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Pre-Deciding

Matt Kahn, spiritual guru says this:

Everything you will ever receive will unravel, anything you gain will be lost.

Except for 2 things :

  • The love you cultivate in your heart. (NOT dependant on love you receive)
  • The high road that YOU insist on walking” (independent of how you are treated)

Wow, just wow!

In a society that is all about fulfilling your needs and being entitled to FAIRNESS & demanding respect, this is so liberating to me.
To understand that everything which is thrown in your path is manifested (?) there to help you achieve the highest form of you as possible! Not like God throwing things down on you as a big version of Hunger Games; but more as a pre- planned challenge to help you achieve certain things for your higher good.

So this whole fantasy notion of treating people how they treat you- is like a 5 year old would say : “he started it”.

How does that help us grow and be free to have pure joy??? It doesn’t. It just continues the cycle of dysfunction.

If we want to have experiences that help us choose the high road in order to ultimately become free of the disillusionment & disappointment that almost always comes with this life,
then we need to accept that the challenges and the annoying people in our life are just characters who are helping us achieve this!!!

Young woman or old lady? It all depends on how we look at it. Are things here to help us or hurt us?

Characters. Playing a specific role. So yes, sort of like Hunger Games.

It’s fascinating & freeing to me.

To not have-to- have this dependence on having only happy ideal experiences (which is never assured) & putting the pressure on others to make ME happy…..

To actually DECIDE HOW I’m going to treat people BEFORE they do ANYTHING back? -no matter how they treat me- is such a new concept.

I was unconsciously (& consciously) taught the opposite- bitterness, anger, silence, writing people off for good if they wronged you.

It takes the whole cycle of dysfunction away and just let’s you sincerely thank people and love them for whatever they are going thru at the time, regardless of how it affects you.

A lifetime of misunderstandings and hurt feelings and unsaid things, things that you think of people that they probably didn’t even have a clue about! But you’re going to punish them anyway! It’s crazy-making how we have lived.

I realize this is easier said than done. To ‘neuter’ our emotions in a way that makes us compassionate and caring but not overreacting; takes practice. Byron Katie states that even with good intentions, we resort back to thinking negatively.

Her theory is to question if they are really true and then let. them take care of themselves & hopefully glide away without needing our intense reactions. Like a rattlesnake in the desert.

So, my goal is to combine these two theories into:

Questioning a belief about an experience I may be having; accepting that maybe it’s here to help me, and realizing that I have the power to control MY experience with it.

Home Base

Can You Change Your Stars?

I’ve been putting off writing today because it’s my birthday and it’s been an emotional one. My son was released from jail on a Saturday afternoon without a plan to help him succeed. This is after 6 weeks of detox & planning for a rehab. This sent him right back into the same environment he’s been in with 2 years of substance use and arrests.

My brain is in the practical mode of the risk of overdose after 45 days of non- use. Will these tears ever stop? My heart hurts with the unknowing of the future and the reality of the past & present.

I just keep wondering if people really change. Is it in the stars for my son to have a spiritual awakening?

I came across this Instagram of Ryan Michler. Maybe there’s hope.

In the movie A Knight’s Tale, a young William Thatcher (played by Heath Ledger), asks his father, “Can a man change his stars?”

Believe it or not, it’s one of my favorite lines from any movie. And, one of my favorite scenes is when the now man, William Thatcher, returns to his father, who sacrificed so much for his son, to tell him that he has, in fact, changed his stars.

It’s a concept I’ve wrestled with for years. Especially as I began to have children of my own. For a long time I believed I was destined to walk in my father’s footsteps. In fact, I was very much down the path of doing so.

See, I don’t have any pictures like this of me and my dad. I have very few stories to share and very limited memories of our experiences together.

I wish that I had more. I’m sure he wishes that as well. Maybe in another life we’ll be able to make new memories and share adventures together.

Regardless, I made a decision years ago to ensure my children never understand that feeling.

And in a way, for the last 13 years, I’ve been working tirelessly to not only change my stars but theirs as well.

I am not destined to follow in his footsteps. I am my own man. And while I look to my father who taught me some lessons, I am a sovereign man capable of choosing a new course of action.

And so I have. I have changed my stars – because I made a conscious decision to do so.

This picture represents so much more than a successful hunt. It reminds me that the decisions we make have consequences, both positive and negative.

And, as I look at it over the years (and when my sons look at it when I’m dead and gone), I hope it will remind us all of “that one summer afternoon in Hawaii where we got to spend time together as father and sons.”

And, we’ll laugh, smile, and tell stories of memories that, had I resigned to follow the status quo, never would have been made.

There is no fate, gentlemen. No path we’re obligated to follow. There are only our choices and their inevitable results.

Tonight, while watching “I Shouldn’t Be Alive”, one of my favorite memories of watching it with my son; I realized every single episode is when the person or persons are at their absolute last moment. Then someone swoops in and saves their life. I guess that’s what hope and faith are for.

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All Is Well

They asked a shaman:

“What is poison?
“Anything but what we need is poison.”
It can be power, laziness, food, ego, ambition, vanity, fear, anger, or whatever.

“What is fear?”
No acceptance of uncertainty.
If we accept uncertainty, it becomes adventure.

What is envy?

Not accepting the good in the other.

If we accept the good, it becomes inspiration.

What is anger?

Not acceptance of what is beyond our control.If we accept, it becomes tolerance.

What is hate?

Not accepting people as they are.

If we accept unconditionally, it becomes love. “

Home Base

Arachnophobia

Life lessons from the pool

This is the conversation I just heard at the pool:

“Honey come get this dead spider out of the water, HURRY! OMG!!!! It’s alive!!! How can that be? Get it! Wait how is that even a thing?? How can it be ALIVE in the water? OMG it’s MORE than NOT dead! it’s booking it! Hurry! How Is that possible??”

To which the guy said:

Chill, Quit screeching.. You’re gonna be ok….”

You're gonna be ok. 

I tell myself this all the time. Do I believe it?

Spiders are a bit scary, I admit, but when facing more insurmountable problems in life, they are fiddlesticks. What used to scare me, I look at with a mild curiosity at the power it once held on me.

Remember that being afraid of something is not the same thing as having a specific phobia. In order to receive a diagnosis for a specific phobia, certain criteria must be met, including disruption to acts of daily living and a decrease in your quality of life due to the intensity of the fear.

Verywellmind.com

“A decrease in quality of life, due to the intensity of fear..”

Interesting.

These days, my challenge is getting through the day without overwhelming fear taking over. Loving an addict is like seeing a spider 🕷️ every second of every day but you can’t swat at it. It’s as if you’re stuck in it’s tangled web trying to save yourself while it’s just doing it’s own thing to survive.

I think it’s important to not “breathe that fear onto them- like the lady at the pool breathed her fear onto everyone there.

There are many treatments for arachnophobia and other fears, including “Exposure Therapy”.

Basically flooding the brain- usually slowly- with thoughts of the thing you fear the most. We mommas already do our own exposure therapy. We live and breathe the possible outcomes every day. This is called ‘over thinking’ or ‘catastrophic thinking’

Here’s some tips to help with that, not necessarily geared toward substance use.

Another way is to learn to trust a higher power. Trust in something or someone that doesn’t have all the emotions attached to it, like we do.

As Libby Cataldi, one of my fellow mommas-in-hope, stated:

“It’s difficult for our suffering loved ones to carry our anxieties, as well as their own. When they are in the throes of their addiction, they are struggling with obsession, shame, and the chase of the drug. When they are in early recovery, they face countless fears daily – how to get a job, how to pay rent, and how to go the next day without drugs. Today, I’ll try to bolster my serenity and breathe hope into my loved one”.

Libby Cataldi
Breathe hope, not fear.

I’ve found that when I talk to my son in fear mode, it just creates defensiveness on his part. He’s a debater at heart, so imagine with such a monster of substance use added on, he wins the argument every time, EVEN if he’s wrong.

Proverbs 31 Ministries

We’ve all heard the saying, “Do you want to be right or be happy?”. With our addicted loved ones, it’s so easy to tell them what to do with their life so that WE can feel better. But that kind of compliance ( if we even get compliance) doesn’t last. Connections last…..

Keep the connection, lose the fear.
Home Base

I Am My Mama

I don’t smoke.

I didn’t grow up with 14 siblings.

I didn’t work at a turkey plant cleaning up turkey guts.

I haven’t lost a child to suicide.

Even so, early this morning @ 6 am, I find myself leaning under my Elder bush transplanting a flower and the thought hit me:

I am my mother!

She had a beautiful yard. She would go out early in the coolness of the morning, sometimes before the sun was fully up, and weed. She despised weeds and my dad despised ants. Between the two, they kept their 1/13 of an acre virtually weed free and ant free!

Growing up and then starting my family, I had lots of thoughts of NOT raising my kids the way my parents did.

  • Poor communication
  • NO communication
  • Silent treatment
  • Poor
  • Old, old house
  • No vacation memories
  • Constant struggling with survival
  • No real goals except to get through the day
  • Family fell apart & she didn’t see most of her kids the last 10 years of her life
  • Always pushing up her glasses & trying to see
  • Always trying to cover her gray hair

I started out with great intentions. I made it my daily goal to master the secret of self-improvement. I was going to figure out all the answers then I could relax and enjoy a life of ease and have a happy family.

But here I am, three days away from turning 54. Fifty Four! My mama has been gone 13 years.

The similarities are easy to spot.

  • I’m weeding in the early morning
  • I struggle with relationships
  • Some silent treatment is definitely involved
  • I live paycheck to paycheck
  • My son has been swirled into the world of drugs to the point of me fearing his death daily
  • I still have zero clue of what life is and what I’ve mastered
  • My glasses- ugh the daily struggle
  • And my gray hair……always a task

You could say I’m my Mama.

At least I don’t have dentures at a young age like she had. She would take them out and scare the babies with. But I do push, adjust and take off my glasses 100 times a day. My hair seems to turn gray within days of coloring it.

My family is in shreds. After diligently putting effort into vacations, religion, nice housing, sports activities, my family has caved to the ravages of being addictions’ extended victims.

Those are the negative similarities. My mama lived a simple life. She wasn’t impressed by money or power. She didn’t really care for the luxuries of life or having material things, despite growing up poor.

Now, I want a simple life. After decades of always wanting more than my parents had, now I just want simple. Sure, I am impressed by a nice house with a pool and misting sprays coming off the porch. I also desire peace. My mom loved peace. She had an innocent way about her that screamed authenticity. She didn’t ever want to upset anyone, but her blunt manner and uncouthness did, at times.

I want my Mama’s innocence.

I want her ability to be forgiven because “she just didn’t know better”, instead of intentional. I want to be remembered like her, for the good things: her homemade chicken stew, her beautiful yard, her sense of humor.

I don’t want the usual idolizing after death but I want to be missed.

I want to be remembered when someone sees a yellow rose. Or smells Wrigley Spearmint gum. I want someone to hear John Denver’s “Take Me Home Country Roads” and feel a tear well up in their eye.

Mostly I just want to be loved.

Loved like my Mama and I want to Love like my Mama.

Home Base

Get What You Don’t Want

https://fb.watch/6gVjdFayK1/

Tony Robbins said this about his mother:

“IF SHE HAD BEEN the mother I WANTED her to be…I would NOT be the man I am….”

Although we all want a smooth life, drama-free relationships with family, partners & co-workers; none of us want painful toothaches or flat tires in the middle of nowhere.

It seems what we THINK we truly want – Isn’t what’s actually best for our growth…

Somehow those things are beneficial for our own “character building”. That’s an old-time cliche statement but what if it’s true?

What if it’s to help us be the best version of ourselves we can be? In order to help us see things we would NOT have seen if we were riding high on the hog the whole time.

My mama used to always say… “She must have had an easy life” when talking about someone who appeared problem free.

Key word APPEARED….

We just don’t know what battles someone has faced or is facing. And just because we happen to be the target of their anger at the moment, we can’t let it diminish our worth or stop our momentum.

We CAN’T kick ourselves over & over again for not living up to what everyone expects us to be TO THEM, just so they can feel better. Their perception of us is truly only reflective of the war inside them that they haven’t resolved.

This last few weeks the war inside me that I thought I had resolved, has exploded into a million pieces.
The struggle with wanting peace & acceptance & love from those who matter to me the most to me has been a bittersweet experience. It has forced me to find true unconditional love & acceptance within Myself.

All I feel is love toward them.
Because if I reject THEM because they are rejecting ME…then I am only rejecting ME ….. over & over…. & where does that get anyone?????
And if they don’t want to look at your face then oblige them and go away. Send them love from afar…….energetically.

Love really is the only answer……. Despite what you get back 🌼❤🌼

Home Base

My Son is Healed

He Just Doesn’t Know It Yet

Normally on days like this, I have many triggers regarding my son and the damage his addiction has caused, not only to himself but our entire family.

But today is different.

Today, I choose faith. Not HOPE, but pure faith. I’m not dissing hope. I’ve relied on it for months, year’s even. There’s nothing wrong with hope. Hope that things will get better, is what keeps people from sinking into an abyss of depression at times.

I’m going to get very vulnerable here. When or ‘because‘ hope hasn’t seemed to give me relief lately; I’ve been begging and bargaining with God to take my life in exchange for my son’s complete recovery AND my family to be healed especially for my son’s relationship with his kids to be healed.

(I know, I’m always trying to squeeze in an extra wish, but I figured I could get a 3 for 1 since they are all inter-related)

I also know this sounds very extreme. Before you suggest I go to a meeting and do self- care, thank you for the suggestion. It is what it is, I come to this place with much love and clarity have done a lot of self work. I’m not very well versed spiritually, or even strong in my faith but I believe in asking for help.

So, today I asked a prophetic dreams group that’s run by a lady I met; what prayers I should be chanting to facilitate my desire to fruition.

If this STILL sounds too weirded out, sorry. Desperate times call for desperate measures. My son is in jail on for his longest time ever- 6 weeks. As stated in my previous whining posts, its been a roller coaster ride. And not the new flashy, sexy roller coaster, but the old wooden, creaky, break-down-at-any moment roller coaster (where they would casually say: “You knew the risk” if you were to get hurt).

So putting my question to a group of potentially spiritually-in-tune people was a desperate measure also. The answers I received, however, changed my perspective. This is a summation of what they said:

STOP trying to make deals with GOD! STOP immediately because deals are only made with the devil.
God ONLY wants Love & faith from you that he already sent his son to die for all our sins.

You can’t pay or bargain with God!

If you ask for healing you have to believe you have it, whether you see it yet or not, that’s the true test, do not confess what “is wrong with them” instead speak that they are healed.

Thank God that they are healed by his stripes, that he bore their sickness, thank him OUT LOUD for each promise, it could take a few months or sooner but stick with it everyday, do not let other people confess so called diagnosis over your loved ones in distress, either.

I start now.

I start calling my son into healing. I’m through letting him slide back into an excuse to blame the devil or some other entity. Evil can be fought. And if he can’t see it or say it, I will be his voice. He still has to be the one to do the work and to first DECIDE to do the work. So through the jail message system I sent my first born incarcerated son this message of not only HOPE but of FAITH.

Happy Fathers Day Son. You WILL be an influence on your kids' lives again. They WILL love you again. There will be no confusion or shame because you will teach them about things that take dads & moms away.

These 3 years do NOT take away all you have done before then. Don't believe the shame mongerers. You have just been trying to survive yourself & in that regard you did amazing! You were an excellent provider & u were a loving fun dad. You can be again. 3 yrs is nothing out of a 60-70 year life.

You are loved.

I love you son, and soon, when you see the understanding in your little kids' eyes & feel their forgiveness, it will ALL be worth it.
Enjoy your day the best you can.

HḀṖṖẏ ḟḀṮḧḕṙṠ ḊḀẏ

To those fathers everywhere who are the wonderful hallmark version, to those who are stuck in their own struggle of survival and pain- and all those in between.

You are seen, heard and loved.

Your potential is not measured by your surroundings in the moment, but by the quiet moments of your heart. Where you ache deeply for your family and kids. Where your shame has pushed you into places and spaces that smothered you into numbness.

Whatever it is that pushed you into isolation, whether it was a society who said you wasn’t worthy of being amongst them; or your own spiral into self- defeat; you can come back.

Anytime, come back.

You’re needed. You’re wanted.

It might not seem like it.
We might be scared and worried at first, but it’s only because we care. We have been conditioned to fear the worst. So have you. That’s why it horrifies you to think of being that person you were before. After all – those were the days you needed to escape from. The stress and pressure of expectations and disappointment were off the charts some days.

What if you fail again?
Oh but my son, what if you don’t?
What if the last half or more of your life is filled with unbelievable joy? What if your kids and grandkids are gathered around you to hear your war stories? Not real war, but your days of the drug war. You won’t glamorize it, like alcohol is. You will tell the cold hard truth. You will tell those precious souls that evil starts small. With a thought. A nudge. A risk. A desire for something more. You will tell them not to be afraid or embarrassed to admit their concerns. If they are in over their head, it’s the right thing to do to seek help.

Come back.
So much love awaits you.
-© Samantha Waters

Sometimes society isolates people who are in pain into good old fashioned shame. We’re interconnected for a reason, we need one another and a perspective outside of our own in order to see the limitations of our own.-James Robertson
Home Base

Take A Step Back

This was the message that I received loud and clear last Friday, after hitting brick after brick in the wall of my sons incarceration/ court/ addiction / recovery/ ORS journey.

My frustration turned to self reflection that perhaps ‘I’ was trying too hard {again} to guide his recovery- instead of him doing it.

It’s true, he needed assistance. He was in such severe withdrawals from being a twice- a-day IV heroin & meth user that he used on his 5th day in jail. He was placed in solitary confinement for 21 days they brought him out only for his hearings where the judge and the opposing child support attorney would berate him for his failure in life. Yet orders were given to find treatment while serving a 30 day arrest they imposed on him. So not only did he receive 2 felonies for the drug usage in a “government facility” -because he couldn’t “suddenly quit” a disease he’s had for over 3 years- but he was to immediately become responsible and display rational thinking.

I’m not condoning any of his actions or saying he shouldn’t pay the consequences of his actions. I’m just saying that I, as his mom, still love him as a human, despite being broken, ashamed, yet still prideful, and certainly not well. The court and others, focus on his wrongdoings & inflict that punishment as they see fit.

So I went to work on the research that I thought I was prepared for. As stated in my previous post on rehabs, I knew what to do. It just didn’t seem to be working after two weeks of trying.

I had to have a “come to Jesus moment” as the saying goes. I said, to my higher power: “Ok, I get it. I’m obviously not the one who’s going to make any difference in my son’s recovery, so I will step aside and let ‘whoever’ will be more effective, to come in”.

On Saturday, he informed me that he didn’t think he could be successful at an inpatient rehab and was going to try to do outpatient. This meant that he would go back to his previous life of couch surfing, no car, and no official job.

I was devastated and angry. I guess I hadn’t really let go, but certainly was forced to now.

By Tuesday I had calmed down, especially when hearing his story of a man he met in there. A man who told him the following in straight prison talk language:

I know one thing you're a hard-headed mfer you couldn't be taught anything if your life depends on it cuz you're too goddam smart- you know everything right dumbA? I bet you didn't even graduate high school cuz you already knew more than them low-paid dumbA teacher's. I was like, "do you just talk to me cuz you need to constantly talk shit?".. he chuckled and said there you go interrupting. let me finish dumbA... he said what you lack in listening skills and brains you make up for in stubborn don't quit attitude. I've seen you push through workouts till you can't get in your bunk ect.. he said you want to change but don't know how. well its real simple. you want to be successful get back to work lazy and quit breaking the law. you want to loose weight quit eating. you want to get in better shape get off your ass and work out....

Despite all the prison talk, my heart wept with gratefulness. This hard core unknown man, locked up with my son, was teaching him more about life and himself than a few dozen classes might.

Things that I had tried to tell him in the entire last year of not seeing him and employing the obligatory “tough love”, which only pushed my son further into the drug scene.

The next day, a miracle clergy man that I had happened to find, was finally able to meet with my boy with 3 inches of plexiglass between them. He sent me this message after:

“I’m sitting here outside the jail, thinking what a good guy your son is. He reminds me of my son, who was addicted too & now has been clean 8 years. I gave your son a blessing and I will pray for him”.

It still gives me a lump in my throat to think of these strangers- caring about my son. My son has never done anything for them and they have nothing to gain, yet they showed kindness in their own way.

The very next day, my son read The Freedom Model book and was blown away! This was his idea of a do-able path to recovery. He was so impressed that he wants to go to their treatment center in New York. It would be perfect. Something he can put full-on effort into and the court would approve of. It’s also primarily for businessmen, which is perfect for him because he’s an entrepreneur. The only problem is, it’s private and extremely pricey. They have payment plans but its completely out of my monthly budget.

So I don’t know what will happen next week. If he gets released, it will be back to his old routine and game-on – addiction. If by some miracle he is directed (or forced) a different way, then I will be relieved.

This is out of my hands.

It’s between my son and God.

I can only pray that my son will find his way out.

Home Base

Fentanyl Analogs and Derivatives in the Epidemic

By Elizabeth Hartney, BSc., MSc., MA, PhD @ verywellmind.com

Fentanyl was created in 1959 as an intravenous surgical analgesic. It is 50 to 100 times more powerful than morphine.1 As an opioid drug, fentanyl is sometimes used deliberately by people who use other opioid drugs, such as heroin and prescription painkillers. But due to its potency, it has made its way into many other drugs that people use recreationally.

This has led to a huge increase in accidental consumption of fentanyl, and in overdose deaths, often by people who are not even aware they are taking it. If a user is new to taking opioids, the risk of overdose is even higher, because their bodies have not developed any tolerance to the drug.

The increasing availability of prescription fentanyl has provided a supply of this powerful drug. Fentanyl can be stolen from hospitals, pharmacies, and or from patients and sold on the street drug market.

In addition to pharmaceutical fentanyl being diverted from medical sources, Chinese labs began making and selling cheap fentanyl, which is imported to North America and cut with other drugs for a huge profit. In this way, both medical and illicitly made fentanyl has spread throughout the illicit drug market, massively increasing the number of drug-related deaths.

Analogs and Derivatives

Drug analogs are drugs that are developed to imitate a particular drug, but they are not identical. Sometimes called novel psychoactive substances, they can be made to be similar in chemical structure, or similar in pharmacological effect to the original drug.

Creating drug analogs became popular in the 1990s, as illicit drug manufacturers tried to beat the legal system by making drugs that could not be listed as illegal or controlled drugs until they were recognized. Although this “designer drug” strategy did not beat the system, because any drug that was structurally similar to a controlled drug also became illegal, drug manufacturers have continued to develop new drug analogs in this way.

Here’s an article describing current legislation to criminalize low level dealers even more than they are now.

A crime lab said that 30 grams of cocaine that Todd Coleman had sold were laced with illegal fentanyl analogues, but they were mistaken.

A crime lab said that 30 grams of cocaine that Todd Coleman had sold were laced with illegal fentanyl analogues, but they were mistaken. COURTESY OF ASHLEY JACKSON


This is my favorite documentary on real life addiction.

This is one comment from the documentary regarding “why give needles to ” druggies”:

I guess the video can’t be shared but you can watch ot on You Tube.

Meanwhile, here’s those myths about addiction that I shared the other day. I think they’re important in the addiction/ journey course.

https://mobile.twitter.com/MyHarmReduction/status/1403775714600554505

Misconceptions about how people change.

Heavy multiplication x

Believing that people must suffer to change/”bootstrap mentality”;

Heavy multiplication x

thinking change can only look one way and is linear;

Heavy multiplication x

thinking there is only one way to help;

Heavy multiplication x

expecting a full 180 overnight; etc.

Myths about addiction and substance use disorder.

Heavy multiplication x

Addiction is a moral failing;

Heavy multiplication x

People with SUDs don’t care about anyone or anything (including themselves);

Heavy multiplication x

Drugs create addiction so ‘anyone’ can get addicted;

Heavy multiplication x

Any help is ‘enabling’ etc

Home Base

Sweet Liberation

Re- share Matt Kahn

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Mattkahn.org

Along the path of awakening, it is quite common to play out lingering unconsciousness through patterns of neutrality and engagement. Not that neutrality or engagement are inherent forms of the unconscious, but both are common spaces for a remaining unconsciousness to hide during various stages of expansion.

When this occurs, the ego uses neutrality as an attempt to spiritually bypass the emotional body. It is here where personal engagement becomes aloof, disembodied, non-committal, and avoidant. When the pattern flips to an opposite form, as all patterns do, a willingness to engage becomes so personal that an awareness of personal conduct is replaced by a desperate need to be right.

Whether one or both of these patterns have played out in yourself or currently control the will of those you know, the key is learning to hold loving space as the unconsciousness of human patterning continues to dissolve through time. This may help you remember that just because someone may be interested in the evolution of consciousness, it doesn’t mean they are ever done evolving. Whether choosing to hold space up close or from afar and in whatever way supports your personal needs and the evolving state of your nervous system, it is the gift of time that ultimately brings the healing anyone desires and needs. I’m not referring to time as something perceived as a conceptual illusion, nor the time that can feel like a commodity running out. It is a dimension of time, manifested into form, as your eternal presence of being that ultimately makes everything right through your willingness to slow down, catch your breath, and find safety and strength in vulnerability — no matter who can and cannot meet you there.

From this space, you are naturally rooted in a state of neutrality the ego cannot learn, impersonate, practice, or ever ‘get right’. It is a neutrality that washes over all areas of your life through the grace of time — allowing others the right to their own experience, without tainting the ethics of your personal engagement or negatively influencing your subjective experience.

This is the heart of true liberation.

All For Love,

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Matt Kahn All For Love