Happy New Year 2022

We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun. ☀️But now winter is here & it’s that Cold time of year🥶🥶🥶 Goodbye 2️⃣❄0️⃣❄2️⃣❄1

⏳It’s been real⏳

You did teach me some valuable things.

That I can celebrate survival & still appreciate the challenge of living.

That I am capable of deeper love & forgiveness than I ever thought.

That people’s opinions of me doesn’t have to sway my belief of my true worth.

That planting continual non- wavering seeds of truth & acceptance can sometimes turn into trees of pure gold🎋💰🌳🌟

That no matter what you witness in others- disappointment, rudeness, being shunned; it is only a cover-up of the beauty that’s possible..👁️👁️
In them 💢& 💢 in You

YOU ,2021, taught me that I can never love my kids unconditionally ENUF
And that I can get through hard things.

And most of all that fear, as an emotion, can come and go without sticking.😷just like the snow.

Hello 2022! 🎉🤹🌠

You make me want to try harder, love deeper, 🎶🎵sing louder🎵🎶 write more, 🍽️cook better &🏜️ travel 🏖️ so much travel .🗺️even if it’s only in my own mind🤯

New Year: Let’s be friends
Let’s have new adventures 🥁& breakthroughs often💡….let’s join the L♥️V revolution & be smarter, nicer, richer,💰 kinder, & more tolerant 💜

Lets believe people when they show you how deep their pain is….& let’s show THEM how deeply love heals


Most of all 2021
Lets be friends & make this OUR year of





What the new year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the new year.” —Vern McLellan


I came to understand early on that time and money are interchangeable. When my kids were little, I could spend the time and a few dollars mixing up my kids’ birthday cakes or I could buy a cake for triple the amount. Same with eating out.

I found this article on Quora the other day and thought it was relevant. The new year brings resolutions both physically, emotionally and financial.

The question was asked:

Do you think money is everything?

Let me tell you one story before I answer this question.

A few years back when Bill Gates was the richest man in the world, someone asked him one question during an interview.

“Is there anyone richer than you in the world”

To which, Bill Gates replied, “Yes, there is a person who is richer than me”

He continued…

It was during the time when he wasn’t rich and famous. He was at New York Airport when he saw a newspaper vendor. He wanted to buy a newspaper so he picked one but when he checked his pocket for change to pay the vendor, he realized that he is out of change.

So he left the idea of buying and returned the newspaper to the vendor and told, “He is not having the change to pay him”

The vendor told him that he will give it for free. Bill gates took the newspaper.

Coincidently he was in New York again after 2–3 months. Again he was short of change for the newspaper.

The vendor offered him again. Mr. gates refused that he can not take that as he doesn’t have to change today also.

The vendor said, “You can take it, he is sharing it from his profit and he won’t be at loss”

Bill gates took the newspaper.

After 19 years, Bill gates became wealthy and famous to the world.

Suddenly he remembered that vendor. He began searching and found him after 1 month of search.

he went to the vendor who had gotten old.

Bill Gates asked him, “Do you know me?”

The vendor replied, “Yes, you are Mr. Bill Gates”

He asked him, “Do you remember once you gave me newspaper for free”

The vendor said, “Yes, I remember. I gave you twice”

Bill gates said, “I want to repay you for the help you had offered me that time. Whatever you want in your life, tell me, I shall fulfill that”

The vendor said, “Sir, don’t you think that by doing so you won’t be able to match my help”

Mr. Gates asked, “why?”

The vendor said gracefully, “I had helped you when I was a poor newspaper vendor and you are trying to help me now when you became the richest man in the world. How can your help match mine?”

Bill gates said, “That day I realized that the newspaper vendor is richer than I am because he didn’t wait to rich to help someone”

Coming back to the original question, Do I think money is everything?

Answer: No Money is not everything. Things you do to help others in spite of not having a lot of money are more important. Although money is surely essential to living a good life.

People need to understand that the true riches are those who possess a good, kind heart rather than a ton of money.

“ Having a lot of money without having a good and kind heart can’t get you anywhere.”


Aditya Mishra

Holding Space

I don’t think I had even heard these words until a few years ago. Even then it took me a while to figure out what it meant. Is it like holding someone’s place in a long line to achieve a certain goal at the end (or is it the beginning?) of the line? Is it telling them “I want you to achieve the same reward as me, I want you here by my side?”

Or is just learning to shut out your inner desire to respond even when what they are saying or doing goes against everything you believe?

Is it standing in that gap where on one side evil is slinging its fiery darts in the darkness hoping to hit its vulnerable targets, and on the other side is the pure love of God who sees your loved one as a struggling soul capable of so much more?

We stand in this chasm, this gap of space; with tears running down our face, lost in our own tug of war. Being told to get out of the way of God’s work or on the other hand- to stop helping, stop doing, stop trying so hard. To us that means to stop caring, stop responding. Let them sink further until surely they come up begging and willing to do anything.

Except most times they don’t. You see, to have the characteristics and prime breeding ground for an addict to develop; you have to have the strength of steel.

To form steel, it gets reheated for whatever purpose it’s intended for then just before the final product, it is run under cold water so it can be polished and shiny for its debut.

The person who’s headed toward addiction is not a weak person. They have an iron grit so strong & beaming that it can’t help be noticed by the enemy due to the ability to stand out. They have talents and an incredible mind. They have a certain desire and need to be different. They might be seen as rebels or just compassionately committed to being “all in” on any project.

So, you see, society’s idea that addiction is a moral failure or a sign of weakness couldn’t be further from the truth.

So here we are. Standing in that space. Fighting not only the demons who now hold such power over our loved one; but fighting all of society that this effort is worth it. It’s worth more than the attention given to other projects, most seemingly far away. In that gap of darkened light, we want to scream. We do sometimes. We just want to be heard, seen. We want desperately for someone, everyone, to hold that space for us!

For us. So we can give up one of the fights that tear our soul. The fight to defend our position.

That same space that our addicts loved ones ask for.

The space of non-judgment. The space of not arguing for their choices. The space of just being there. In all of the addictions’ grimey mess. In its sadness. Its pain.

What would it take to get to that space?



Silent confirmation of their worth.

Willingness to give up control.

Willingness to not be vested in the outcome.

Willingness to love,



From Alta Mira treatment center which I have no affiliation or guarantee of services.

The relapse rates for addiction are very similar to those of other chronic illnesses. For example, relapse rates for diabetes, high blood pressure, and asthma are 30 to 50 percent, 50 to 70 percent, and 50 to 70 percent, respectively. Relapse rates for drug addiction are 40 to 60 percent. Even when treated, chronic illnesses of all types cause relapses. The idea that addiction is a chronic illness has been proven time and again, and it was in 2016 that the U.S. Surgeon General announced it as fact. He called for drug addiction to be treated as a chronic illness.

Making positive changes, such as eating better, getting regular exercise, and socializing with sober friends can make a big difference in preventing relapses.

Chronic relapse is frustrating, painful, and can be dangerous. It occurs when someone is treated for drug or alcohol addiction but uses again after being sober for a period of time. Because addiction is considered a chronic illness, relapse is common. However, it can be treated and prevented with long-term, individualized treatment that combines therapy, support groups, support from family, and treatment for other conditions. Managing chronic relapse also requires lifestyle changes and avoiding triggers.

Relapse for people in recovery from addiction is very common. About half of all people treated for addiction will relapse, often more than once. Relapses can be useful, in that they help a person realize that sticking with ongoing treatment is important or help identify triggers to be avoided. But chronic relapse disease is very serious and can have a devastating impact on a person’s life. It can last for years or even decades, causing a cycle of chronic relapse, addiction, treatment, recovery, and back to the beginning again.

The best way to prevent, treat, and manage chronic relapse is to start with a solid foundation of consistent and individualized long-term treatment for addiction. The first 90 days of recovery are when most people relapse, so staying in a residential treatment center for that period is a good way to manage and prevent relapse. Ongoing care and lifestyle changes, including avoiding triggers, is important after a residential stay to remain in recovery and avoid relapse.

Addiction Is a Chronic Illness
Having a relapse is frustrating, and it can be dangerous too. Relapsing multiple times is even more frustrating, but it is important to understand that relapse is not a moral failure on the part of the person struggling with addiction. Through research, experts now largely agree that addiction is a chronic illness. Relapses can be managed and prevented, but they are also very common and expected.

The Cycle of Chronic Relapse
Addiction causes changes in the brain that ultimately make it very difficult to stop using drugs and alcohol and that cause relapses after treatment. Addiction begins when the drug used causes the brain to be flooded with chemicals that make the user feel good. This is like a reward that may lead the person to use again in order to get that pleasure sensation. Over time, this overstimulation in the brain leads to serious changes in the brain that impact the ability to feel pleasure, impulse control, memory, and other functions.

A relapse is typically caused by a trigger—some cue in the environment—that acts in the brain of a recovering addict to begin cravings. The brain learned at some point in time that these triggers were like rewards. A trigger could be a person that the user got high with often, a place where they used drugs, or a favorite bar. The triggers remind the brain that these things in the past led to that pleasure sensation. Changes in the brain caused by drugs or alcohol have essentially rewired it to associate these triggers with substance use. Triggers cause a cycle of chronic relapse that can be difficult to combat.

Chronic Relapse Treatment
A relapse may be treated in different ways depending on the needs of the individual. For some people, a relapse may be minor and short-lived and may come after long-term, intensive residential treatment. This type of addiction patient may only need to go to extra support group meetings or additional sessions with a counselor to overcome the relapse and get back on track.

For other people in recovery, a relapse may be more severe, causing more damage and requiring greater intervention to overcome. In some cases, a patient may benefit from going back to the beginning of treatment, getting readmitted to a treatment facility, and going through detox and treatment a second or third time. As with a first time in treatment, this relapse treatment will likely involve one-on-one therapy, group support, and alternative therapies. It will also include taking lessons from the relapse, working with therapists to understand what happened, and learning what the patient can do differently in the future to avoid a similar situation.

Chronic Relapse Prevention
The best prevention for relapse is to get good, long-term treatment for addiction and any underlying or co-occurring disorders that contribute to the addiction. Simply stopping use of a drug and detoxing is not adequate and will lead to relapse in nearly 100 percent of cases. Reducing and preventing relapse must begin with thorough and consistent treatment that is proven effective.

Research into addiction treatment has found that there are several factors needed for it to be effective, and effective is defined as having minimal relapses. These include making treatment plans individualized, addressing multiple needs of a patient, like underlying mental illnesses, and staying in treatment for at least three months, or 90 days.

This last factor is proven to be crucial for avoiding relapses. Staying in treatment for a minimum of three months has been proven to give patients the best outcomes, including avoiding relapses. Many patients end up leaving treatment early, but sticking with the program gives them the best possible chances at recovery.

A very important part of treatment that helps to prevent relapse is learning about triggers and how to avoid or manage them. Therapy sessions help patients identify their triggers, learn strategies for avoiding them, and also learn mechanisms for coping with triggers that cannot always be avoided. For instance, stress may be a trigger but can’t be eliminated, so treatment can include learning strategies for healthy stress management to reduce the urge to relapse. This kind of relapse prevention therapy is an important part of cognitive behavioral therapy that is often used to treat addiction.

Medications to Prevent Relapse
Depending on the substance of abuse, there may be medications that can help prevent relapse. For instance, there are drugs that can reduce cravings for opioids and even block the effects of opioids like heroin. Alcohol cravings can also be managed with certain drugs. While older philosophies of treatment avoided using any kind of drugs for treating addiction, experts today know from research that medications can actually help. With fewer cravings or with the effects of a drug blocked, relapsing becomes less likely.

Self-Care and Ongoing Treatment to Prevent Relapse
A chronic relapse disorder or cycle can be tough to break and using all tools at one’s disposal is important. This means adding ongoing treatment, lifestyle changes, and self-care. If a patient goes back to his or her lifestyle as it was before treatment, there may be many triggers that lead to relapse.

In addition to making these changes and making self-care a priority, most patients in recovery can also benefit from ongoing treatment to avoid relapse. This may include regular attendance at support group meetings, but it also may mean keeping up with regular therapy sessions. Maintaining that link with a therapist can be an important way to manage stress, learn and continue practicing healthy coping mechanisms, and make the kinds of behavioral changes that are important for staying sober.

Relapse is Not Failure
When it comes to chronic relapse, alcoholism and drug addiction need to be treated as chronic illnesses. It is easy to view relapse as a failure, but it is not. It is simply a recurrence of a very serious illness. This does not mean that individuals should not work hard to avoid relapses, but viewing them as failures is damaging and counterproductive. Ongoing treatment, trigger avoidance, positive lifestyle changes, and support from loved ones all help, but the most important piece of the puzzle is long-term and comprehensive residential treatment that gives an individual a solid foundation for recovery.





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Adding Value to Our Lives

The value that people around us can add to our lives is immeasurable. Sometimes it’s hard to see this value when we are undergoing turmoil and strife. Those times are especially important to be able to ask for help.

Being humble enough to reach out to them first is paramount.

When you find yourself lost, confused, unmotivated, or heading down the path of mundaneness; it sometimes takes someone else to help us see our true worth through how others view us.
Today I’m thankful for a friend at work who in one or
2 sentences brought me back to my true value & capability.

Then I get home and my wiser than her years youngest daughter -who always reaffirms me & makes me feel so good- did it again. 💕

Days like this, I want to give credit where credit is due. To people who normally might cause us to take them for granted. Life gets so busy that it’s easy to do if we aren’t practicing mindfulness.

I found these great grounding and mindfulness exercises at trieunails.

• Mindfulness. Take a moment to relax….

• Follow your Passion. Make sure you’re doing what you love. …

Self-Care. Treat yourself well, feel beautiful, be powerful….

• Be Self-Aware. …

Simplify your Life….

• Have Daily Goals. …

• Live a Healthy Lifestyle. …

• Be Open to Change.

You can read the entire article here.

This holiday season and always, hold your people close. Even those who seem undeserving of our love are the ones who need it the most. But don’t forget the diehard loyalists too.


Being grateful, being positive, being healthy, does not mean we never feel angry. Being grateful, positive, and healthy means we feel angry when we need to. Today, I will let myself be angry, if I need to. I can feel and release my emotions, including anger, constructively. I will be grateful for my anger and the things it is trying to show me. I can feel and accept all my emotions without shame, and I can take responsibility for my actions.

Asking For Help

Thought for the Day

Hazelden Betty Ford’s Thought for the Day offers daily meditations for people in recovery or affected by addiction to alcohol or other drugs. Browse daily passages from our most popular meditation books to find your inspiration today.


Asking for Help

It’s okay to ask for help.

One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource.

We don’t have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help from our Higher Power and for support and encouragement from our friends.

Whether what we need is information, encouragement, a hand, a word, a hug, someone who will listen, or a ride, we can ask. We can ask people for what we need from them. We can ask God for what we need from God.

It is self-defeating to not ask for the help we need. It keeps us stuck. If we ask long and hard enough, if we direct our request to the right source, we’ll get the help we need.

There is a difference between asking someone to rescue us and asking someone in a direct manner for the help we need from him or her. We can be straightforward and let others choose whether to help us or not. If the answer is no, we can deal with that.

It is self-defeating to hint, whine, manipulate, or coerce help out of people. It is annoying to go to people as a victim and expect them to rescue us. It is healthy to ask for help when help is what we need.

“My problem is shame,” said one woman. “I wanted to ask for help in dealing with it, but I was to ashamed. Isn’t that crazy?”

We who are eager to help others can learn to allow ourselves to receive help. We can learn to make clean contracts about asking for and receiving the help we want and need.

Today, I will ask for help if I need it – from people and my Higher Power. I will not be a victim, helplessly waiting to be rescued. I will make my request for help specific, to the point, and I will leave room for the person to choose whether or not to help me. I will not be a martyr any longer by refusing to get the help I deserve in life – the help that makes life simpler. God, help me let go of my need to do everything alone. Help me use the vast Universe of resources available to me.

True North

People who are incapable of self-reflection are helping you find your new true North. What often feels like a refusal to listen, an inability to accept responsibility, the casting of blame, judgment, or personal attacks on your character, or even moments of personal rejection is the Universe re-directing you into the trajectory of your next exciting chapter. What often feels like a refusal to listen, an inability to accept responsibility, the casting of blame, judgment, or personal attacks on your character, or even moments of personal rejection is the Universe re-directing you into the trajectory of your next exciting chapter. Those who are meant to know and love you on the deepest level do not require you to prove a point or wrestle for control during any interaction. Therefore, the people you have the biggest conflicts with are those who souls are saying: “please do not distract me with your brightness and brilliance, I’ve got more than enough to handle — just being me.”

Even when it comes to people you have to be in shared space with, the key is tending to the matters at hand and ensuring proper boundaries are created anytime mean-spirited behavior is conveyed. This is the fierce grace of compassion in action. I’ve got more than enough to handle — just being me.” Even when it comes to people you have to be in shared space with, the key is tending to the matters at hand and ensuring proper boundaries are created anytime mean-spirited behavior is conveyed. This is the fierce grace of compassion in action.

Weeds and Wishes

Today was one of those days when I realized again how one day in your life can change everything you know just by your perception. What you previously complained about now seemed like some big misunderstanding. Or how you would love to go back and only have that thing or situation to complain about.

Take Beauty and the Beast. When she was living in her village she thought it to be a “provincial” life. Oh how she yearned for more. But when she was trapped in the dungeon her old life seemed like heaven and she would give anything to be back.

Soon she chose to see the beauty in the place and find the magic. She made it seem so wonderful that she almost hated to leave.

Beauty and the Beast (Original) by Beauty and the Beast (Ron Embleton)
(Ref: EmbletonRBABLL
How to make every day so wonderful that we hate for it to end? 

Even though we are tired, or sick, or can’t seem to get anything done, or we are sick with worry over a child or a grandchild; it might be helpful to remember that this is just a blip in our life. It’s a moment we can never regain.

This weekend we watched old family movies. I used to just sit the camera in the room and record our everyday life. As we watched our lives in the seemingly mundane moments of yesteryear, we realized that any one of us would give anything to go back there just for a day. Knowing what we know now- we would make that day heaven. We would hug and look deep into the eyes of our then 9-year-old and tell her everything going to be ok. Smile at their childlike innocence. We would look at our aged parents and say: “You know how much I appreciate all you’ve done for me, for raising me and sacrificing for me”

I would tell my teenage kids to enjoy that day because in exactly 12 years you are going to be looking at the tape of this day and say “Wow. I didn’t have one bill to pay, I didn’t know real sickness or real pain or sorrow. My heart hadn’t been broken into pieces, I haven’t had to watch my child suffer through surgery or through an illness or through the pain of loneliness or the unkindness of the world.–and yet I still was sassy, or was onery, or miserable because THAT day didn’t go right… or someone said something wrong to ” me…”

THAT DAY can never be given back…Just like today can never be recouped. The whole theory of being present is sometimes such a struggle. We are always looking for the next thing. Always searching- for a better way. Searching for more personal development, searching for positiveness and kindness, When I don’t get it I pout. Then I look for more. On and on it goes in the endless cycle of the rat race, while each day of opportunity disappears. Finally, we realize all our chances are fast being used up. The chance to help someone have a better day. The chance to help my patient feel better about being holed up in a 12 x 14 room for weeks on end. The chance to make a difference.

If I offend someone today. I might feel a lot of guilt about it, yet at the same time, I spend precious time JUSTIFYING my actions!! We can convince ourselves of ANYTHING if given enough time, but we can never get that time back.
I just want time to slow down. I want to feel every second. I want to live every second. To not always be looking ahead – to lunch-to the weekend.

I want to live while I can. Life is just too short for weeds. And just long enough for wishes.