Waking Up

In a world where every day is a new beginning….

Yet it feels like an old version of a cable channel.

Where we are told what to be enraged about today.

What to fight about.

Who to blame.

Until a tragedy happens. Then it’s all kumbaya. Until we are told again who to be mad at.

Passion rules the human experience. After all:

If we don't stand for something we'll fall for anything.

We’re told.

My heart hurts. Because the thing I want more than anything remains just beyond my reach.

I’ve grasped and dug into the sand with every tentacle possible like an octopus looking for food.

I want my son back.

I want my family.

I never thought life would become so painful.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly blessed. I have people who love me. I have a husband who takes care of me. I have daughters who keep me afloat. But no one understands the pain.

Rainy days like today pull at my insides. I love the beauty. The freshness, the hope. Then my aching heart pulls me inside its grip. Like a mother duck leading her babies across the rainy road and one gets swept away.

Oh my heart. What to do.

Enjoy the rain. I’m told. Just enjoy the rain.