Have you ever tried to read your credit card number to someone on the phone and the light just isn’t hitting it right or you don’t have your glasses on, or worse – the card is backward AND you don’t have your glasses on?
You just CAN’T quite make it out and you start to feel really dumb or something and maybe apologize or you might even lash out if the person on the phone is rushing you with questions of “HELLO, are you still there??”
“Yes, I’m still here. I just can’t see it yet.”
“The numbers should be 16 digits separated into 4 sections”.
“I KNOW WHAT THE NUMBERS ARE, JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE!!!” You tell the person.
“How old are you?” They say.
“WHAT DOES THAT MATTER”?
“Because you sound like you’re a grown person”.
“I AM!!! What does that have to do with ANYTHING!!!!!
Your face is now flushed, as you frantically look for your glasses or try to get to a brighter light.
“Well then, you SHOULD be able to see the numbers. I have MY credit card right here and I would NEVER take this long, in fact, the very SECOND I knew there was a problem I would be fixing it”.
You can’t believe your ears!
“Why you dirty rotten miserable human being, you have a lot of nerve telling me what I’m supposed to be and not be, HOW DARE YOU????”
“Ma-am look, I’m just doing my JOB. I tell it like it is and if you can’t handle it, then that’s your problem. You should probably get some help for that”.
“YOU CAN TAKE YOUR ADVICE and SHOVE IT”.
You hang up the phone shaking.
You mutter to yourself, “They have no idea if my eyesight, or my lighting or all the things I’m trying to juggle. They SHOULD be Grateful that I even thought of them and called. They can take this bill and shove it!”
~ ~ ~~~~
Ok, so customer service people may not talk like that to us, but don’t we talk to people we love that way sometimes?
“You SHOULD know better, why can’t you SEE what you’re doing? Look, I don’t have time for this. Or-I’m just doing my job and watching out for you”.
And we get no appreciation right?
In fact we might even get the cold shoulder, or the phone hang up, which isn’t nearly as dramatic as when we could slam it on the receiver.
Because, guess what?
No one. Likes. To. Be. Told. What. To. do. 🎤🔽.
Especially when they CAN’T SEE it themselves……..
No one wants to be told they’re paying too much for their car insurance until they sit down and re-do their budget. It doesn’t matter how many times you shove the little green gecko in front of them. They can’t see it. 🦎
I heard it again today on a Mom’s support group:
“He’s a grown man, he SHOULD know better. He NEEDS to be doing this and this. Oh and he NEEDS to give his life to Jesus too”.
Look. I like Jesus, I believe in him. But that doesn’t mean my son does, or ever will. Also, my son may never recover in the way I want him to. In fact, come to think of it, all my kids seem to have to learn the hard way of things I’ve told them.
Does that mean that I deprive them of my time, attention, and emotional support until they learn their lesson?
No, this isn’t about not kicking a child out, it’s about being mean and spiteful and just generally cruel to someone who doesn’t think the way we do or see things as we see them.
Here’s a shocker…..
What if WE, the ultimate expert on allThingschildren..now, don’t actually know what’s best for someone?
It’s hard to believe when we see such pain and heartache and wasted time and money, but we have to get to a place where we stop trying to maneuver outcomes according to our comfort level. (outside of our own homes I mean).
How many times have I been driving and seen a car going just a little too slow for MY schedule, and I pass them thinking they need to get a life. How many times has just one thing been wrong with my husband’s hair or beard and he fixes it just for me and then I can go on with my day?
No, I’m not a control freak. That’s not my personality type.
But I am a:
We want things better so we can feel better – that’s not a crime. But telling someone else how to think, feel, and live their life, should be.
Bottom line. We, as humans, probably will never be happy with WHAT IS- all the time, until we mentally be happy with WHAT IS- in the moment.
We can do that begrudgingly and crabby or with lots of deep breaths and a smile on our face. No, not a fake smile.
A smile that gives others the grace to find their own way. To live their journey with as much dignity as possible especially if there’s some mental illness or disorder involved. A
A smile that can love and be at least civil to another struggling human- even when that human is directing their pain at us.
We can be a mirror to someones pain and suffering or we can be a lighthouse to show how healthy people operate in times of stress.
Then we can finally smile. A smile of relief that we are no longer in charge of everybody and everything in order to be happy.
We are only in charge of ourselves....