Guest post by Foster Chambers
I’ve always looked at my life as a peg board. I have a board full of pegs, with one empty space. These pegs are people, events, experiences (good or bad), places, and any other thing that’s affected me life.
Whenever a traumatic event happened, for that event a peg was pulled, thus leaving an empty space. If I lost someone from a death, a peg was pulled leaving more empty spaces. Am I making sense?
Whenever something positive happened, such as falling in love, a wonderful event, or anything that truly made me happy; that would fill an empty space on my board.
The issue with the happy moment pegs, taking place of the traumatic pegs, was my board was getting empty of pegs from trauma, without any happy moments to fill those spaces with.
So I, in my addiction decided to fill my board myself. Drugs, lifestyle choices, organizations, people, etc.. I was filling my board so fast. It was fun, exciting, and the trauma pegs were being yanked away, and filled with my favorite peg of all…drugs.
Then I noticed my board was filling up with the majority of drug labeled pegs. Trauma pegs were leaving, but so were all the other pegs that I wanted to hold onto. All my pegs were changing, as drugs took over my life.
If you remember I said “with one empty space.” I couldn’t figure out what that one empty space could be? How can I fill it? Doesn’t an empty space mean I’m incomplete?
The moment I asked myself that question, I knew the answer. I bet if you stopped reading right now, you would know it too.
Exactly; my Higher power (whom I choose to be God) is the one empty space. Why is it that it’s empty in the beginning? I decided to let Him in my life to complete my board. He gives me a choice to to serve Him, or not. When I pick my Higherpower to lead me, guide me, and direct my path, my life is complete. Notice I didn’t say my peg board is full. Why? The loss of loved ones, things that I loved that are gone, those holes shouldn’t be filled. I need to feel that loss. Not for the pain, but so I never forget them. Those holes, also bring back memories of happy times with them people. Joyful memories, that fill other empty spaces from life’s hurts.
My extreme traumatic event holes; I personally never want those holes filled either. I want them holes to remain open, in hopes that writing about them, sharing them, and using them to help others wont fill them, but lightly blanketed by the love of the most important hole I chose to fill with the peg that matters most, God.
Am I complete; I don’t know? Am I content with my board the way it is; never? Will I trust my higher power to blanket those certain holes with love, and guidance, until I know what goes in that spot?… ABSOLUTELY.