It sounds like stress.
Life, ya know? Trying to get through the day. Or the week.
Don’t we all mindlessly scroll on social media and the next thing you know it’s been an hour? Some of us celebrate Friday with a glass of wine.🍷
Boredom eating, the feeling that you SHOULD be doing something when you have a few minutes free time.
It really comes down to what expectations have groomed us into thinking that we NEED ѕoмeтнιng elѕe. Something more….
Tony Robbins used to call it variety- the need for the unknown, change, or new stimuli as part of the 6 basic human needs: you can read it here:
(I’m sure he made a hellofalot more money than Maslow by adding an EXTRA need! But that’s neither here nor there) -ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛɪɴɢʟʏ, ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ- ᴛᴏɴʏ ᴡᴀs ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇɢɪɴɴɪɴɢ ᴀᴅ..
This variety /boredom/ thing fascinates me because with any excessive behavior that STARTS with these “Trauma Blocking” behaviors they soon become so out of control that everyone involved is just wishing & begging to go back to that “boring” life.
Watch any movie or documentary on cheating or murdering a lover or spouse and you’ll see that their lies and their sins seemed to start from a place of boredom or opportunity.
So how to avoid starting these “blocking” behaviors that just lead to trouble?
I outlined a few ways in this blog on Checkpoints -by basically keeping ourselves accountable- to stay ” safe” if you will.
The other thing this list brought to mind was what constitutes a “trauma”? Some people insist they had a great childhood without too many upheavals yet they have poor insight into why they have such a horrible and quick temper as an adult.
I think of someone, somewhere telling the inner child of this person that their feelings aren’t valid so they learn that somehow rage or anger or impatience will help them feel validated. Somehow.
I guess because it makes people stand at attention or react which makes the angry one feel in control, respected even. Those of us who have lived with such a person know that’s not the case though. Respect flies out the window when one acts like a jerk..lol.
I’m not a therapist, but I am a nurse👩⚕️ and one thing we do as nurses is validate the patient. If they’re mad at the doctor, we are the peace-makers. (I know you really wanted to talk to him but Monday mornings he has alot of rounds to go to- he will be here soon. Meanwhile- what can I do for you?)
As mother’s, we know all about manipulative validation. “I know you’re tired, but just pick up all your toys, eat dinner, do homework, have a bath THEN you can sleep!”
I know, all these things need to be done, but how many times do we SHOW kids that their feelings aren’t valid? Or correct for the situation by trying to get them to think the way we do?
“Honey I know yourt mad at your brother for stealing your toys but how would you like it if he hit you?
This says,: “your anger is misplaced, you have to THiNk about OTHERs BEFORE you get all crazy.”
I guess depending on what era you raised your kids and what parenting model you followed, this may or may not be correct.
In hindsight, and in conclusion; the things that we do on a daily or weekly basis to comfort ourselves are very real and very needed to stay emotionally healthy.
It’s the oldest best advice I heard growing up, MODERATION IN ALL THiNGS that may be the key to keeping these behaviors in check, whether we think we are covering up some hidden “trauma” or not.
By creating the time and space to look at ourselves and the affect we may be having on others, we might be able to ward off behaviors that leach into addictive ones that will eventually harm us and the people closest to us.