Month: April 2021

Trust And Patience

This week has been brutal in the spiritual warfare battle.

The score at the top of the 6th (66) appears to be led by Mr Satan himself. The bases are loaded and I’m up to bat.

I’ve already struck out once this inning and it has taken the wind outta my sails, the bounce outta my ball.

Addiction has a way of flowing its evil lava into every nook and cranny available and using any tool possible to fracture families and communities.

The battle between good and evil has a long history.

I can understand if you are a non- believer. I respect that any reference to good and evil may -in your opionion- be simply a product of free will. People either choose to do good things or they don’t. Seems pretty clear cut. Until you start digging into why a human would continue to make poor choices despite bad consequences.

With children it’s easy to train them not to do things which may harm them. By repetition in the brain that if they touch something hot, they will get burned.

So why are our jails full of people who have suffered great losses from their choices? And yet keep re-offending.

Different reasons of course. I stick with my mantra of one size NEVER fits ALL. Some people are slower to learn. Some feel the benefits of addiction such as the CONNECTION with other addicts and that lifestyle outweigh having to deal with the judgement and pain of their old life.

We know now that humans crave connection – good or bad.

Massachusetts has seemed to figure out how to combat the revolving door of minor drug offenses with their outreach program:

It’s based on the idea that, for many drug users, a call to the police — for a nonfatal overdose or a drug-related crime such as theft — is the first time they get on the radar of any authority. So after the immediate crisis is over, officers follow up and offer help. That could be a warm bed for the night, a referral to a recovery coach or needle-exchange program, a ride to detox. At the very least, they’ll give out the overdose-rescue drug Narcan and talk about how to stay alive.

So there’s usually a lot more at play in what people choose, than to just say free will. It’s already been established that Purdue & big pharma was a huge incentive for a lot of physicians choices and ultimately our addicts choices. The draw of connection when other relationships are falling apart due to strict tough love with hurting family member. Most addicts in recovery agree that some form of darkness & evil came into play also.

We can make small changes in the system and fight for stigma change. We can recognize the draw of evil to pull struggling people astray. WE- the strong ones have to have the strength to combat that and BE their light!

Here is some amazing advice from first an addict in recovery then a mom/wife in recovery from her addicted loved one. 

"When you're in recovery, you become close to making a difference in your life or in someone else's your gonna come under extreme attack, you're gonna be tested, you're gonna be tried. The enemy is going to come at you like a ton of bricks. He knows that you're a world changer, he knows you have purpose. He knows that your weakness is your addiction, because he put it there. He wants to destroy you before you can destroy him.
  You kick him square in the f****** teeth! You fight him with every ounce of energy that you have within you.  Pray, he hates that. He can't put you through more than you can handle. Addiction is not greater than you. It feels like it is within your flesh, but its only for a while, and it can be defeated- Foster Chambers
This is how I manage anger and anxiety. First, I understand that I can only control 10% of the life around me. It means 90% is controlled by others, so there will be a lot of offences and goodness to me from others. They are situations I cannot control, so I must be humble in all situations.
So I condition my mind to face the world. I do not make my mind that anybody who does anything wrong did it intentionally. Even if it was intentional, it has been done already, and my anger cannot unmake what she/he had done. Now should I get angry, my heart will pump blood in a rush that can affect my health; then I would have lost two times: first the act had been done and secondly my anger or anxiety can cause me sickness.
Then I understood the Biblical admonition which says, if it comes from you, live with all in peace.
The Bible knows there will be offences so the biggest lesson Jesus left for us was how He comported Himself from the court of Pontus Pilate unto the Cross.
The Almighty Jesus who raised the dead to life, healed the sick etc, was silent when He was being abused, slapped, spat on and whipped. It was this SILENCE that gave Him victory, due to His HUMILITY.
For us due to pride, we fight back and it ends up in violence and fights which give Satan the opportunity to damage us more on our various relationships.
When it becomes a case with the police, some friends who encourage us to retaliate may not take you to the police station, let alone pay the monies involved with you.
Believe God who says, it is up to Him to take vengeance on your behalf.

God is faithful and truthful. Stand by His words and be free, for which purpose Christ came to the World.-Bernice Afi Ndo

Momma Bear/Bird

The momma bird pecked ferociously at the window. She could feel her eggs wobbling inside her patiently awaiting their day.

It only made her peck harder at the window, fervently NEEDING to accomplish this feat.

Finally! SUCCESS! She broke through the barrier that meant stability and LIFE for her littles.

She went home feeling accomplished. Time was SO SHORT. She could already feel the warm breezes of spring coming closer every day. She must return bright and early to continue her mission. She tossed and turned all night in the flapping dryer vent. It was warm there but the tin was hard and flat. She could think of nothing else but a nice round warm nest where she pictured her brightly colored baby eggs getting nurtured in her love.

The next day was more pecking, cautiously stopping when she heard a sound approach. Ah, it was just the neighbor, the ones who have the lovely bird feeder on their porch. Thirsty & hungry she flew away for lunch, reveling in her progress. Back at it, in what seemed like an eternity, but was really only hours in human time; she broke through the barrier.

She couldn’t believe it! Persistence paid off! Her nest would be the strongest in the whole neighborhood! She ravagely pulled off the steel screen pieces to line her sweet babies first precious sanctuary.

Her babies would be so happy! They would grow up strong and safe and warm. They would fill their beaks and tummies with worms and bugs and all things wonderful that momma found. They would squawk and play and frolic while momma watched on proudly.

When the time came for their departure, momma would shed a big wet bird tear and push them out of the nest.

Momma bird would have a moment of silence saying a little bird prayer for them to live a full and safe life. She prayed for them to have the wisdom to stay clear of airplanes and vultures and all things that mean instant death. She hoped they would have strong instincts to avoid the slow killers too, poisonous plants and moldy water.

But she didn’t have long to worry. She had to start preparing for the next batch. She started singing in her best, clearest most beautiful birdsong ever!

Word press

Just in case you ever wondered why Mom’s are so stubborn and refuse to detach from their child or at least ‘ worry-like-a-muttha’ when they don’t have food or adequate shelter. I guess the key is-be more like a momma bear when they’re little but become a momma bird later. Detach with loving purpose as you push them into the vast world.

Triggers- a Wet Match is Useless

They say addicts in recovery have triggers.

Well, us Moms in not-quite- recovery have triggers too.

Like waking up. Wondering if your child did.

Eating breakfast. Wondering if your prodigal son did.

Seeing the work trucks on the road. Why isn’t he there? Wait is that him? No, every worker looks like him. Dirty, hot, but doing something with PURPOSE….

Seeing houses. Everywhere. Men in garages. Doing normal things…

What I wouldn’t give to see my son mowing a lawn again. I think back. Have I ever seen him mowing a lawn? Why didn’t I go tell him how wonderful it was to see him mowing a lawn? He would have looked at me with that half-smile and said “Okaaaaaayy Mom, you’re crazeeeee”.

If I had to say one thing I miss the most about my ‘old’ son is his humor. So yes, humor is a trigger. Certain sarcasm. An ironic situation. A joke he would like.

Seeing A Dad in a restaurant with his kids. TRIGGER! I want to walk up and tell him to relish every moment. To enjoy their little faces, their laughter. Because in a year he might not be with them. He will look shocked.

“Why wouldn’t I be with them?”

“You might become addicted and lose everything”.

He would laugh and say “That’s ridiculous!, I can control my alcohol.

“Will you just take this test to make sure?” As I show him The questionnaire. ” I just would hate for you to lose three years of those precious kids lives, plus your marriage and house and your entire business that you spent 10 years building”.

“Lady, you are CRAZY!”

Why Yes, yes I am.

What is behind these triggers- is pain. Whats behind the pain? Fear. Fear of the loss of what we once knew and loved. Because we now know that LOSS causes PAIN and we FEAR that pain may not leave. It doesn’t seem to be leaving because we keep seeing more and more triggers. The cycle continues.

What Gabor is saying is to deal with those triggers. Not by avoiding them. Not by giving them the power. (ammunition). The trigger is worthless without the ammunition. WE have the power to load the ammunition. If we DEAL with the pain by changing our views and getting stronger in hope, then we can knock the ammunition to the ground where its useless.

A match is useless wet.

Figure out how to wet your match.

As for me, I’m going to start using the act of visualization. Actually SEEING my son mowing the lawn. SEEING him working a good job instead of hustling and scavenging. Yup, I’m going to live in fairyland which is the basis of THE SECRET, ABRAHAM HICKS & hundreds of other motivational themes starting clear back with Dale Carnegie’s book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.

I found this deep in a drawer- going to reread it. Won’t you join me?

Falling To Grace

As my son’s life spins more out of control, I feel myself spinning too. Falling away from him. Away from having to defend him. Away from justifying anything. It hurts. But it’s a numbing kind of hurt. A tired hurt.

I wonder, Is this how he felt when he was choosing between the choices he had? A numbing peace?
What stressors he faced, day after day. Running a business, keeping everyone happy. Never being enough. Never quite getting it right. Never feeling quite comfortable in his own skin. Always using humor & distraction to move away from those feelings.

Netflix’s new show Words on Bathroom walls shows the demons that mental illness brings and what people have to do to relieve those.

I’ve spent 18 months doing a deep dive into why my son started using. The entire time he was getting worse and worse. As Lorelie Rozzano started in her post today:

“Weeks, months, and years passed.
I grew progressively sicker, and somewhere along the way, I STOPPED CARING…

Justifications, rationalizations, and blame were ingrained in my thinking. My cognitive reasoning skills were poor—every thought I had allowed me to justify my behavior and rationalize my use.

Because my brain was a toxic chemical soup, my behaviors grew increasingly more unhealthy. I justified using, stealing, cheating, procrastinating, yelling, swearing, over/under-eating, shopping, and the many other poor choices I made.

I built a sticky web of deceit and drug dependency and then became trapped by my thinking. It was the worst kind of hell as I was both the victim and the perpetrator of my demise.

Lorelie Rozzano

I also have become trapped in my thinking. Thinking I can fix this.

I can’t.

And maybe that’s how he feels. Too much to fix…Without the know-how to do it.

Although WE can see the way out pretty clearly, their hijacked zero-coping skill brain can’t.

And we can’t tell them the way out. This lady describes the addicted brain response pretty well:

“The lack of coping skills to handle day to day challenges physical emotional psychological spiritual etc are the core reasoning behind the need to use n abuse all of which leads to self-destructive behaviors uncontrollable actions that without the desire for change leads to a self destructive lifestyle the individual will make the choice to stop n force themselves to feel n learn to manage feelings n problem solve if not they continue to self destruct n live day by day in the life of an addict only when the addict can begin to make rational decisions will he or she allow themselves to rebuild recondition the mind learning to think things through positive reinforcement- Marta Deleon

Keywords”The addict can begin…..” Not the addict’s mom… Everyone has to to their own work. Even then- there’s a certain point – like where I’m at now- to turn it over…..

I have to remember Joyce Meyer’s word in “Closer to God Each Day:

"We often get frustrated because we are trying to live by our own works when our lives were brought into being and designed by God to be lived by Grace. The more we try to figure out what to do to solve our dilemmas, the more confused, upset, and frustrated we will become.
.....just stop and say 
"Oh Lord, give me Grace (your power and ability)." -Joyce Meyer

I can only pray that there’s enough Grace (divine love or pardon) to catch us both.

Wellness

“How are you doing?”

“Better than I deserve” as Dave Ramsey would say. Everytime I hear that on the radio, I go into stinkin-thinkin & say to myself” well of course he’s doing well…..he’s rich…..blablabla.

Immediately, I realize I’m breaking the tenth commandment. Mostly though, I think it’s just a lack of gratitude that I’m suffering from- in those moments. Ungrateful for my health, a house, a job, food, my other kids who are doing well, healthy grandkids.

Think about it, when things are (mostly) going our way, our step is lighter, our voice is chipper, & we radiate happiness.

Happiness, because our world is doing everything we want it to. For a moment.

My fav guru says this:

“It’s wonderful whenever you feel life is going well. Perhaps it is all a matter of perspective in how you define the term, “well”.

In the old paradigm, a feeling of wellness often indicated a sense of being within close range to the preferred outcomes and circumstances that define your existence. The downfall to this mentality, of course, was as soon as outcomes or circumstances changed — the one who was doing well didn’t feel so good anymore.

In the new paradigm, the term, “well” indicates a sense of balance with the harmony of life. Such balance and harmony is revealed by going with the current of change instead of opposing or denying it. No matter how ferociously the waves of change have flooded your circumstances, it is your willingness to surrender to the changes at hand as catalysts of spiritual growth and energetic expansion.

Doing well doesn’t necessarily mean life is going your way, or that you even enjoy or understand the process you’re in. It suggests you are doing well in going through life on the immaculate terms of Universal will – no matter how different it seems from the plans you’ve made. This is the heart of surrender.” – Matt Kahn

I know, it’s pretty deep. But it’s that damn word again: surrender..

Surrending your will seems to be the opposite of “going after everything you ever wanted” right? But I think the idea is to surrender your version of what you thought you wanted.

He talks about emotional oneness (his version of emotional wellness) in this video:

‘Destination addiction’ used to be a tongue in cheek cliche. But what Matt is saying (& every other motivational theme- such as THE SECRET) is the same. If you wait to be happy and fulfilled until you have everything you want, you will be waiting forever.

Samhsa defines the 8 dimensions of wellness in a handy chart that I wrote about Here.

At my age, I didn’t anticipate having the worry that I do, but worrying isn’t getting me anywhere. Addiction is getting a 2,3,4-for-one pass by affecting so many in my circle. This makes personal emotional wellness all the more important.

I must become stronger in my journey, so I’m not dependant on the ups and downs of other’s actions to make me feel better. Yes it’s very hard to do when you know one of your kids is “not ok”.😥

One more video hit home for me this week. My sweet daughter gave this to me on a super bad day, I think, knowing I needed to hear the parts about pain. It’s long but very soothing.

There is No Right or Wrong Way To Understand Human Life

What does this mean?

I became interested in this statement after a recent obituary of a younger person which they stated “she did not do anything to cause her death”.

This hit me hard, of course, since I have a child engaging in risky behaviors daily that could potentially cause his death.

What IS a human life worth? Is it dependant on the choices he makes? A very famous case in the last year has drawn these lines so deeply that hundreds of (innocent) people have died as a result of these lines.

Sometimes, in my dark confusing days of navigating my son’s journey with addiction; I fight the worthiness battle. Is my son worthy of a healthy productive life again? Of course he is.

So why do I feel the need to prove this? I post memes like this continually:

Instagram

I guess I’m trying to get someone to care as much as I do – which is ridiculous. Everyone has their own battles. That is a fact. but when drug addiction enters your world it turns every other thing into irrelevancy. You apply everything through the lens of addiction. I had a co-worker who lost her son in Afghanistan. I actually felt a twinge of envy! Envy that if my son died it wouldn’t be “serving his country”. Would I get compassion? Or looked at as the mother of an addict so the mourning somehow isn’t as valid?

What is a life worth? No matter the race, or their occupation or their manner of death. Pain is pain.

When I questioned this on a recent post on Medium, the author responded with this:

“All people can be heroes. But some deaths have a bigger impact on the world than others. Sure, you could choose to see your son as a martyr. No one would stop you. There is no right or wrong way to understand human life. It just so happens that xxxx death was public for all the world to see, and something about it resonated with people. You do not have to see him as a martyr, but others do. Again, there is no right or wrong way to understand a human life. Choose for yourself.

Joshua Gane

My road to my own recovery through my son’s addiction includes this insecurity of shame and blame (& projection). But ultimately, I have to direct my own thoughts. If I want to focus on seeing my son through other’s eyes, I will be halted in my recovery. What matters is my own well-being and peace and my treatment of my son as a human being with the horrible illness of addiction ruling his life right now. How others treat him or see him is NOT my concern. Even in my own family. Others are allowed to feel however they want.

Sure, I want to break the stigma of addiction. I want to show that no one is immune, that it can happen to anyone. I want people to let others recover in different ways without the bullying of strict words such as clean and sober. I want to quit the argument of whether addiction is a choice or a disease. I want to use that energy on increasing treatment pathways not inflicting more punishment and pain by incarceration.

I don’t want people to have to hide in obituaries the cause of death of their loved ones or make sure people know they didn’t cause it. If a diabetic person died from too much insulin or too much sugar, would the family state: she died through no fault of her own- from diabetes? Or would they just say “From diabetes”?

Another coworker, who just lost her beloved brother, put this in his obituary:

“Please seek to understand the disease of addiction. It is not a choice or a weakness, and at some point, you or your loved one may be touched by it. Please have empathy and support for those struggling and treat them with compassion and respect.”

There’s also this obituary which I’ve saved for awhile:

“Brandie never wanted to be defined only by her addiction and mistakes, she was so much more than that. She made it clear if she was to ever pass as a result of it, she wanted people to know the truth with the hope that honesty about her death could help break the stigma about addicts and get people talking about the problem of addiction that is taking away so many young lives. 

Addiction doesn’t discriminate, it will take hold and destroy anyone in its path, including the families and people who love them. Addiction hides in the faces of everyday people all around us. Brandie isn’t just another statistic or just ‘another one gone too soon,’ she was a great heart with a bright future and a gift that the world lost and can never be replaced. So the best way to honor Brandie, is for people who read this or knew her to think twice before you judge an addict.OR USE!

https://www.serenicare.com/notices/Brandie-Brewer

My sincere condolences to those who have lost a loved one to this insidious disease. As I continue on my search for peace, I hope we can all find more compassion- less judgment for those who suffer from addiction. Also, may we render more kindness to family members who are thrust into a maze of confusion where there is no blueprint to a singular way out.

Addicted to the Addict

Guest blog by Cindy Gainer-Furst

PONDERING THOUGHTS

Have you ever looked at the parallels of our behavior vs. the addict?

In all honestly the addict isn’t proud that they are an addict, yet they are, they will do anything to use, to stop their pain.

We, in all honesty aren’t proud to be in the chaos of their addiction, yet we want to stop our pain and theirs.

The addict doesn’t take note of “how they might change” to help themselves.
We, also don’t take note on “how we might change” to help ourselves.

We are both struggling to resolve an issue that “ONLY WE CAN CHANGE FOR OURSELVES”.

We are begging and asking the addict to get a grip, get help, stop, change, etc.
Yet as we travel down this road, this is exactly what we should be doing for ourselves.

I’m not one to be the 1st to say leave by any means. However, I will always be the 1st to say, stop! Stop trying to swim up stream, stop and look at your situation and how you can help yourself to stay well.

Just like the addict we have to admit that we are powerless over their addiction.
So where does that leave you, where is that taking you? What can you do to not become emotionally wounded and feel less than, not worthy, helpless and all those ugly things?

This is your work, this is where you take back control of your life. You honestly have to take these measures, whether you stay, go or straddle the fence.

So let go of trying to control them, condem them, fix them or become so emotionally vulnerable to them. Truly acknowledge and accept that this is your journey and their journey!

Now take control of you….
Use your tools…

Boundaries
Stop enabling
Detachment
Create a life outside of them, Their addiction doesn’t have to be a life sentence to you.

If you take these measures of self love and work towards a positive life, the answers will emerge.

I mean why are we not allowing ourselves to take the same measures we want our addict to take?

Love yourself and get well and you know what, just maybe your new strength will be a turning point for both of you.

RESPECTFULLY WISHING ALL OF US HEALING AND CLARITY- Cindy Gainer-Furst

The Craving Brain

Cravings are a huge part of addiction and one reason for relapse. As I wrote in this post on cravings, all humans have innate drive for “survival” even if the cost of survival is risky.

If you will understand that we are starving, then you will understand why we do the things we do in our addiction. We’re not bad people. We’re just people. Just like you. But unlike you, we’re starving. This is why we hock, sell, trade everything we have. This is why we do the things that hurt the people we love. Our loved ones will say that we love our drugs more than we do them, but that’s not true. Even if you’re starving, you still love.”

The powerlessness of cravings

This guest post by Ed Brazell agrees:

I just don’t understand,Why?

It was once said that unless you’ve walked in my shoes you’ll never understand.

This quote wasn’t about substance use but boy does it fit.

I hear the questions all the time from families: Why don’t they get it, They’ve done this so many times, They were in recovery and remember the bad days, What the heck?

Our brain is a powerful organ. There are always struggles with either getting into recovery or staying in recovery:

  1. The body’s need for the drug/alcohol.
  2. The habit. Mental obsession not physical.
  3. The memories. Some times called triggers.

Most families think that once their love one has conquered the body’s need for the drug it’s done. But it’s not! It’s actually only starting. Just because the physical addiction isn’t there any longer doesn’t mean that the mental obsession goes away. That also goes along with other traits that they have learned while using. It’s something that the brain has to unlearn and even then it will make connections based on our everyday experiences.

First off, I’d like to get rid of the notion that 30 days is enough time in rehab. It’s not. Also the saying ‘one and done’ (going to one rehab and putting the substance down for good) does happen but it is rare. How can our brain unlearn something it’s been doing for years. Even if the use was for several months it’s still not easy. Clinicians and studies have shown that 90 days is the minimum amount of time needed and even after that follow up care should continue.

The body’s need for the drugs/alcohol:

A detox of anywhere from 5-14 days is all that is needed for almost all detoxes. It will remove the physical dependency of the addiction. Once this is done the hard work really begins.

The habit. Mental obsession not physical:

I sit in my room looking at the walls with tears running down my face like a river. Where is my child? Is he alive? I know, I’ll drive down to where he gets his drugs. Wait a minute someone got killed near there last week – it doesn’t matter I need to know where he is at. I get no sleep at all and I can’t eat knowing that something might be wrong.

Parents and spouses do you remember those feeling? Doing things that could bring harm to us. Do you remember how helpless you felt? How lost, unable to get it out of your mind.

That is taste of what early recovery feels like to your love ones. There are several reasons why they go through this stage:

  1. Chemical imbalance. It takes a long time for the brain to become balanced again. During use, the brain’s reward system has become overloaded. The brain gets use to the high levels. When they stop, the levels falls below what is accepted as normal. When that happens you can imagine how a brain would want this levels back up to where they were.
  2. Emotions. This is often a major issue. Some start their use because of emotional issues but all have issues with emotions when they stop. Can you imagine how you felt if you did something against you inner-being but suppress the feelings that you would normally have. That’s one of the reason that some take a long time to stop using. They feel the shame and know that they will have to deal with it. Now that they aren’t using anymore they have to deal with whatever they are feeling when for a long time they didn’t. Just as a reference point, how many times has someone that’s not using; run from their emotions so they wouldn’t have to deal with them. We throw ourselves into our own addiction such as a job, hobby and so on. Someone that stopped using has to now learn to deal with the emotions and it’s very hard. Many times it takes baby steps. To fast, they can overload and relapse. Also another big issue is isolation. Isolation is also used to not have to deal with anything and it always leads to depression.
  3. The physical connections to the use. Not to the brain dependency but the normal day to day interaction. We are all very repetitive creatures. If you ever examine someone’s life. You’ll see that they do the same thing over and over. We get set in our ways. With work, play, where we go and what we do. Did you know that one of the biggest problems with quitting smoking is because of the cigarette that we hold in our hand. I’m not talking about smoking it, I’m talking about just holding it.

The memories. Some times called triggers.

Let’s first look at a trigger that I might have, because we all have them. So, I’m sitting watching TV and a commercial comes on for a desert and all of a sudden I find myself in the kitchen digging through the pantry looking for something. I know it sounds silly but that would be a trigger. How about you run into someone that did you wrong and the memories start bubbling to the top and in a very short time you’re ready to bite their head off for something that happened years ago.

For those in recovery I’ll use the words “People, Places and things”. A trigger is something that caused a thought to come up about their old days using. It can be something as simple as a bottle of water. We would never think anything about it, but I know several people in recovery that can’t have a bottle of water around them because it reminds them of using. How about driving the same route that they use to. A friend that they use to use with. How about a small dose of a drug (for medical reasons) that reminds them of using.

A really big issue is drug dreams. They happen randomly. They are asleep having a dream. The dream is of them using. It seems so real that when they wake up they swear that they really did use. It feels real, the memory was real and even the same body feelings are the same. It’s a very unsettling feeling for anyone to go through.

Memories are a link between something in the past with something that is occurring now. It can be pictures, movies or even a conversation. For many it takes a long time for those memory links to sever. As time passes our brain forgets old the thoughts, replaces old ones with learned new ones and adapts. But a old thought can jump out of no where.

I hope this helps explain a little bit of what’s going on without writing a book. I tried to write it so it related to some of what you’ve had in your lives. There are many other things we could cover but it’s long already.- Ed Brazell

Mustard Seeds

Don’t forget that it is Satan who roams this earth seeking whom he may devour. For every prayer and every tear, God is working in the back ground to make those prayers happen. We want it instantly.  That’s not always the case. It takes time. And usually our anger at the slowness is misguided when it’s Satan and his fallen ones that should get our anger. He(God) didn’t create this. And He will not force us to follow him. We all have choices in this life. I pray that God will put people in the suffering one’s path that will lead him to Jesus and back to your arms. Praying for his safety.