How to wake up from perfectionism/projectionism
What if you didn’t feel worried?
What if you didn’t have this fear inside you?
What if you didn’t let your mind project the worst-case scenario onto a one-sentence FACT of the here and now? In other words, is the story that you’re mulling over in your mind true to form for what’s right now in front of you?
What if your emotions were NOT driven by the “pain of neglect” or the “fear of loss.”
Over the years, as I’ve watched office politics play out, I’ve noticed that most behavior or conflict is rooted in the fear of losing their job. Why else would someone backstab or elevate themselves to look good?
What if you were not ‘that” afraid of loss? Loss of your job or your lifestyle. What if you were secure enough in your abilities or the future that you were able to be completely true to yourself and others ALWAYS- not just when someone is watching.
It’s a double edged sword to be human with motivation and drive- and EGO. It provokes questionable behavior in order to achieve and fulfill the ego’s desires and needs. Once that works well for our ego’s needs of power, or worthiness or MATTER-ness; the target gets bigger and more dangerous. We want to know we matter. Our ego wants to ONLY MATTER.
The more we try to achieve our version of perfection or worthiness (and what we want to portray to others) the LESS authentic we become.
To avoid this, a constant self-evaluation is required. Any emotion that we feel comes up, it’s sometimes therapeutic to look at what the basis for the emotion is. Most anger, jealousy, confusion, and sadness come from a fear of loss. We’re afraid of losing what we hold dear. Our reputation, our habits, our house, and of course our family.
The more we feed into our fears and our faults, the more power they have over us.
People who have lost their homes and businesses often come back stronger than ever because they’ve battled that fear of loss.
As humans we are always trying to improve our life. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s when we “can’t see the forest for the trees.” As the old timers- my parents (& now ME!) Used to say. It’s when we make ourselves miserable at what we think is wrong in our lives & our attempts to fix it. We just seem to HAVE TO have that thing that we currently want.
But we all know the goalpost keeps moving. Those who have achieved all the money they need, soon turn to power as a replacement. Or prestige, or sexual fulfillment or going batshit crazy for a ’cause’. Anything to fill that hole of fear of loss.
I’m not a perfectionist in the sense of organization, detail to appearance, and OCD behaviors- at all. But I am an over-thinker and a “If-Only” idealistic & slightly glass-half-empty person.
Perfectionism, in itself-is actually a form of self-harm and therefore a symptom of low self worth. It’s self- harming because IT CAN NEVER BE ACHIEVED & your subconscious knows it. So you will continually seek out more ideas and situations to fulfil that never ending goal.
Says Me
“Even if you cross off your to-do list and become everything you ever wanted in yourself……. You will ALWAYS find something else to feed your inner perfectionist.”
Matt Kahn
Not everyone resonates with my guru guy Matt Kahn- aka MY KIDS! But I want you to put this video on tonight and just listen as you fall asleep. Listen to how it’s okay to “come as you are.” You can be as the Buddha sitting under the Bodhi tree peacefully meditating surrounded by demons to which he is immune to. It’s deep stuff, but I prefer it over shallow, trivial stuff.
Many books and programs teach mindfulness and meditation. It’s something I struggle with. But the power of training your mind to just be- in the here and now has incredible benefits. There’s no overthinking, projection, anticipatory grief, living in the past which brings up MORE pain of LOSS instead of cherishing sweet memories.
"Almost all sadness comes from thinking about the past, and all worry from thinking about the future - present mindedness is your only safe haven. Only in the present is your mind free to do what it does best - solve problems. The easiest way to leave the past behind is to remember that love does not live in the past, only memories - love lives in the present." Bryant McGill
May you be your own version of the Buddha under the fig tree. Relishing in your own grace of “good enough.”
