Who’s To Blame?

Repost from February 2021

Ahh who’s to blame for the opioid epidemic? Notwithstanding personal responsibility, of course, but It’s easy to blame the Sacklers and the physicians for pushing it all those years ago. All for-profit as they seem to have zero remorse. But some people, prefer to blame “the enabler” for another’s addiction.

According to some current trends, us mom’s fit that label.

This tears my heart out because most of (or some of) my addiction uneducated (& unhealed) family, pretty much blame me for our addicted loved one for not choosing recovery. It’s a ridiculous unnecessary concept that I would be responsible for my son’s behavior.

It’s as if a very thick line has to be drawn for team X and team Y.
These people are all as deeply traumatized as I am about my son’s fall into addiction.
He was the family hero, leader & (I assume) they all just think it’s a matter of willpower on his part and his willpower would be higher if I didn’t do x & z ?

In reality, I hardly do anything for him, but they haven’t taken the time to actually talk to me about it. He’s the never mentioned elephant in the room who’s hasn’t been in the room for going on 2 years……
They have all shunned him & refuse to even talk to him- mostly because, yes, once every few months he does ask for money, or he will ask my sons for a business tool, etc… Which is denied.
So, as you can see, there’s a lot of burned
Bridges, hurt feelings, betrayal, abandonment… Everything that goes along with addiction.
And somehow, Moms are supposed to fix all that?

"If mom would just quit helping him", he would shape up.

Bottom line. My son is very very ill. He’s so incredibly stubborn and very ADD- which makes it all the worse. He’s still very ill.
He is also still my hero because even as an addict he has treated me better than most of my family.
This is why I’m so sensitive to all the enabling posts seen on support groups. My son is still a human, a struggling one. He has lost over 100 lbs. He still has nothing to his name. No car, no tools, yet still will go and pour a little driveway with great pride. (He used to run 3 businesses)
I love Resurrektion of Me on IG because her posts on people deserving of basic needs despite them doing things we don’t agree with-hits home to me right now.

If tough love worked, my son should be better by now. If caring and emotionally supporting him is a reason to stay in addiction then I guess I am the cause.

Bless us all🥰

Published by

Samantha Waters

A unique perspective on the world from a small town girl turned big city nurse. Now a grandmother to 6 gregarious, resplendent boys and 5 endearing, magical girls, she strives the make the world a more understanding, pleasant place to experience this intense thing called life.

2 thoughts on “Who’s To Blame?”

  1. In our 10 year journey we’ve had all kinds of love. Tough love, detached love, shower him with love, no contact..I could go on and on..
    Not one thing we have ever done has made any real change. So I do what works for me on the days I need to decide.
    I don’t care what anyone says or thinks.
    I tell my family; don’t just show up in a new dress for his funeral..
    Today my son is in a psych hospital for the 3rd time in a month. He will be homeless if he doesn’t go to treatment.
    He can’t live with us because his addiction brings a dangerous psychosis .
    There just aren’t any answers so we turn on each other and judge when we should just help each other through this.
    As a mom it just sucks.
    I look forward to the honesty in your writing, thank you 🙏

    1. You nailed it exactly. I mean, there are a lot of new studies showing that healthy family involvement is proving better outcomes..craft, smart recovery, and thrive( family Rx) are some of them. But the addict is ultimately the one responsible for his recovery…
      My heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine having the mental illness factor….🤗❤🤗❤🤗❤

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