Give Me Back My Son

ƛ͙ Ɗ͙ƛ͙Ƴ͙ Ɩ͙Ɲ͙ Ƭ͙Ӈ͙Є͙ LƖ͙Ƒ͙Є͙

Sunday: I’m at work, passing medications- the irony.


10:15 text- hey mom, is there any way you could help me out? I don’t get paid until tomorrow and I borrowed $100 from a friend to cover rent.


10:16 hi son, nice to hear from you. I could buy you some food.


10:18 I need to pay him
back. please, I haven’t asked for anything for a long time

10:19 I could possibly pay some on your rent.


11:20 missed call
11:22 missed call
10:39 I’m at work I can’t talk.
10:39.5 sorry mom

12:30 mom this guy is wanting his money back faster than I can get it.


12:40 Mom I promise I’ll pay you back tomorrow

2:30. Mom I’m working my ass off. Please? I only need $60 now. $40 for him $20 for food.


4 pm. Get home, start dinner, laundry.
6 pm relax in front of tv
8 pm get ready for bed
9 pm lie in bed grateful for no text, wondering if he’s beaten up.


10:30 text: mom I only need $40 now. Forget the food. I don’t need to eat. I’m begging you.

Sigh. Look over make sure my husband is asleep.

Breathe…..

Detach, “they” say.
Don’t enable.
Block him.
Live your life
He has to hit “Rock bottom”

Rock Bottom?
The kid has lost everything. His Business, his livelihood, brand new house, all his equipment, over 20 cars, his family. His 2 precious kids.
He’s practically homeless with only the clothes on his back.
He’s also lost over 100 lbs. 😥
Rock bottom?

God help me
I pick up my phone, I proceed to do exactly the opposite of what my daughter and I had decided in regards to texting.
My son is severe ADD and admitted he only reads the first few words of any message.

Our Motto had become ꜱʜᴏʀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛ

I proceeded to write out a Nar- anon friendly message about how I would love to help but I can’t, how I know he can have a better life & I’m willing to do anything to make that happen EXCEPT for keeping him in that cycle of desperation. I said today’s $40 or $60 will be needed tomorrow and again and again and thath he has the capability to support himself like before and as soon as he’s ready to make a change i will help him all I can….


Then I put his messages on ignore and put my phone away.

VƗØŁΔ!

2am. I SLEPT! That long!. Looked at phone. No messages in the ignore file.
Good..he didn’t even try to beg.


6 am. I SLEPT! Looked at phone. No missed calls. No new message in ignore file.


7 am. Coffee. Check Social media. Do pow wow aroebics warm up.


9 am order more addiction books off Amazon.
Noon. Clean. Laundry. Rake leaves.


2 pm watch Netflix, write article for my new blog about how to deal with an addict child- ya know? Since I had this down… No messages in ignore file.


6 pm dinner. Visit with youngest child, tv, write, read. No messages in ignore file

9 pm bed. Wow this is really working. Just tell them how it is and they mind! Maybe he’ll choose recovery! Tomorrow!


11 pm. No messages in ignore file. Realize it’s been 24 hrs since he’s been on online.


12 pm. Realize that he didn’t even read my long message! He’s been offline now for 25 hours,!
Omg. What if that guy came RIGHT AFTER he sent that last pleading message & threatened him to pay $$ or pay with his life!


ᏢᏒᎪᎽ🙏

Suddenly I get the impression to call the hospital. I’ve never actually done that before. This must be a revelation that he’s there!
I call the hospital and ask if they have anyone in there without ID who’s beaten up or overdosed. Secretary says “We have 2 without ID. Let me transfer you to the Emergency room answering machine”.

2? A fight? He got In a fight with the dealer/ friend/ rent borrower!
I give my description to the answering machine.
I turn my phone volume all the way up. Roll over.


1 pm: Check phone. Nothing.
Roll over.

1:15 :Check phone.


1:30: check phone. Missed Call!!! I check my voicemail. A nice asian lady reports that no one fitting that description is there- goodbye.


My heart sinks. It’s been 26 1/2 hours since he’s been online.
I break down and check the booking reports.
No arrest.


2:30 am.Roll over. Try to sleep. Hear a sound. Get up. it’s my daughter going to work. Back to bed.


3:30 Hear another sound. Omg. What if they dropped his body off here since my address is listed as his and they wanted to show me a lesson.


6 pm awake! I slept! But with actual visions of him in a room in a chair with his hands tied behind his back.


8:30 am send text to son:
I’m so sorry – I didn’t know your life was in danger.

Please please GoD 🙏😭🙏😭🙏😭 save my son!
Followed by 5 texts begging him to be ok.

9:30 am Him: ” Omg I don’t have a phone off of wifi and that message u sent did it. Try starting from nothing with no help. I should have known better than to ask anyone for help as far as everything else. I’m not going to be reachable anymore because they have now waved my right to a trial so with an attorney I would have no fellonyz now I’m a 6 time convicted felon on the run with a mandatory 5 years- I’m screwed”


Me : Thank God you’re alive.

Him. Omg that’s absolutely crazy why would I not be alive? Stop watching so many movies”

9:38 am: I collapse on the couch feeling the fullness of my tears well up behind my eyeballs in a raging flurry of sadness mixed with relief that today isn’t MY DAY for THE phone call. I hear a deep exhausting gutterall cry coming from a body that thought it knew how to handle this stress by now. The realization that I just spent another night in worry and fear ( for nothing! Which I’m,? Glad buttt….and it sounds like there’s more ahead.

Knowing that today will now be a wash with my emotions completing thrashed, the tears spill out over my flustered angry relieved face. I cover myself with my weighted blanket, feeling not only the tiny beads of lead on me, but the entire weight of the world.

I realize I have to go to work for 8 hrs tonight. I immediately send out a text to 18 people to see if they’ll cover me so I can drown in my own misery of torture.


One by one the refusals came pouring in. They need to car pool kids, their husbands are working. I want to scream: “GO AHEAD live your normal lives! My son was just dead, for 30 hours, tortured in a room or laying in a hospital bed as a John Doe, in jail on one of his warrants. But it’s ok. I’ll go to work and pretend that I have a normal life with normal problems and a son who’s happy and healthy taking care of his obligations making me proud again.


Damn
heroin,


Damn
addiction.


Damn
Purdue…


Damn whoever else I can blame.


Yes my son too
Damn you.
Come back.
Bring my real son back
😭💔😭

Yup
A Day in the Life of a Mom of an Addict.


How was your day?







Published by Samantha Waters

A unique perspective on the world from a small town girl turned big city nurse. Now a grandmother to 4 gregarious, resplendent boys and 3 endearing, magical girls, she strives the make the world a more understanding, pleasant place to experience this intense thing called life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Beyond Mud Pies

Reflections on the joy, tragedies and challenges of life

Live, parent, teach, repeat

The ramblings of a middle aged wife of one, mother of three, teacher of French and owner of a crazy Springer Spaniel.

A Multitude of Musings

On the Way to Wholeness

Out of My Write Mind

The blog of Sandy J. White

Fiction Favorites

with John W. Howell

Be Inspired..!!

Listen to your inner self..it has all the answers..

Change your thoughts change your life

Welcome to Thoughtsnlifeblog

Popsicle Society

My journey of food, travel and inspiration

Pointless Overthinking

Understanding ourselves and the world we live in.

susiesopinions

Life at age 73, feeling like a 20 year old. You can do it too.

KM Huber's Blog

Zen with a Bite

Renard's World

My Personal Space On The Web To Post Anything That Tickles My Fancy

The Cup of Diary

Journaling with a cup of tea

Mandy Nachampassack-Maloney

author, blogger, 1000 other things

Before You Watch This

Video recommendations

%d bloggers like this: