Momma Bear/Bird

The momma bird pecked ferociously at the window. She could feel her eggs wobbling inside her patiently awaiting their day.

It only made her peck harder at the window, fervently NEEDING to accomplish this feat.

Finally! SUCCESS! She broke through the barrier that meant stability and LIFE for her littles.

She went home feeling accomplished. Time was SO SHORT. She could already feel the warm breezes of spring coming closer every day. She must return bright and early to continue her mission. She tossed and turned all night in the flapping dryer vent. It was warm there but the tin was hard and flat. She could think of nothing else but a nice round warm nest where she pictured her brightly colored baby eggs getting nurtured in her love.

The next day was more pecking, cautiously stopping when she heard a sound approach. Ah, it was just the neighbor, the ones who have the lovely bird feeder on their porch. Thirsty & hungry she flew away for lunch, reveling in her progress. Back at it, in what seemed like an eternity, but was really only hours in human time; she broke through the barrier.

She couldn’t believe it! Persistence paid off! Her nest would be the strongest in the whole neighborhood! She ravagely pulled off the steel screen pieces to line her sweet babies first precious sanctuary.

Her babies would be so happy! They would grow up strong and safe and warm. They would fill their beaks and tummies with worms and bugs and all things wonderful that momma found. They would squawk and play and frolic while momma watched on proudly.

When the time came for their departure, momma would shed a big wet bird tear and push them out of the nest.

Momma bird would have a moment of silence saying a little bird prayer for them to live a full and safe life. She prayed for them to have the wisdom to stay clear of airplanes and vultures and all things that mean instant death. She hoped they would have strong instincts to avoid the slow killers too, poisonous plants and moldy water.

But she didn’t have long to worry. She had to start preparing for the next batch. She started singing in her best, clearest most beautiful birdsong ever!

Word press

Just in case you ever wondered why Mom’s are so stubborn and refuse to detach from their child or at least ‘ worry-like-a-muttha’ when they don’t have food or adequate shelter. I guess the key is-be more like a momma bear when they’re little but become a momma bird later. Detach with loving purpose as you push them into the vast world.

Breathe- Just Breathe

“Breathe, just breathe”.

That’s what I constantly hear myself saying these days.

In this political climate of the world today, it’s SO easy to find yourself in a sudden moment of anger, shock, and surprise at any and every new development.

It’s hard not to react and retort with a knee- jerk response. It’s hard to remember that you are no doubt going to waste your energy AND Not likely to change ANY minds.

Those of us in the business of momma hood find ourself in this predictament quite often.

“Pick your battles”

Is our war cry.

Those of us with a very loved one in active addiction live with this fear & panic daily.

As I stated in my Previous post on the pandemic, we are familiar with the daily shock without the “ahh”. 

It’s amazing what happens when another human being ever so conveniently decides to cross your way in a not so positive manner.

Even if it’s one of your own ….

One minute everything’s fine, the next, you’re at the top of the highest roller coaster heading down to the depths of who knows where.

We find ourselves plunged head- first into a world that we were only vaguely aware of before.

What to do?

Most people, especially the “anon” groups tell you to detach with love. Unfortunately alot of their stories that I hear, feel more like detach with coldness and aloofness.

It goes against every mother- cell of survival and caretaking imaginable. That’s why we hang on for so long.

Sometimes too long. Until we are deficient & lacking energy, focus and hope. The very things people look toward us for.

We are the healers, the lovers, the make-it-all better-ers. We stay up all night just to make sure our babies don’t choke if they have breathing problems.

Over the years we fervently buy creams, vitamins, educational toys to make sure they develop normally. We worry if they are lacking anything that might cause their stuff esteem to plummet.

Now our babies are out there doing all sorts of self harm and damage to their precious bodies. We can’t think about it without cringing and feeling a deep sense of .. Failure? Or is it just sadness?

Yet we are told over and over again, “Let go” “Give it to God”. “Live your life.”

So we resort to…..

Appearing to”let go..

Appealing to God to take it…

And Attempting to live our life.

Because if we do anything other than that, we are punished for caring.

Twenty or thirty years ago we would be punished for not caring, for not giving our family everything they need and providing for their safety and comfort. But the minute they turn 18, OR the minute they are labeled “an addict”; we are judged as co-dependant.

Robert Weiss, in his Book Prodependance, squelches that diagnosis saying that it’s not abnormal to care about someone when your family is in crisis, whether that crisis be cancer or addiction.

It’s a comforting book full of validation for us suffering Mom’s.

But just because it’s not abnormal to care, doesn’t mean it’s healthy either. If you find yourself lost, feeling powerless, depressed and struggling to relate to anything and anyone, then you have a problem OTHER than your addicted loved one.

That’s when you need to decide: “Is this vile creature that has hijacked your beautiful child, going to have two victims or just one?”

That’s the question of the day for this mom of a person with a substance use disorder……

Credit: Samantha Waters- Kauai, Hawaii

Just Breathe Edna’s Art