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The Addicts Plea

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On any addiction site or ad for a rehab or for a medication, you will find the argument of “disease versus choice”. Emotionally, it exhausts me. I write about it many times on this blog.

I heard it again this morning… From a nurse….

“They choose to stay in that situation”

I wonder if- as a nurse – she would say that to a domestic violence victim. It may be a poor comparison but it’s the only love / hate relationship that I can see compared to addiction.

The last few days of intently listening to my son’s fears of prison and his charges- {He has court tomorrow}-for possession of feeding his cravings for a disease that he thought he was immune to; I am sitting here in complete desperation and fear myself. I’m exhausted from trying to explain to people that NO-ONE (*** in their right mind***) WOULD CHOOSE this. And it’s just not that easy to get out of. And…theyre not technically in their right mind! There’s a reason they tell you not to operate heavy machinery or make important decisions after surgery:

Due to the affects of the medication on the brain and rational thinking!

So this is why I can see my son’s limited view. I can see where the years of drugs have damaged his rational thinking. His primal brain is in full throttle of fight or flight. He wants to run away. He can’t see a solution. He doesn’t think it’s fair to get 8 years for self-medicating just to feel ok and then to have it turned into this monster that sucked the life out of everything. He didn’t know he was selling his soul to the devil.

I understand his pain, his dilemma way back when…..Because right now, I WANT to just feel ok. If something was in front of me as a solution to get out of this pain I’m in, I would probably take it! I would! I want it to stop. This is what my son did years ago…..he felt uncomfortable, unsafe in his own skin, always seemingly “doing it wrong” because that’s what the world tells us.

That’s what I continually get told. I’m doing it wrong. I’m supporting him wrong, I need to live my life, let him figure it out, & my favorite: go do something you enjoy. They just don’t understand that no matter what you’re doing, the discomfort & pain is ALWaYS THERE.

In my post Rat Park, Pam Jones Lanhart states:

NO ONE and I mean NO ONE chooses addiction. Not one person who took a drink or a toke off of a bud expected to become addiction. That’s a ridiculous notion and not informed by any data or science. “When I used I was rewarded with a really good feeling. So I used again.” And eventually the neuropathways of the brain are reprogrammed and THEN in spite of all of the negative consequences and the fact that the using is no longer working for them, they can’t stop. That is the definition of addiction. Continued use in spite of negative consequences.”

I know that recovery is a choice Also, but trying to convince a damaged brain that it isn’t damaged is exhausting.

A fellow addict wrote this:

Let me say… Cause this may be the only way some people can understand.
This was not our plan… We didn't plan this daily struggle of depending on something to numb us, just to get through whatever pain we can't stand.
Our plan was to be a natural part of society, not dependent on whatever may be lying around to help us see another day.
It's no excuse… We're a mess, I will confess… But we're also blessed by the best.
If god can forgive us then u can to, because trust me he's better then you.
Your no better sitting on ur throne, with ur nose held high to the sky… We don't judge you cause we already know that he's in charge of that… And we may be addicts, but I know for a fact one day we will change and you'll still be well… well you'll still be That.
N. H.

Please pray for my son, my family, the judge, the court, everyone who can have a hand in relieving the pain of this nightmare, not just for me but for the turmoil and pain my son is feeling inside. The feeling of being trapped and hunted down & punished for a disease that continually reminds him of who’s in charge. No matter what good intentions he has; no matter when the dad- or son, or brother, or entrepreneur, in him, peeks out and wants a “normal” life again; the master is quick to squelch this thoughts into “maybe tomorrow”. This monster took him way beneath his capability to handle or understand the consequences, no matter what ” choice” or reasons he started out with to use.

Thank you🙏

3 thoughts on “The Addicts Plea”

  1. The first line….”they choose to stay in that situation”…. gets my blood boiling! Why would anyone “choose” to be controlled by anything??? Let alone something that is so controlling that they can not live without it without becoming sick?! It’s absurd and obviously the people saying such things do not have a friend or loved one struggling with addiction. Because we well know that if they did their perspective and KNOWLEDGE would change because their heart would now be invested! People that understand have lived it, are living it and have either educated themselves or have lived through it and have compassion! Ignorance may be bliss for those uneducated but for those that are… it is painful and heartbreaking!

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    1. I know….i understand..As hard as it is to remain in control of our wounded emotions with insensitive remarks like this- it IS an opportunity to educate them with compassion & understanding of our experience. When we attack ( like I wanted to) they just dig in their heels and provide more “proof” of why THEY think that. And in their experience ( she actually did have a son in recovery) it does make it easier to say that…its also easier to say that as a way to wash your hands of the problem. When people feel out of control and powerless, blame is the go -to mode.
      Believe me, my heart aches for bereaved mothers when I see some of the memes etc… I grieve daily for the loss of my boy even while he’s still alive so I have a small taste of your grief. I’m so sorry that this is such an epidemic that we still have stigma on it’s cause and on it’s solution. Unfortunately there is not one straightforward cause and not one straightforward solution. 💚💔💚hugs to you as you navigate all these opinions and solutions to a problem that has the ultimate effect on mom’s like YOU, so your opinion matters! And you can use that position to gently guide compassionate solutions 🙏💙🙏

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