Don’t Touch The Glass

I stare.

Nothing stares back.

They just swim.

And swim.

I wave. Nothing.

I tap on the glass.


The glare.

The waves.

The piercing lights that feel dark.


I press my red, tear- soaked face against the cold glass.

See me. Please. See ME suffering.

I scream…..My breathe gushes back into my face.

I know, I’ll shame you into noticing.

I’ll yell! I’ll yell to change the flow.



The death of silence.

I sit. The cold floor feels like 100 jabs of icicles.

Or is that my heart? Melting into the floor.

Sliding somewhere. To the glass. Under.

I see red.

Swirling red.. up, up, up.

I feel nothing.

Someones tapping……

I hear it.

I just can’t feel it.

Is that a scream? I can’t hear it, I feel its vibration. Yet…….. Nothing.

Why can’t I care?

I wish I could care.

Instead, I swim, I swim.

I swim. I swim. Going nowhere.

It seems ok. So I swim.


I woke up today shrouded in worry & dread. Wishing for so many “things” that I want to happen to me and those I love.
Things that would surely calm my riddled heart of chaos.
While watching the planes go to and from the airport and seeing my little doggie without a care in the world, I realized that although those planes LOOK like they’re in a straight line, it’s only because they are so close to their destination. They are coming in for the landing or just taking off with high hopes and lots of turbo.

Yet, while in the air, they are tossed to and fro and veering off course many times.

What if they gave up midair, saying “to hell with these clouds, I can’t see where I’m going”.

Just like the plane’s journey mine and my kids’ are also riddled with turbulent clouds at times, spilled drinks, vomiting, fear, confusion, blankets.

I realized that most of the “things” that I want are long-acting things.

Most are actually out of my immediate control. Sure I can do all the prep work & hustle in all directions trying this way and that way to pull people and circumstances my way. Wanting immediate results!! But my work must end there.
At some point I have to give it up and just love the journey without regard to the possible outcomes.

Holding space- giving grace.

I can still align myself with the highest vibration possible.

I can still give unconditional love and support.
But ultimately others have their part to play too. I can’t force someone to hire me. I can’t take away my kid’s problems or pain. I can only fly steady.while appreciating the many experiences and blessings I have NOW!

My day turned out to have a lot of turbulence- locked out of my house, phone dead. Wouldn’t charge. Stuck giving plasma for an hour with no book to read or phone to look at lol (that’s torture). Bombed one interview.
But I also rocked another interview! I was pretty much offered a position that I didn’t even apply for 🤞🙏(we’ll see on Friday)
And I was touched by the kindness angel 😇again, who always seems to rescue me.
Life is sooooo full of blessings if we can look past the turbulence.