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My Son is Healed

He Just Doesn’t Know It Yet

Normally on days like this, I have many triggers regarding my son and the damage his addiction has caused, not only to himself but our entire family.

But today is different.

Today, I choose faith. Not HOPE, but pure faith. I’m not dissing hope. I’ve relied on it for months, year’s even. There’s nothing wrong with hope. Hope that things will get better, is what keeps people from sinking into an abyss of depression at times.

I’m going to get very vulnerable here. When or ‘because‘ hope hasn’t seemed to give me relief lately; I’ve been begging and bargaining with God to take my life in exchange for my son’s complete recovery AND my family to be healed especially for my son’s relationship with his kids to be healed.

(I know, I’m always trying to squeeze in an extra wish, but I figured I could get a 3 for 1 since they are all inter-related)

I also know this sounds very extreme. Before you suggest I go to a meeting and do self- care, thank you for the suggestion. It is what it is, I come to this place with much love and clarity have done a lot of self work. I’m not very well versed spiritually, or even strong in my faith but I believe in asking for help.

So, today I asked a prophetic dreams group that’s run by a lady I met; what prayers I should be chanting to facilitate my desire to fruition.

If this STILL sounds too weirded out, sorry. Desperate times call for desperate measures. My son is in jail on for his longest time ever- 6 weeks. As stated in my previous whining posts, its been a roller coaster ride. And not the new flashy, sexy roller coaster, but the old wooden, creaky, break-down-at-any moment roller coaster (where they would casually say: “You knew the risk” if you were to get hurt).

So putting my question to a group of potentially spiritually-in-tune people was a desperate measure also. The answers I received, however, changed my perspective. This is a summation of what they said:

STOP trying to make deals with GOD! STOP immediately because deals are only made with the devil.
God ONLY wants Love & faith from you that he already sent his son to die for all our sins.

You can’t pay or bargain with God!

If you ask for healing you have to believe you have it, whether you see it yet or not, that’s the true test, do not confess what “is wrong with them” instead speak that they are healed.

Thank God that they are healed by his stripes, that he bore their sickness, thank him OUT LOUD for each promise, it could take a few months or sooner but stick with it everyday, do not let other people confess so called diagnosis over your loved ones in distress, either.

I start now.

I start calling my son into healing. I’m through letting him slide back into an excuse to blame the devil or some other entity. Evil can be fought. And if he can’t see it or say it, I will be his voice. He still has to be the one to do the work and to first DECIDE to do the work. So through the jail message system I sent my first born incarcerated son this message of not only HOPE but of FAITH.

Happy Fathers Day Son. You WILL be an influence on your kids' lives again. They WILL love you again. There will be no confusion or shame because you will teach them about things that take dads & moms away.

These 3 years do NOT take away all you have done before then. Don't believe the shame mongerers. You have just been trying to survive yourself & in that regard you did amazing! You were an excellent provider & u were a loving fun dad. You can be again. 3 yrs is nothing out of a 60-70 year life.

You are loved.

I love you son, and soon, when you see the understanding in your little kids' eyes & feel their forgiveness, it will ALL be worth it.
Enjoy your day the best you can.


To those fathers everywhere who are the wonderful hallmark version, to those who are stuck in their own struggle of survival and pain- and all those in between.

You are seen, heard and loved.

Your potential is not measured by your surroundings in the moment, but by the quiet moments of your heart. Where you ache deeply for your family and kids. Where your shame has pushed you into places and spaces that smothered you into numbness.

Whatever it is that pushed you into isolation, whether it was a society who said you wasn’t worthy of being amongst them; or your own spiral into self- defeat; you can come back.

Anytime, come back.

You’re needed. You’re wanted.

It might not seem like it.
We might be scared and worried at first, but it’s only because we care. We have been conditioned to fear the worst. So have you. That’s why it horrifies you to think of being that person you were before. After all – those were the days you needed to escape from. The stress and pressure of expectations and disappointment were off the charts some days.

What if you fail again?
Oh but my son, what if you don’t?
What if the last half or more of your life is filled with unbelievable joy? What if your kids and grandkids are gathered around you to hear your war stories? Not real war, but your days of the drug war. You won’t glamorize it, like alcohol is. You will tell the cold hard truth. You will tell those precious souls that evil starts small. With a thought. A nudge. A risk. A desire for something more. You will tell them not to be afraid or embarrassed to admit their concerns. If they are in over their head, it’s the right thing to do to seek help.

Come back.
So much love awaits you.
-© Samantha Waters

Sometimes society isolates people who are in pain into good old fashioned shame. We’re interconnected for a reason, we need one another and a perspective outside of our own in order to see the limitations of our own.-James Robertson
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7 Weapons of Self Destruction that Hinder Long-Term Success According to Psychology — The Fearless Entrepreneur

By Sierra Fearless

Adaptation from Pastor Rick Warren’s sermon at Saddleback Church

Upon listening to Pastor Rick Warren’s sermon “Learn How to be Set Free from Self Destruction,” I learned about 7 destructive qualities that hinder long-term success and happiness. The sermon was powerfully informative and universally applicable. Pastor Warren’s sermon was not only beneficial to the Christian community, but to anyone interested in success, self-development, and entrepreneurship. The 7 weapons of self-destruction are not based in opinion or pseudoscience but are in fact supported by modern psychology. Let’s explore the 7 Weapons of Self Destruction.

Weapon #1: Shame

Shame is the feeling of being unworthy, bad or inadequate. This feeling hinders success because it damages one’s self image. The level of success that a person experiences in their life is directly related to the quality of their self image. In short, people with a healthy self image tend to achieve a higher level of success. Shame is not the same as guilt or embarrassment. While guilt involves negative feelings about an act one has committed, and embarrassment deals with a societal reaction, shame on the other hand involves negative feelings about one’s self. At the core, guilt says ‘what I did was wrong,’ embarrassment says ‘everyone laughed at  me”  while shame says ‘I am wrong, unworthy, defective.’

This feeling is a stumbling block to success, because it blinds you to the truth and the power of who you are. Everyone has flaws and everyone makes mistakes, however, those flaws and those mistakes are not the sum total of who you are. When a person carries shame their entire perspective will be filtered through a feeling of inadequacy. How can you reach the highest possible level of success when deep down you feel inadequate, unworthy and incapable?


Acceptance is key. You must acknowledge the feeling and work to address the root cause, which results from negative experiences of the past. That negative experience(s) most likely occurred during your childhood years. Accept that the thing happened to you, but do not give it the power to define you. Realize that you are significantly more valuable than any one experience and act accordingly. 

Weapon #2: Uncontrolled thoughts

Your thoughts create your reality. If you struggle to think thoughts that are beneficial to your long-term success, you will struggle to create the success you want in your life. Every thought you think has an affect on your outside world. That is simply how God created us. This notion is also supported by metaphysics and derives from the Law of Vibration and the Law of Attraction.

The quality of your life directly relates to the quality of your thoughts. According to the National Foundation of Science, the average person thinks between 12,000-60,000 thoughts per day, and 95%  of those thoughts are repetitive. If 95% of your thoughts are repetitive then this means that you think the same thoughts on a daily basis. If you think the same thoughts continually you will experience the same results.

Lao Tzu said it best,

“Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.” 


Awareness is the starting point. Set aside a few minutes daily just to hear yourself. Listen to your self talk. Your self talk reveals the conversations of your soul. If you do not like those conversations, make a conscious decision to change the dialogue. Replace those negative thoughts with positive thoughts that align with your goals.

Weapon #3: Compulsions

This is the urge to do something even if it is not beneficial. This is a hindrance to success because without self control nothing of value can be accomplished. In order to be successful in the long-term you have to say no to temporary pleasures. You have to prioritize your goals even when you do not feel like it. The only real barrier to success that a person has is their ego, procrastination and bad habits. Until you are able to master that part of your personality, the success you truly want will remain a distant reality. You have to take responsibility. You have to develop good habits and ways of thinking that will bring you closer to your goals.


Discipline. In order to successfully counter this destructive trait. You must develop discipline. Discipline is giving yourself a command and following through until that task is accomplished. Discipline is a commitment to doing what is beneficial even when it is not convenient. Discipline is working on your goals when you rather watch your new show. Discipline is the difference between where you are at now and where you want to be,

Weapon #4: Fear

Fear only has two meanings. Forget everything and run or face everything and rise. Fear is one of the most destructive human emotions. Fear debilitates, disarms and warps the human mind. What is particularly destructive about fear is that for the most part it is not based in objective reality. The emotion is based upon subjective possibilities. In other words what is often feared is not a sure fact, but rather a slight possibility. Recent studies prove this to be true. 85% of what most people worry about never happens.

Five hundred years ago, Michel de Montaigne said it best: 

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.” 

Do not waste time fearing the worst possibilities, which is mathematically unlikely, but rather invest that energy in manifesting the life of your dreams.


Faith. Fear and faith cannot coexist at the same time. The perfect remedy to this self-destructive characteristic is to choose faith. You can choose to believe more in what can go right than in what can go wrong. You can choose to fear the worst or you can choose to hope for the best. Every time you find yourself in a fearful situation, take a moment and visualize the best outcomes. For example, let’s say you are afraid of doing a terrible job at a speaking event, instead of ruminating over the fear of failure, visualize your success. See yourself in your mind’s eye speaking well and getting a standing ovation. 

Weapon #5: Hopelessness

Hopelessness prevents you from moving forward. It holds you back, because it prevents you from believing that you can move forward successfully. This feeling state blocks the good from coming into your life, because even if it was to come your level of awareness would stop you from realizing it. Hopelessness cripples one’s perspective about their life and their circumstances. The reality is there is always hope. Things always have the potential to improve, but you have to allow that improvement to take place. Holding on to a state of hopelessness does not allow that improvement to take place. In some cases you may have to actively seek out means of improvement, but nonetheless, the opportunities are always there.


Power. When you know that you have the power to change your situation or your life, then you most likely will. You have to come to the understanding that the initiative rests with you and at any moment you can choose a better future. Take back your power by moving forward anyways. Understand that you can get up from that dark place and you can be successful. 

Weapon #6: Bitterness

Bitterness hurts you more than it ever would anyone else. You do not pay the person back by becoming bitter. You only make your life more difficult. Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. This a major hindrance to success, because you cannot be your best self if you are holding on to this negative emotion. You have to find a way to let it go in order to move on with your life. 

Remedy: Forgiveness. The only way to overcome bitterness is by choosing to forgive. When you forgive you release that negative emotion out of your life. This is important because as vibrational beings we attract through our emotions. Our dominant emotions have a way of reproducing in our outer world.

Weapon #7: Insecurity 

Everyone deals with insecurity in some shape, form or fashion. The objective is to not allow it to control your life. Put your best foot forward and keep moving in the right direction. When insecurity dominates a person’s life, it will be more difficult for that person to obtain a decent level of success. Their whole world becomes filtered through that insecurity and they will continue to hold themselves back in immeasurable ways. Learn to love and accept yourself. Be kind to yourself and make the most out of any given situation. Understand that you are unique, valuable, regardless of your flaws, and worthy of the success you desire.


Confidence. Very few things are more attractive than confidence. Confidence is a strong and magnetic force that attracts ideal people, places and things into one’s life. People can sense when you are confident. On the contrary, people can sense when you are insecure. How? Well we are vibrational beings and we can naturally discern other people’s energy on a conscious or subconscious level. Good things gravitate toward the confident. Learn to be confident in yourself and your abilities even if you have to fake it until you make it. Confidence is one of success’ best kept secrets.

Do not waste time fearing the worst possibilities, which is mathematically unlikely, but rather invest that energy in manifesting the life of your dreams.

Remedy: Faith. Fear and faith cannot coexist at the same time. The perfect remedy to this self-destructive characteristic is to choose faith. You can choose to believe more in what can go right than in what can go wrong. You can choose to fear the worst or you can choose to hope for the best. Every time you find yourself in a fearful situation, take a moment and visualize the best outcomes. For example, let’s say you are afraid of doing a terrible job at a speaking event, instead of ruminating over the fear of failure, visualize your success. See yourself in your mind’s eye speaking well and getting a standing ovation.