Tag: resolution

New Year New Hope

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun. ☀️But now winter is here & it’s that Cold time of year

Goodbye 2025

It’s been real

But not real fun

You did teach me some valuable things:

  • That I can celebrate small joys even when I feel incredible pain, disappointment and sadness inside.
  • That I am capable of deeper love and forgiveness than I thought.
  • That others opinions of me don’t prove my worth

In fact—most opinions are so greatly skewed by our experience and by our pain, that they don’t represent what is happening in real time. For example, yesterday my husband and I were going through a storage unit and were listing things for sale. I looked up some end tables to find out they were worth almost $300. I said,

“Why haven’t we been using these?”

“Because I thought you hated them.”

“Why would you think that? I’ve never even seen them.“

“I just thought they must not have been good enough for you.”

Heavens. So much conjecture. He had moved these item from his storage shed to one closer to us after we had married- his third marriage, my second. Most of the item were from his previous marriages so there really was no reason for me to go through them as I had my own household items. Whatever he was keeping must be for sentimental value—who was I to question that? But that may be my own projection.

But back to my list:

  • Planting consistent seeds of hope and emotional support can turn into trees of pure gold. And if they don’t, then at least I offered my part of spreading good vibes into the universe.
  • I also learned that no matter what you witness in others or from others such as rudeness, shaming, shunning, or complete indifference; it is a reflection of the lack of love and acceptance they have experienced in their life and you are just the current easiest target.

In 2023 I experienced some of my darkest moments. Moments that made me question my purpose and my existence. I was ravaged with thoughts of death and the adversary’s favorite words: 

“Why try?”

2023 taught me that trying is as much a part of life as eating or drinking. You have to continually do it or face annihilation.

A recent family situation made me see that there are people who have their limits of trying. They committed to doing just so many things for someone and when the results were not shown in their time limit, they ceased all contact. This caused incredible pain to the person because even they themselves didn’t understand why they couldn’t achieve lasting results in their goals and life.

Human behavior has always been the biggest mystery of the universe and when you add in substance use, mental illness, and the destructive personality types of narcissism and controlling vindictiveness; the perfect storm of vitriol and spite will most likely destroy relationships.

After almost being crushed by these actions I’m 2025, I am determined to do the thing.

The thing of New Years Resolutions

I will commit to trying harder, loving deeper and singing louder. I will write more and publish my book! Cook better meals, and dance more.

To the New Year: Let’s be friends

Let’s have new adventures and breakthroughs often, and let’s join in spreading kindness not hate.

Let’s believe people when they show you how deep their pain~ then show THEM how deeply love heals💘🖤💘🖤💘

Most of all 2025: can you please be my friend?

Let’s make this OUR year of L♥️V ✌️PEACE & J📀Y!!

365 Days

As I watched the black swirly water from my home box of hair coloring make its way down the slowly backing-up drain; I thought of how significant this is for the end of this year. All my disappointments, black clouds of despair, & misunderstandings going, going, gone down the black jole of nowhere. Disappearing– yet holding on just enough to let me wade in the remnants of their chaos.

Although I’ve had a lot of blessings this year its also been a year of frustration & roadbumps. What I HAVE learned is to never let yourself get too comfortable. We know change is a given & most of the time, its not our choice.

When we somehow assume that we have arrived or that now life can began to get better, the rug will be pulled out from under us again. I’m not saying to be a pessimist and I certainly don’t think living in a state of paranoia is healthy; but I do think if we live each day as if things could change tomorrow, it would be a little less disappointing.

The power dynamic in relationships contributes to the level of toxicity and can originate for many

reasons. Mental illness, addiction, or strong personality types.

People are very fragile inside. Just because you’ve nabbed that guy into marriage, or finally arrived at a place you have wanted, it’s not ever a given that it will stay that way. You HAVE to constantly feed that relationship, work on job skills, people skills. People are constantly evolving. Their emotions & feelings change & they are feverishly trying to keep up with their own thoughts and their own selves.

We can’t assume that we aren’t hurting them by saying something that we’ve always said before, or by taking them for granted, just because yesterday they may have responded a certain way– such as ambivalence. 

Their ambivalence might be a defense mechanism to not be hurt further.

Sometimes we don’t realize how cutting our words are until it’s too late. If someone is stonewalling us, we might be toxic or–at the very minimum- not helpful to an already challenging situation. Most people- people who have a heart-will eventually have regrets when the relationship ends due to death. If we can put aside our ego, and/or heal our benevolence and pain; while there is still time, then we can create stronger bonds that are helpful, not hurtful.

We can achieve this by practicing heart-centered communication that fosters family relationships instead of continually punishing ourselves and others with being right at all times and/or being the virtuous one.

Healed people don’t expect every interaction to fulfill their emotional needs. Healthy people don’t demand rigid rules of communicating.

Before my parents died I had one goal for many many years. It was to not have any regrets after they passed. I lived that every single day with them for 20+ years. And except for the very end of their lives, I have very few regrets.

I have now practiced this with my struggling son for the last few years.

On Christmas, my husband and I sat in a cozy Mexican restaurant in a rundown part of town with him. I looked into his eyes and saw a defeated man. I saw a glimpse of a loving dad as he looked at a picture of his daughter who was growing up without him. A daughter who he was very close to for the first 7 years of her life. Who he sent flowers to when he was working out of town. A daughter that addiction took him away from her and every time he gets close to being in her life, the prize is pulled further away, like a perpetually moving carrot. I saw his deep pain & almost disdain for what his life has become. He still thinks bigger than life, while having nothing to his name. He struggled to voice his feelings and explain how his behaviors seem to make sense to him, but to us they seem convoluted and chaotic.

My heart ached so deeply I thought I would crumble into tears. But I had to stay strong. I had to show my son hope. I had to let him believe that there was one more miracle n store for him. I had to somehow convince him that sobriety was better than this. That he would be a dad again despite tremendous obstacles and unhealed pain. I had to be the lighthouse that helps guide him out of darkness. And if I can’t guide him out, then I must be able to sit with him in pain. I will have no regrets with my son. That is my goal. He will know he’s loved and capable and strong. He will believe that many people love and care for him, even if they don’t or can’t say it.

I will remind him. I will be the voice of those still too unhealed and angry. I will be the link, the connection.

Because heart- centered Love is just that. It centers in the heart and stays there forever, despite circumstances beyond reasonable control.

As each new year starts it gives us an excuse to have no regrets- at least with how we treat people. One more day means we can try again. 365 days to get it right, do it better next year. We may not have the power to change the outcomes, but we have the power in ourselves to spread life and love over mangled and desperate souls.

So, just like my swirling black water tonight- I let go of everything I’ve perpetrated against unknowingly. People I’ve hurt and offended. You can’t move forward with the same problems if you are in the same mindset as when the problems were created, so I’m letting them go down the drain. Here’s a toast to 2023. May it be full of love- not regret. Full of appreciation-not bitterness. And full of heart-centered effort- not regret…💖🎆💖🎆💖🎆💖