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How Are You?

When is the last time someone has actually looked you in the eye and sincerely asked that question?

How does it truly feel when you feel heard and understood? No judgement.

My husband told me today:

Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing the best you can. 

I’ve been stifling & muffling a lot of feelings lately. Deep fear & pain. So much that if someone were to ask me – I’m sure I would completely fall apart.

Everyone has different levels of coping. What is not a big deal to some, is catastrophic to others…

Even though I disagree with Myo Angelos quote in this context- I do like Barb Schmidts words:

Remember we can never control the choices, actions, and behaviors of other people.
Never.
So don’t waste your energy thinking that you can, instead let them be who they are.

In the words of Maya Angelou, “When people show you who they are believe them.” 🌻-Barb Schmidt

My fav guru states:

"Everyone is doing the best they can, if they could do better- they would".  

This doesn’t give people an excuse for being mean or making negative choices that affect others, but it does give a little grace to where people are in their journey.

It got me thinking about how a person struggling with addiction feels to always to TOLD they’re doing it wrong. Never being asked “how are YOU feeling today?” We don’t ask them because we THINK we must know how they feel? Or is it because we WANT them to feel a certain way? We WANT them to say, “I’m miserable and ready for a change”. If they were to say, ” I’m feeling good today”. Would we jump to lecturing them?

Last time I saw my son in person, was over a year ago. He was on my couch after a quick 3 day detox. We were watching Seinfeld’s stand up comedy. My son was laughing…. Truly laughing. I filmed him with curiosity, thinking how can he laugh with all he is facing “to fix”. But I was overcome with the warmth of a struggling human who’s just trying to get through another day.

Whether someone hides their pain in laughter, or drugs; they still deserve to be asked, how are you? What’s on your mind today? ” If nothing else- just to know someone cares.


And…..HOW ARE YOU?

Courtesy of
Home Base

Take What You Need

My job gives me the opportunity to intimately see into a person’s life…..in fact I see pretty much the whole spectrum from birth to death.

I’ve had the opportunity to watch 100’s of births and maybe half as many deaths.

After an emotional week at work which resulted in several awakenings, tonight my heart is full. Full of a sense of the struggles people face…
Sometimes silently… Sometimes in the public eye.

The sudden appearance of disease in your life; wrenching heartache & turmoil that you never dreamed of; or the pain of looking into the eyes of a lost soul, seeing the remnants of broken dreams shattered.

My personal awakenings included memories of my parent’s deaths mingled with twinges of regret; also the suicide of my brother 15 years before; who was my hero..my protector…my wizard.🤺

I’ve witnessed fame and the fall; anger and outright apathy. I’ve seen firsthand that disease, addiction and death have NO favorites. No one is immune. It doesn’t matter how famous, how rich, how respected you are, you can’t prevent  tragedy and strife from invading your sacred space.

Although our challenges are different, the one thing that we all have in common is human bodies & souls 💫 that need connection. Gabor Mate explains it well Here in this easy cartoon drawing.

What it comes down to is …..that ALL of us  eventually struggle with the same issues.

To think our time will never come or that our kids will never have to experience that deep pain is being very naive.

We all experience feelings of loss, regret, sadness, and guilt.

When those times arrive, almost everyone craves understanding & compassion without expectation;

A hand placed over theirs;

A gentle touch that says: “I’m not scared of your disease”.

Eyes that hold no judgement…. Just simple silence that says “I’m here”. A parting hug that says, “everything will work out”.

And most of all – A heart that says

L❤️VE

💜❣️💛❣️💚❣️💙

©Samantha Waters RN