silently… Sometimes in the public eye.

The sudden appearance of disease in your life; wrenching heartache & turmoil that you never dreamed of; or the pain of looking into the eyes of a lost soul, seeing the remnants of broken dreams shattered.

My personal awakenings included memories of my parent’s deaths mingled with twinges of regret; also the suicide of my brother 15 years before; who was my hero..my protector…my wizard.🤺

I’ve witnessed fame and the fall; anger and outright apathy. I’ve seen firsthand that disease, addiction and death have NO favorites. No one is immune. It doesn’t matter how famous, how rich, how respected you are, you can’t prevent  tragedy and strife from invading your sacred space.

Although our challenges are different, the one thing that we all have in common is human bodies & souls 💫 that need connection. Gabor Mate explains it well Here in this easy cartoon drawing.

What it comes down to is …..that ALL of us  eventually struggle with the same issues.

To think our time will never come or that our kids will never have to experience that deep pain is being very naive.

We all experience feelings of loss, regret, sadness, and guilt.

When those times arrive, almost everyone craves understanding & compassion without expectation;

A hand placed over theirs;

A gentle touch that says: “I’m not scared of your disease”.

Eyes that hold no judgement…. Just simple silence that says “I’m here”. A parting hug that says, “everything will work out”.

And most of all – A heart that says

L❤️VE

💜❣️💛❣️💚❣️💙

©Samantha Waters RN