When is the last time someone has actually looked you in the eye and sincerely asked that question?
How does it truly feel when you feel heard and understood? No judgement.
My husband told me today:
Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing the best you can.
I’ve been stifling & muffling a lot of feelings lately. Deep fear & pain. So much that if someone were to ask me – I’m sure I would completely fall apart.
Everyone has different levels of coping. What is not a big deal to some, is catastrophic to others…
Even though I disagree with Myo Angelos quote in this context- I do like Barb Schmidts words:
Remember we can never control the choices, actions, and behaviors of other people. Never. So don’t waste your energy thinking that you can, instead let them be who they are.
In the words of Maya Angelou, “When people show you who they are believe them.” 🌻-Barb Schmidt
My fav guru states:
"Everyone is doing the best they can, if they could do better- they would".
This doesn’t give people an excuse for being mean or making negative choices that affect others, but it does give a little grace to where people are in their journey.
It got me thinking about how a person struggling with addiction feels to always to TOLD they’re doing it wrong. Never being asked “how are YOU feeling today?”We don’t ask them because we THINK we must know how they feel? Or is it because we WANT them to feel a certain way? We WANT them to say, “I’m miserable and ready for a change”. If they were to say, ” I’m feeling good today”. Would we jump to lecturing them?
Last time I saw my son in person, was over a year ago. He was on my couch after a quick 3 day detox. We were watching Seinfeld’s stand up comedy. My son was laughing…. Truly laughing. I filmed him with curiosity, thinking how can he laugh with all he is facing “to fix”. But I was overcome with the warmth of a struggling human who’s just trying to get through another day.
Whether someone hides their pain in laughter, or drugs; they still deserve to be asked, how are you? What’s on your mind today? ” If nothing else- just to know someone cares.
It might sound weird, but everytime I hear the churn of it spinning, I get a sense of rightness in the world.
It might be the gratefulness I feel at having a comfortable home and even a washer, knowing that one of my flesh and blood doesn’t anymore😭. Or I might have always liked the rythmic sound of the washer as it washes away the days troubles, and just didn’t know it….
Quite possibly it takes me back to my pre-birth day as I was frolicking in my own “tub of water” preparing me for entrance into the chaos of the world. The washer mimicking the safety of the Mother’s womb with the steady rythmic movement of a portable love incubator with themuffled sounds entering into my safe space.
Then there’s the soap. The clean, fresh linen smell. Whether it’s the chemicals made to smell like a gentle breeze in a tele-tubby rolling hill grass field or a squirt of lemon onto a fresh leaf of lettuce; it brings feelings of comfort and peace.
Spring Cleaning, a much needed car wash the day before it rains, Saturday morning hair cuts with 20 other people waiting. All these seemingly mundane things are so important to our chafing off the struggles of the week & the dirt of yesterday so we can refresh and feel better even for a moment.
Spring is all that and more. Seeing the flowers peek through the ground makes the long hard winter a distant memory. Like chickens hatching out of a sharp cold shell into the warmth of the sun & breathing in the smell of the grass and frolicking in the refreshing water; we can use spring to breathe hope into our lives.
If you read my post on spring tides from Gary Lewis or you watched the trapped boats in the Suez canal on the news, you know that a Spring Tide came in to save the day.
Gary compares this to our ability to turn our problems over to a higher power.
“We enter the passage of our years seeking to float to our eternal destiny. Pride and selfishness obscures our view, and sin mires us down. Our unaided efforts are futile to effectuate our escape..
Our Savior’s atoning sacrifice comes to our rescue, if we choose to accept it. Like a rising tide, the blood of His sacrifice lifts our ponderous weight and breaks us free from the quicksand that binds us. We are damned in our progress no more.
Since it’s Easter week, I’m feeling very emotional and spiritual.
I haven’t always been so religious. I was raised halfway going to church and halfway not. In times of despair and stress, I turned for comfort in my higher power, such as when my brother took his own life when I was 12. Most times I was a anti-“fair-weather” friend to God. Some might say a hypocrite.
But whatever it is or WAS, now I find myself reveling in the calmness and sheer relief of turning over my problems and my Son’s journey to someone more able to handle it.
Powerlessness and pain will do that.
So this spring is different.
I have finally asked God for forgiveness of what I see as my sin’s and mistakes. I finally, at 53 years old, believe that Jesus sacrificed his life so that we don’t have to keep reliving our shame & suffering over & over again. He wants us to give up our pain & let go of our prideful stories of victimhood or even martyrdom. It’s disheartening to him to have us be miserable when he gave us this gift to be FREE of our pain.
I think it’s called Redemption.
The dictionary defines redemption as: 1. the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil. 2. the action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment, or clearing a debt.
“The blood was the price that set the captives free”
Even if you aren’t a believer, anyone can follow the act of redeeming themselves in order to make the best version of ourselves and spread goodness to those around us and especially to those suffering souls.
“The world is where the souls of men are held captive so no man is free. There is only one liberation and liberator of the souls of men in the world and it’s by faith in Jesus Christ alone. Men do not fight for liberty, but fight to remain in their captivities which they have grown accustom to. To be free is a spiritual reality not a physical one and so men fight wars and strive in vain thinking that wealth, might and individual rights set them free”.