As I sit here again.
Wondering if my heroin addicted, homeless, jobless tormented son is alive tonight.
I see this article about the Sacklers….
I’m trying so hard…..
Trying to not be in victim mentality.
Trying to completely blame my son for his “choices”.
Trying to see why he and his kids and all of us are suffering deeply, financially & emotionally.
Trying to not place blame for my fractured family who barely speaks to each other.
Trying to not worry another day that my son is dead.
He doesn’t even look the same.
100+ lbs lighter- my brawny, strong tanned son looks like a pale old man.
These drugs have ravaged his body & mind so much that he sees criminal activity as the norm now.
He scavenges around, trying to survive in and do his best to make sense of his world that he has fallen into.
Going to dark places, dark people who don’t have his best interests at heart. He tells me no one can be trusted.
It’s all about money.
People in high places are involved in the drug trade.
I’m scavenging too.
I still call, write, anyone I can. Searching for someone with resources, or a deep desire to help save a human life……
These people, in, the article, were like my son once…….they just wanted to start a business- make some money.
That was my sons dream.
His own company.
He achieved it. They achieved it.
He’s almost dead. They are enjoying their mansions and the good life even as they defend their business of death.
I’m trying to not be envious.
I’ll need lots of help with that tonight
⛲🕍🏝
I hope things get better, this post shook me.
Thank you💛
I was so angry at the guy that sold my daughter the hit that took her life. Until I realized that my daughter in disease did the same thing. Did she take anyone’s life? Yes. She did. And i believe the child and Shame from that took her to relapse after having a year clean. Seeing that helped me release the guy that sold her the but that took her out. Yesterday was a year. One hit. Fentanyl. She lived in life support until May 8th last year.
Ida im so sorry for your loss.❣💔❣ There are no easy answers. Im trying to reconcile the idea that my son is a dealer😭. He’s very very ill & I know people who haven’t experienced this nightmare think that there are these clear-cut lines that addicts KNOWINGLY cross. Im not ‘saying that an addict doesn’t know ( or have been taught) it’s wrong to steal or sell but when they become hardened and desperate that line is blurred- partly because addiction affects that part of the brain of reasoning and consequences. There cones a point when the trauma of addiction and all they’ve lost, makes them not able to care anymore. That’s the sad part. My son hated needles with a passion and in the early stages of addiction he said that many times…… That he would never…….but here we are…… He’s used needles for 2 years. Every step deeper is horrifying…to us and at first to them……..
Thank you for supporting me and sharing your pain and process of healing.💜