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What If It’s Just Ok?- Tɦɛ ʟɛɢɛռɖ օʄ ȶɦɛ ɮօɖɦɨ ȶʀɛɛ

How to wake up from perfectionism/projectionism

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What if you didn’t feel worried?

What if you didn’t have this fear inside you?

What if you didn’t let your mind project the worst-case scenario onto a one-sentence FACT of the here and now? In other words, is the story that you’re mulling over in your mind true to form for what’s right now in front of you?

Rebecca Undem

What if your emotions were NOT driven by the “pain of neglect” or the “fear of loss.”

Over the years, as I’ve watched office politics play out, I’ve noticed that most behavior or conflict is rooted in the fear of losing their job. Why else would someone backstab or elevate themselves to look good?

What if you were not ‘that” afraid of loss? Loss of your job or your lifestyle. What if you were secure enough in your abilities or the future that you were able to be completely true to yourself and others ALWAYS- not just when someone is watching.

It’s a double edged sword to be human with motivation and drive- and EGO. It provokes questionable behavior in order to achieve and fulfill the ego’s desires and needs. Once that works well for our ego’s needs of power, or worthiness or MATTER-ness; the target gets bigger and more dangerous. We want to know we matter. Our ego wants to ONLY MATTER.

The more we try to achieve our version of perfection or worthiness (and what we want to portray to others) the LESS authentic we become.

To avoid this, a constant self-evaluation is required. Any emotion that we feel comes up, it’s sometimes therapeutic to look at what the basis for the emotion is. Most anger, jealousy, confusion, and sadness come from a fear of loss. We’re afraid of losing what we hold dear. Our reputation, our habits, our house, and of course our family.

The more we feed into our fears and our faults, the more power they have over us.

People who have lost their homes and businesses often come back stronger than ever because they’ve battled that fear of loss.

As humans we are always trying to improve our life. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s when we “can’t see the forest for the trees.” As the old timers- my parents (& now ME!) Used to say. It’s when we make ourselves miserable at what we think is wrong in our lives & our attempts to fix it. We just seem to HAVE TO have that thing that we currently want.

But we all know the goalpost keeps moving. Those who have achieved all the money they need, soon turn to power as a replacement. Or prestige, or sexual fulfillment or going batshit crazy for a ’cause’. Anything to fill that hole of fear of loss.

I’m not a perfectionist in the sense of organization, detail to appearance, and OCD behaviors- at all. But I am an over-thinker and a “If-Only” idealistic & slightly glass-half-empty person.

Perfectionism, in itself-is actually a form of self-harm and therefore a symptom of low self worth. It’s self- harming because IT CAN NEVER BE ACHIEVED & your subconscious knows it. So you will continually seek out more ideas and situations to fulfil that never ending goal.

Says Me

“Even if you cross off your to-do list and become everything you ever wanted in yourself……. You will ALWAYS find something else to feed your inner perfectionist.”

Matt Kahn
Gertrude Toll- pinterest

Not everyone resonates with my guru guy Matt Kahn- aka MY KIDS! But I want you to put this video on tonight and just listen as you fall asleep. Listen to how it’s okay to “come as you are.” You can be as the Buddha sitting under the Bodhi tree peacefully meditating surrounded by demons to which he is immune to. It’s deep stuff, but I prefer it over shallow, trivial stuff.

Many books and programs teach mindfulness and meditation. It’s something I struggle with. But the power of training your mind to just be- in the here and now has incredible benefits. There’s no overthinking, projection, anticipatory grief, living in the past which brings up MORE pain of LOSS instead of cherishing sweet memories.

"Almost all sadness comes from thinking about the past, and all worry from thinking about the future - present mindedness is your only safe haven. Only in the present is your mind free to do what it does best - solve problems. The easiest way to leave the past behind is to remember that love does not live in the past, only memories - love lives in the present." Bryant McGill
Photo by treespirit.com

May you be your own version of the Buddha under the fig tree. Relishing in your own grace of “good enough.”

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The Root of All Evil

As I sit here again.

Wondering if my heroin addicted, homeless, jobless tormented son is alive tonight.

I see this article about the Sacklers….

https://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/20191025/exclusive-sackler-family-company-pays-7-million-for-mansion-near-boca-raton

I’m trying so hard…..

Trying to not be in victim mentality.

Trying to completely blame my son for his “choices”.

Trying to see why he and his kids and all of us are suffering deeply, financially & emotionally.

Trying to not place blame for my fractured family who barely speaks to each other.

Trying to not worry another day that my son is dead.
He doesn’t even look the same.
100+ lbs lighter- my brawny, strong tanned son looks like a pale old man.

These drugs have ravaged his body & mind so much that he sees criminal activity as the norm now.

He scavenges around, trying to survive in and do his best to make sense of his world that he has fallen into.

Going to dark places, dark people who don’t have his best interests at heart. He tells me no one can be trusted.
It’s all about money.
People in high places are involved in the drug trade.

I’m scavenging too.
I still call, write, anyone I can. Searching for someone with resources, or a deep desire to help save a human life……

These people, in, the article, were like my son once…….they just wanted to start a business- make some money.

That was my sons dream.

His own company.

He achieved it. They achieved it.

He’s almost dead. They are enjoying their mansions and the good life even as they defend their business of death.

I’m trying to not be envious.

I’ll need lots of help with that tonight
⛲🕍🏝

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Self Discernment

I felt it coming. That familiar rush of disappointment…

Someone doesn’t approve.

“You’re doing it wrong.”

Old patterns of defensiveness crop up.

The yearning to beg for acceptance & understanding starts rising up in my throat.

Yuk. It feels icky.

But wait…..If “I” want to be accepted… Then I must accept others!

Which includes their opinion of ME!!! Brilliant!!

What an epiphany!
I HAVE worked hard to become the person I am-Even from a few years ago.
Of course, I want credit where credit is due.
Like anyone would.

I want my intentions to be known as honorable & good.
I want validation for my efforts as much as anyone else does.

And even though it is still hurtful at times to not have people ‘get me’ or be happy for my experiences—or utter a ‘like’ or a kind word of encouragement.
I do understand & respect their view from over there.

Very few have known what I’ve gone thru in the last few years. but from their perspective …a few snippets of gossip or a few posted memes, a singular conversation of someone who knew me when I wasn’t in a good place. Leads to a limited understanding of events or situations that we’re out of my control.

But that’s even more proof that they are entitled to their opinion! However narrow minded it may be!
And besides.. People are in their own struggles.. Their own time consuming fears & thoughts that affect how we view ourselves & others.. Especially on social media… The illusion of all illusions…

Everything needs a contrast.

A balance.

And when I have a negative balance, it just makes me yearn to be stronger & brighter ☀️🌝☀️.
to refine my ego, soften my heart, train my brain to not be affected by the downcast looks or rude little digs or by silentness that etches into the core of human loneliness.

It makes me strive even more, to build (not beg) deeper & more meaningful relations.

With people who truly care.

Not with energy zappers.

It makes me want to be a woman with no regrets, but without bitterness too.
It makes me want to share everything I learn & perpetuate my idealistic vision of everything “just being ok”

My kids know my struggles,

My husband sees my pain. God knows my heart.

He knows how hard I’ve fought, who knows how many tears I’ve shed.
He knows the pain in my heart be that I work every day to resolve.

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Choose Your Own Story

Every journey is different.. trust me, I know how unbearably hard this evil is.

I pray for all who struggle and those who love you.

What I have learned there is no one size fits all solutions, no magic wands, no “if you do it this way, or that way” you will save them. It’s a crap shoot.
I have learned my life, the lives of my loved ones have crashed and burned, and will never ever be the same.

I have learned that despite everything “I thought I knew” about this disease I couldn’t stop it from happening to my son.

I have learned that no matter how your child was raised… single parent, two parents, sports, no sports, money, no money, black, white, asian, hispanic etc…. this disease does not discriminate.

I have learned the phrase “unconditional love” are the two most important words a parent can know.
I have learned “not my kid” are the three most dangerous words a parent can utter.
I have learned to get used to isolation, and judgment… and to not care what others think anyway.

I have learned that a parent fighting for the life of their child does better research than a rocket scientist.

I have learned that even through the tears, frustration and anger, hug your child tight, kiss them and tell them how much you love them… they truly hate who they have become, and desperately need to hear this A LOT!!! They don’t hate us.

I have learned even if you see they are high, sit and talk with them about everything and anything anyway.
I have learned that with the introduction of fentanyl, carfentanl, and other poisons the definition of rock bottom has changed. Rock bottom is now death.

I have learned that tough love is not for everyone. Each person has a different journey. What works for one, doesn’t mean it works for all.
I have learned so called “experts” who advise you to do tough love, never ever prepare you, if that doesn’t work.

I have learned that the word “Hope” is no longer a part of my vocabulary.
I have learned to live in the moment (30 seconds at a time, usually less) that’s all I’m capable of.

I have learned that every loved one who has the job of trying to save their child from themself should go with their HEARTS, because at the end of this journey, that is what you will answer to. There are no do-overs.

I have learned that no one can tell you how or what to do when dealing with your loved one. We know what we can handle, and time will tell us, when we need to step away. This is where your heart comes in.

I learned if you do make that decision, for whatever reason, to ask them to leave… that your heart is breaking in a million pieces, your worry is 24/7. That tears and prayers go hand in hand.

I have learned if you want to help them, feed them, give them a bed…. Just do it…
I have learned it is a disease, they are sick, and they need help… and we are their last line of defense.

I have learned that those that struggle are smart, funny, intelligent, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, moms, dads, uncles, cousins, friends and beautiful human beings with beautiful hearts….

I have learned that their hearts ache knowing the pain they have caused, even as they are yelling obscenities at their loved ones. It is not them, it is the drugs.

I learned that contrary to those who are uneducated about this disease (and it is a disease), they don’t do this for fun. They hate this disease. No one ever said, I want to be an addict.

I have learned people can be extremely judgmental… and we have two choices… ignore them or educate them.
I have learned there is plenty of blame to go around…. Pharma Co, FDA who approved, politicians who had their hands in those pockets, and turned a blind eye, open borders for the drugs to flood this country, and dealers/distributors who capitalize on all of it… and knowing this doesn’t change what is happening.

I have learned that knowing the possibility of losing them is real, but it actually happening are two different worlds!

I have learned that those that struggle are broken, and need so much love… they are worth it!!! Love and compassion go a long way in the life of those that struggle.

I have learned the compassion, love, and support of total strangers have humbled me beyond words. God puts angels in our path for a reason. Thank YOU….- unknown, but so many of my catch phrases are in here.

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Self Discernment

I felt it coming. That familiar rush of disappointment…

Someone doesn’t approve.

Old patterns of defensiveness crop up.

The yearning to beg for acceptance & understanding starts rising up in my throat.

Yuk. It feels icky.

But wait…..If “I” want to be accepted… Then I MUST accept others!

Which includes their opinion of ME!!! Brilliant!!

What an epiphany!
I HAVE worked hard to become the person I am-Even from a few years ago.
Of course, I want credit where credit is due.
Like anyone would.

I want my intentions to be known as honorable & good.
I want validation for my efforts as much as anyone else does.

And even though it is still hurtful at times to not have people ‘get me’ or be happy for my experiences—or utter a ‘like’ or a kind word of encouragement.
I do understand & respect their view from over there.

Very few have known what I’ve gone thru in the last few years. but from their perspective …a few snippets of gossip or a few posted memes, a singular conversation of someone who knew me when I wasn’t in a good place. Leads to a limited understanding of events or situations that we’re out of my control.

But that’s even more proof that they are entitled to their opinion! However narrow minded it may be!
And besides.. People are in their own struggles.. Their own time consuming fears & thoughts that affect how we view ourselves & others.. Especially on social media… The illusion of all illusions…

Everything needs a contrast.

A balance.

And when I have a negative balance, it just makes me yearn to be stronger & brighter ☀️🌝☀️.
to refine my ego, soften my heart, train my brain to not be affected by the downcast looks or rude little digs or by silentness that etches into the core of human loneliness.

It makes me strive even more, to build (not beg) deeper & more meaningful relations.

With people who truly care.

Not with energy zappers.

It makes me want to be a woman with no regrets, but without bitterness too.
It makes me want to share everything I learn & perpetuate my idealistic vision of everything “just being ok”

My kids know my struggles,

My husband sees my pain. God knows my heart.

He knows how hard I’ve fought, who knows how many tears I’ve shed.
He knows the pain in my heart be that I work every day to resolve.

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Butterfly Beauties – Caterpillar Crankies

Contributing post by Kenzie Brown

“Today if you are using drugs know that those choices are not who you are. The guilt you feel is from within yourself because you know the real you. You know how capable you are in life. If you are using it’s okay. But don’t beat yourself up for those choices. There is always tomorrow to start new, and beautiful things don’t happen overnight. A butterfly isn’t always a butterfly. And some die along their journey, that doesn’t stop the other caterpillars from going for the goal of a butterfly. Sometimes to achieve the beauty and light we are capable of we have to go through the muck and grime and darkness. The darkness doesn’t mean you are done growing. Some of the most beautiful things in nature come from the darkness. Remember that today if you feel like a failure, the the darkness is pressing down around you. You are in your cocoon and eventually you will emerge from the darkness a beautiful butterfly. Enjoy the chaos, embrace it, scream to the darkness you are being held down by, feel that pain. Let it burn your mind and dissolve your flesh, so you can reach your ultimate beauty.”🖤🖤🖤-Kenzie Brown

Sometimes the caterpillar brain isn’t ready to hear about the future.

It feels safe in the here-and-now. EVEN IF – it’s dangling off of a branch. EVEN IF a tornado is coming.

It thinks it’s safe. Nothing can harm it. Nothing is required in outgoing effort.

It can JUST BE itself among the other labile caterpillars.

Sure it crawled into the cocoon on it’s own free will, but it didn’t really think about getting out.

The thought of soaring gracefully free and strong among the flowers is not in it’s field of vision.

It doesn’t matter how many perfumed flowers you wave under it’s spiracles. You can flash neon billboards throughout the night. It won’t see or smell what you want to to.

What it wants is acceptance.

Acceptance of its current state of affairs.

Something like: “Hey Mr. Wormy worm. I know you feel safe in there because you don’t have to deal with life’s barrage of feelings and emotions. You can do what you want & it seems like you’re not bothering anyone. I get that. When you are ready to come out, I’m here for you.”

Notice the non-shaming. Not trying to tell them how many people are affected by their decisions. ( their worm brain can’t comprehend that right now- it’s in survive mode) not trying to change their thinking.( How has that worked for YOU – when someone tries to change your mind? Aka opinion.)

It’s hard enough to figure out why other people think the way they do & have the opinions that they do. Yet we continually TRY to convince a hijacked brain of the damage they are causing and of the ‘obvious’ solution. I am continually reminded that everyone deserves the dignity of believing what they do -EVEN when it’s hurting others…why? Because you can’t MAKE them change anyway.. You may can physically restrain them with a variety of ‘tools’. In nursing we call it a chemical restraint if we’re using medicine. So why do even us nurses forget that addicts are under a chemical restraint mist all the time?

All we can really offer is HOPE that there is a way out……

They just need a little bit of HOPE.

My heartfelt prayers to those who have lost their butterflies and caterpillars along the way.💔🦋🐛💔

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Rat Park

If I could go back to those days when my kids filled my house with muddy shoes and red punch stains around their lips- I mean pure cranberry juice without sugar, of course- as any good Mom would buy- I would relish in the mess this time. I promise. I would take all those old Tony Robbins tapes and replay them over and over.

His theory is that every decision, every action, is dependant on what ‘state’ a person is in. State of mind, state of body- how we feel at any given moment has proven to be paramount in my search for addiction ’causes’.

As my Papa would always say “I wish I could do it all over again knowing what I know now.” I used to think that was such an old thing to say.

Well, now I’m old.

But if I could do a time travel- even for a day-I would pull my kids close to and whisper to them how many times they are going to feel confused and uncomfortable; and how it’s ok to feel out of sorts, that they can be in those moments and survive without having to change it or distract from it or bury their feelings.

As I described in this blog post when my son was spared a horrible accident as a toddler; this time-travel, I would tell him how strong and valiant he is. I would look in their little shining eyes and say “No matter what- you’ll be ok. The pain won’t last. You can work through it.”

Of course, I may have said these things to them, but I think I may have also done a lot of the opposite. “What do you need to feel better right now?” Eeek!!! Distraction, suppression, external validation. Anything to avoid the current state of fit throwing, or anger or sadness. Parenting advice changes every few decades so I only take partial blame if this happened.

When I set out on this journey in 2018 of wondering why this epidemic is happening and why in God’s name- as my Mama used to say- it had chosen MY family to implant itself on; I had no idea the answers would be so elusive, yet so vast in nature.

Everyone is just trying to feel ok at any given moment. That moment then turns into a lifetime of addiction because of what brain changes occur. I tire of the argument of whether it’s a disease or choice because as I’ve stated in many posts– how does that change how we treat it (or them?)

Pam Jones Lanhart, a recovery advocate, parent coach and Arise interventionalist, states it so well:

“The science and evidence based research shows that addiction is a reward and response. I think “pain” is a broad word but there is now doubt that people start using because the drink or drug does something for them. “When I drink this drink, I feel less anxious.” Or “when I use this pill all of my emotional pain goes away and it feels like a warm, comforting blanket.” The word pain is relative. But pain could mean the pain of feeling left out. The pain of a family divorce. The pain of a label such as adhd and being made fun of. Pain doesn’t necessarily mean big T trauma. But it does mean that the substance is the solution for the negative emotions that they are experiencing.

So of course, we all make a choice to use or not use. Everyone does it. So we live in a culture where substance use is social glamorized and yet when someone gets ill from it, we demonize and shame them.

NO ONE and I mean NO ONE chooses addiction. Not one person who took a drink or a toke off of a bud expected to become addiction. That’s a ridiculous notion and not informed by any data or science. “When I used I was rewarded with a really good feeling. So I used again.” And eventually the neuropathways of the brain are reprogrammed and THEN in spite of all of the negative consequences and the fact that the using is no longer working for them, they can’t stop. That is the definition of addiction. Continued use in spite of negative consequences.

No one expects this. It sneaks up on them and before they know it they are addiction.

That being said, today 7,000 people will choose recovery. 7,000!

And yes, it has EVERYTHING to do with pain. We all have pain. When I drink a glass of wine I feel free. The pain of my life dissipates. Let’s face it. If substances didn’t make us feel better on some level, none of us would use them.

So using is a choice.
Addiction is NOT a choice
Recovery is a choice."- Pam Jones Lanhart

As I have explored the CHOICES and CAUSES of my son’s addiction, I keep coming back to the connection theory of Johanna Hari. Even if we never know someone’s true reason for starting (and maybe they don’t and won’t ever know either) we can still get a picture of the importance of a person”s ‘state’.

“Get a rat and put it in a cage and give it two water bottles. One is just water, and one is water laced with either heroin or cocaine. If you do that, the rat will almost always prefer the drugged water and almost always kill itself very quickly, right, within a couple of weeks. So there you go. It’s our theory of addiction.

Bruce comes along in the ’70s and said, “Well, hang on a minute. We’re putting the rat in an empty cage. It’s got nothing to do. Let’s try this a little bit differently.” So Bruce built Rat Park, and Rat Park is like heaven for rats. Everything your rat about town could want, it’s got in Rat Park. It’s got lovely food. It’s got sex. It’s got loads of other rats to be friends with. It’s got loads of colored balls. Everything your rat could want. And they’ve got both the water bottles. They’ve got the drugged water and the normal water. But here’s the fascinating thing. In Rat Park, they don’t like the drugged water. They hardly use any of it. None of them ever overdose. None of them ever use in a way that looks like compulsion or addiction. There’s a really interesting human example I’ll tell you about in a minute, but what Bruce says shows that both the right-wing and left-wing theories of addiction are wrong. So the right-wing theory is it’s a moral failing, you’re a hedonist, you party too hard. The left-wing theory is it takes you over, your brain is hijacked. Bruce says it’s not your morality, it’s not your brain; it’s your cage. Addiction is largely an adaptation to your environment.

We’ve created a society where significant numbers of our fellow citizens cannot bear to be present in their lives without being drugged, right? We’ve created a hyperconsumerist, hyperindividualist, isolated world that is, for a lot of people, much more like that first cage than it is like the bonded, connected cages that we need.

The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. And our whole society, the engine of our society, is geared towards making us connect with things not people. If you are not a good consumer capitalist citizen, if you’re spending your time bonding with the people around you and not buying stuff—in fact, we are trained from a very young age to focus our hopes and our dreams and our ambitions on things we can buy and consume. And drug addiction is really a subset of that."
~ Johann Hari

This came up on my memories today. I’m unsure who to give credit to. It says what I feel in my heart, even though I know it is sometimes difficult to do.

The key to supporting people living with addiction in reaching their full potential is the exact opposite of “letting them hit rock bottom.” It is instead to move the bottom of that pyramid of human needs up so that the 
needs which are known to bring people closer to reaching their full potential are being met.
( Such as feeling loved, worth saving, forgiveness)

It means to foster social connectedness rather than to force isolation.... Wich leads to shame depression and death😭
It means to practice acceptance rather than intolerance.
It means to fan self-worth rather than to fuel shame.
It means to love rather than to disdain.
Mostly it means to never having last regrets for others...I can't imagine being on the brink of death knowing that you are a complete disappointment to everyone.
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Trust And Patience

This week has been brutal in the spiritual warfare battle.

The score at the top of the 6th (66) appears to be led by Mr Satan himself. The bases are loaded and I’m up to bat.

I’ve already struck out once this inning and it has taken the wind outta my sails, the bounce outta my ball.

Addiction has a way of flowing its evil lava into every nook and cranny available and using any tool possible to fracture families and communities.

The battle between good and evil has a long history.

I can understand if you are a non- believer. I respect that any reference to good and evil may -in your opionion- be simply a product of free will. People either choose to do good things or they don’t. Seems pretty clear cut. Until you start digging into why a human would continue to make poor choices despite bad consequences.

With children it’s easy to train them not to do things which may harm them. By repetition in the brain that if they touch something hot, they will get burned.

So why are our jails full of people who have suffered great losses from their choices? And yet keep re-offending.

Different reasons of course. I stick with my mantra of one size NEVER fits ALL. Some people are slower to learn. Some feel the benefits of addiction such as the CONNECTION with other addicts and that lifestyle outweigh having to deal with the judgement and pain of their old life.

We know now that humans crave connection – good or bad.

Massachusetts has seemed to figure out how to combat the revolving door of minor drug offenses with their outreach program:

It’s based on the idea that, for many drug users, a call to the police — for a nonfatal overdose or a drug-related crime such as theft — is the first time they get on the radar of any authority. So after the immediate crisis is over, officers follow up and offer help. That could be a warm bed for the night, a referral to a recovery coach or needle-exchange program, a ride to detox. At the very least, they’ll give out the overdose-rescue drug Narcan and talk about how to stay alive.

So there’s usually a lot more at play in what people choose, than to just say free will. It’s already been established that Purdue & big pharma was a huge incentive for a lot of physicians choices and ultimately our addicts choices. The draw of connection when other relationships are falling apart due to strict tough love with hurting family member. Most addicts in recovery agree that some form of darkness & evil came into play also.

We can make small changes in the system and fight for stigma change. We can recognize the draw of evil to pull struggling people astray. WE- the strong ones have to have the strength to combat that and BE their light!

Here is some amazing advice from first an addict in recovery then a mom/wife in recovery from her addicted loved one.

"When you're in recovery, you become close to making a difference in your life or in someone else's your gonna come under extreme attack, you're gonna be tested, you're gonna be tried. The enemy is going to come at you like a ton of bricks. He knows that you're a world changer, he knows you have purpose. He knows that your weakness is your addiction, because he put it there. He wants to destroy you before you can destroy him.
  You kick him square in the f****** teeth! You fight him with every ounce of energy that you have within you.  Pray, he hates that. He can't put you through more than you can handle. Addiction is not greater than you. It feels like it is within your flesh, but its only for a while, and it can be defeated- Foster Chambers
This is how I manage anger and anxiety. First, I understand that I can only control 10% of the life around me. It means 90% is controlled by others, so there will be a lot of offences and goodness to me from others. They are situations I cannot control, so I must be humble in all situations.
So I condition my mind to face the world. I do not make my mind that anybody who does anything wrong did it intentionally. Even if it was intentional, it has been done already, and my anger cannot unmake what she/he had done. Now should I get angry, my heart will pump blood in a rush that can affect my health; then I would have lost two times: first the act had been done and secondly my anger or anxiety can cause me sickness.
Then I understood the Biblical admonition which says, if it comes from you, live with all in peace.
The Bible knows there will be offences so the biggest lesson Jesus left for us was how He comported Himself from the court of Pontus Pilate unto the Cross.
The Almighty Jesus who raised the dead to life, healed the sick etc, was silent when He was being abused, slapped, spat on and whipped. It was this SILENCE that gave Him victory, due to His HUMILITY.
For us due to pride, we fight back and it ends up in violence and fights which give Satan the opportunity to damage us more on our various relationships.
When it becomes a case with the police, some friends who encourage us to retaliate may not take you to the police station, let alone pay the monies involved with you.
Believe God who says, it is up to Him to take vengeance on your behalf.

God is faithful and truthful. Stand by His words and be free, for which purpose Christ came to the World.-Bernice Afi Ndo

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Momma Bear/Bird

The momma bird pecked ferociously at the window. She could feel her eggs wobbling inside her patiently awaiting their day.

It only made her peck harder at the window, fervently NEEDING to accomplish this feat.

Finally! SUCCESS! She broke through the barrier that meant stability and LIFE for her littles.

She went home feeling accomplished. Time was SO SHORT. She could already feel the warm breezes of spring coming closer every day. She must return bright and early to continue her mission. She tossed and turned all night in the flapping dryer vent. It was warm there but the tin was hard and flat. She could think of nothing else but a nice round warm nest where she pictured her brightly colored baby eggs getting nurtured in her love.

The next day was more pecking, cautiously stopping when she heard a sound approach. Ah, it was just the neighbor, the ones who have the lovely bird feeder on their porch. Thirsty & hungry she flew away for lunch, reveling in her progress. Back at it, in what seemed like an eternity, but was really only hours in human time; she broke through the barrier.

She couldn’t believe it! Persistence paid off! Her nest would be the strongest in the whole neighborhood! She ravagely pulled off the steel screen pieces to line her sweet babies first precious sanctuary.

Her babies would be so happy! They would grow up strong and safe and warm. They would fill their beaks and tummies with worms and bugs and all things wonderful that momma found. They would squawk and play and frolic while momma watched on proudly.

When the time came for their departure, momma would shed a big wet bird tear and push them out of the nest.

Momma bird would have a moment of silence saying a little bird prayer for them to live a full and safe life. She prayed for them to have the wisdom to stay clear of airplanes and vultures and all things that mean instant death. She hoped they would have strong instincts to avoid the slow killers too, poisonous plants and moldy water.

But she didn’t have long to worry. She had to start preparing for the next batch. She started singing in her best, clearest most beautiful birdsong ever!

Word press

Just in case you ever wondered why Mom’s are so stubborn and refuse to detach from their child or at least ‘ worry-like-a-muttha’ when they don’t have food or adequate shelter. I guess the key is-be more like a momma bear when they’re little but become a momma bird later. Detach with loving purpose as you push them into the vast world.

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Triggers- a Wet Match is Useless

They say addicts in recovery have triggers.

Well, us Moms in not-quite- recovery have triggers too.

Like waking up. Wondering if your child did.

Eating breakfast. Wondering if your prodigal son did.

Seeing the work trucks on the road. Why isn’t he there? Wait is that him? No, every worker looks like him. Dirty, hot, but doing something with PURPOSE….

Seeing houses. Everywhere. Men in garages. Doing normal things…

What I wouldn’t give to see my son mowing a lawn again. I think back. Have I ever seen him mowing a lawn? Why didn’t I go tell him how wonderful it was to see him mowing a lawn? He would have looked at me with that half-smile and said “Okaaaaaayy Mom, you’re crazeeeee”.

If I had to say one thing I miss the most about my ‘old’ son is his humor. So yes, humor is a trigger. Certain sarcasm. An ironic situation. A joke he would like.

Seeing A Dad in a restaurant with his kids. TRIGGER! I want to walk up and tell him to relish every moment. To enjoy their little faces, their laughter. Because in a year he might not be with them. He will look shocked.

“Why wouldn’t I be with them?”

“You might become addicted and lose everything”.

He would laugh and say “That’s ridiculous!, I can control my alcohol.

“Will you just take this test to make sure?” As I show him The questionnaire. ” I just would hate for you to lose three years of those precious kids lives, plus your marriage and house and your entire business that you spent 10 years building”.

“Lady, you are CRAZY!”

Why Yes, yes I am.

What is behind these triggers- is pain. Whats behind the pain? Fear. Fear of the loss of what we once knew and loved. Because we now know that LOSS causes PAIN and we FEAR that pain may not leave. It doesn’t seem to be leaving because we keep seeing more and more triggers. The cycle continues.

What Gabor is saying is to deal with those triggers. Not by avoiding them. Not by giving them the power. (ammunition). The trigger is worthless without the ammunition. WE have the power to load the ammunition. If we DEAL with the pain by changing our views and getting stronger in hope, then we can knock the ammunition to the ground where its useless.

A match is useless wet.

Figure out how to wet your match.

As for me, I’m going to start using the act of visualization. Actually SEEING my son mowing the lawn. SEEING him working a good job instead of hustling and scavenging. Yup, I’m going to live in fairyland which is the basis of THE SECRET, ABRAHAM HICKS & hundreds of other motivational themes starting clear back with Dale Carnegie’s book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.

I found this deep in a drawer- going to reread it. Won’t you join me?